By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
When I was growing up in the 1970s and early ’80s, “choice” referred to being able to have a legal, doctor-performed abortion for any reason. You were “pro-choice” or you were “pro-life,” and in some areas of our world, there is still no common ground.
So I’m finding it interesting that I’m now hearing about another choice for women, specifically whether or not we choose to have children. Recently Erin Tatum wrote “5 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Women Who Don’t Want Children” for Everyday Feminism magazine. Read the full article here. I am encouraged that this topic is getting some mainstream attention, that insensitive people are being educated. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that it doesn’t hurt any less when comments like the ones she lists are lobbed our direction. “You’ll regret it when you’re older” is #1 on her list, and whether you’re childfree by choice, circumstance, chance, or a combination, that one line has the potential to pour salt into new wounds and reopen old wounds.
Take a look at the article and let me know what else would be on your list of things that should never be said to a childfree woman. And in case you don’t feel like reading to the end, I want to be sure you see what she says in closing:
It can be difficult to defend your decisions when faced with so much ignorance, but always remind yourself that your life is your own and you don’t need anyone else’s validation to justify how you live it.
Embrace childfree living and start exploring all the opportunities that await you.
Yes!
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.
Below are a few I have heard and still makes me angry when I think about it:
1. You won’t have anyone to look after you when you are old
2. What will you have to look forward to?
3. Why, don’t you like kids?
And the worst of all,
4. Oh, I’m sorry.
But I really like her last statement; words to live by.
I used to get this comment a lot – you have plenty of time. I guess because I have always looked much younger than my age. Heard it even into my mid 40s. It was very hurtful.
“You can work on the weekend because so-and-so has something to do with his kid…” My husband and I are both in a line of work where all employees must be available every day to cover possible work on weekends, holidays, and outside of normal work hours. I am all for helping each other out and sharing the work outside of normal hours, but expecting only the employees without kids to do the work outside of normal work hours implies that our family, friends, and time mean less because we do not have kids. “Family” is not defined by having children.