As I hijacked last week’s Whiny Wednesday with a birthday, I’m announcing Double Whines this week. Hope it wasn’t too painful saving them up.
Whine away!
filling the silence in the motherhood discussion
~ "a raw, transparent account of the gut-wrenching journey of infertility."
~ "a welcome sanity check for women left to wonder how society became so fixated on motherhood."
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Lee Cockrum says
Hubby brought home Influenza B last week. Evidently it was NOT covered in the flu shot I received. I started feeling sick Saturday. I had taken Monday off as a “me” day, all I did was lay around and do neb treatments. Still not able to go back to work yet. Heading to Patient First today to make sure it’s not in my lungs:(
Annie says
I can’t believe that Mother’s Day ads are already starting. Just another painful reminder that I’ll probably never hear the sweet words “Mommy, I love you.” š Additionally, both my husband’s mother and my mother have passed away (not recently), so it is a day I dread every year.
Sherry says
Annie,
I hate this time of year. Not only do I have to see all the ads but her a young co worker go on and on about her young kids. Every night when I go to bed I feel such an emptiness that cuts to the bone, and the really sad part is I know I can never fill that void.
Kathryn says
I’ve have pretty severe Chronic Fatigue for several years now (caused by antibiotics – Cipro in my case) that prevents me from doing just about anything i want to. I deal with it, but it is frustrating beyond words to want to – garden or shop or exercise or many, many other things – and not be able to get my body to cooperate. I had family here to visit this weekend and over all i did pretty well. But both Saturday and Sunday afternoons found me alone in my living room, stuck in the recliner. Not because i needed some “me/alone” time or because i didn’t want to be with people. But because my body simply would not – would NOT – cooperate for me to do any of the fun things other people were doing.
Sunday, my sis who struggles with motion sickness in all forms, went off-roading with the guys and climbed one of our local mountains. I was in a recliner – not by choice.
That sis – who is able to do just about everything she desires to do – told me that she is sure that she has Chronic Fatigue. The look on my husband’s face was priceless. He knows exactly what this has done to me and how very limited i am; he also watched my sis climb a mountain with the knowledge that i could not do that and if i tried it would put me in bed for a week. I suppose my sis was trying to be sympathetic, but i didn’t find it to be that way at all.
jeopardygirl says
Sponsored tweets on Twitter really beginning to tick me off. Playtex recently put one out that read, “We know you love the Diaper Genie!” Then a link, presumably to the product on their website or a video commercial. On the one hand, it was an indiscriminate tweet, spread massively without regard for the audience, so it wasn’t directed at me because of something else I may have clicked on or through on Twitter, but on the other, it’s basically spam in tweet form.
Also, a friend of my mother’s posted a video about an experiment done to attract MBAs (or whoever) to what they billed as “The World’s Hardest Job.” The video consisted of real-life (or so they claimed) interviews with candidates, outlining the requirements of the job. By the end, no single candidate was interested in it. Some of the requirements were “Work 365 days a year, high degree of mobility, limited personal time, accounting, project management,” etc. The job? Motherhood. Smug, smug, smug.
I find that I am no longer sad about my childfree state. I’m not even mad at myself or my body. I do, however, experience irrational anger towards marketing, advertising, and the sheep that believe everything they see on TV. I may not have kids, but I am still a consumer and a human being, and the constant barrage of what the marketing firms want us to think is “normal” is upsetting and annoying. Am I the only one?
Maria says
I agree with you. I think a massive marketing scam has been going on since the 1990s to sell the american dream of marriage, family and children. It started with the housing boom and trying to sell people houses and all the crap that goes in them. But then the focus went on motherhood because children are an absolute money suck in the universe. If you add up how much it costs to raise a child (and you can’t get away from the costs for 18 years), well it makes sense that the retailers who sell to this group want to make sure they have returning customers. I compare it to heroin dealers — you get one person to buy once, you have a lifetime customer. These moms can be smug, smug, smug all they want. I feel really smug about how I am smart enough to see it and smart enough to not be manipulated.
1nonmom says
Jeopardygirl., I’m right there with you. It pisses be off when the adverts are all moms this, moms that. How about the rest of us?!? And how about dads!? I’m sorry but the world should not revolve around people just because they have a vuanke uterus! To put a twist on one of my favorite little sayings, being able to conceive and give birth to a child doesn’t make you a good person any more than buying a car makes you a good driver!
Erin says
Little over a week ago my husband’s cousin and his wife annouced(via Facebook) that they are expecting their second child this fall. I had a meltdown. I have experienced a lot of annoucements lately, but this hurt more. My husband doesn’t undertand my jealousy. For me, looking in, they have the perfect life. They are younger and have better paying jobs. When they were engaged they built a house. When the first baby came, this house was too small, so they bought a newer, bigger home, all while my husband and I lived in a one-bedroom apartment. To top it all off, she is super skinny. My husband tries to tell me that they probably have a large mortgage and lots of student loan debt ( and he doesn’t think she is that pretty). For some reason when it comes to this couple, I can’t think rationally. I can only see how great their life is, compared to mine. It doesn’t help that my husband works long, weird hours. Last year we were able to buy our first house, but it was broken into and vandalized in February.
And then Sunday, I went to a Bridal Shower for another of my husband’s cousins. The bride had a friend from school who brought along her infant son. She is younger than me(I’m in my mid-30s), and this baby is her 4th child. And her husband is a surgeon! I hope I didn’t look bitter, just bored, as she shared stories about the family.
I hope I leave this Pity Party I’ve been attending soon! I have blocked nearly everyone I know with kids on Facebook. I think that will help. And if the sun would come out and it actually feels like Spring, I know I would feel better.
Mali says
Erin, I know there are people we think have the perfect life. When I was going through IF and pregnancy loss, I had a good friend who had the perfect children, wonderful social life with her husband and friends (with kids, of course – we were dropped like hot potatoes), and money was never an object. Several years on, I now know how much of that was just an illusion (just about all of it except for the two kids), and the more I’ve learned, the more I’ve thought “even with all my grief, I’m glad I didn’t have her life for the last 20 years.”
I guess what I’m saying is that nothing is ever perfect. And perhaps the people who try to get us to think it is perfect (cue stories about the family) are the ones living a lie.
P says
I feel for you Erin. I’ve had my share of pity parties over the years. Lately I play both sides of the fence. Some days I feel incredibly blessed (after all, I’ve come a long way these last couple years) on the other hand I’ve always been a “late bloomer”. I do get jealous of younger, richer, more successful people who seem to have it all. People 10 years younger than me seem to have their crap together and I just wish I knew how they did it. I’m not proud of these feeling but there it is.
Keep working hard and find comfort in true friends. You do have lots to offer! Our efforts do get rewarded.
Maria says
Hey Erin. Just want to say I understand. I have friends like this – they sure do enjoy their good fortune don’t they. After a while, I saw that they talked about how grateful they are just to brag and hurt others without the same good fortune. I was able to cut those friends out of my life – not so easy when it’s family. When I’m around people like this, I remind myself of this line from desiderata – do not compare yourself to others for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself. I try to remind myself that there is always someone out there who wishes they had what I have and I try to appreciate my own good fortune every day even if it is less than what I had hoped for. I hope by reading this you have a better day.
Jenn says
Today marks 3 years since I almost died from an ectopic with ruptured tube and it will be hard enough as it is, because it will be kid city today with my family and I will have to hear all the stupid comments and advice. I’m also tired of all the mother’s day ads and adertisements already. I went shoe shopping yesterday and every aisle had these signs we have shoes for every mom.