By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
“Congratulations!”
I cocked my head in the universal gesture for Huh?
“I see you’re here for your first prenatal visit!”
“Um…no. Pretty sure I’m not.”
“Yes, it says so in the computer.”
“Pretty sure your computer is wrong.”
I’ve joked for years that my life is like a sit-com, and this vignette was a prime example. What started out as a routine annual physical (weight, blood pressure, checking my heart and lungs) had turned into a farce because someone at a call center had checked a wrong box and the receptionist felt compelled to announce it to every living soul in the packed waiting room.
I easily could have turned this into a melodrama. I could have dashed into the ladies room, dissolved into a puddle of self-pity, and called my sister to wail about the unfairness of life, the cruelties of the universe. But there was no need to over-react. The receptionist wasn’t trying to hurt me; she was misinformed (not her fault) and she thought I had something wonderful to celebrate. Her intentions were kind, she was reaching out to me, and I’m sure she was gearing up to share her experience of her first prenatal visit when she was pregnant with the first of her three now-grown kids.
Under other circumstances, it could have been a lovely moment. Or it could have been an awful moment. I chose to make it an absurdly funny moment. Once we cleared up the reason for my appointment, I stepped outside and called a girlfriend who is also childless-not-by-choice. “You are not going to believe this…my life is a freakshow!” I told her what happened, and together we howled with laughter. Then we talked about how far we both have come on our journeys from heartbroken mama-wanna-bes to mostly-okay childfree women.
We’ve all heard our share of insensitive comments, and we know well-intentioned but ill-timed comments can be even more hurtful. I’d like to suggest that we humans generally have the best intentions to be kind to one another, and it’s my intention to try to see this good in others as often as possible.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods believes laughter truly is the best medicine.
Jaidy says
Absolutely wonderful way to deal with it. I truly strive to do the same, to be (mostly) positive and look at al the good things I do have in my life. I’m not quite there yet, I still mourn my unborn children and the so many “what if’s”, but not as much as I used to. Thanks for the motivation.
kuk says
It’s the best way how to handle situations like this one. It’s my life mostly by now, but sometimes I just can’t and crying in the ladies room or rude answer it is.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods says
What would we do without the refuge of the ladies’ room? I’ve pulled over on the drive home from many places to sob alone in my car. We do what we gotta do to get through.
Irene says
Just this past weekend I went back to my hometown to attend my cousin’s wedding .. since it’s been years that i last caught up with friends, I was expecting to meet a particular friend after 3 years .. and you would think after years they just want to know how you’re doing and just have a general talk but no .. she went straight into .. How are YOU doing though? (hinting about the no baby situation) and she went on and on trying to give me advice since she was TTC too but only for 1 year (mostly what i’ve already tried and tested and failed of course) she would not shut up .. and i thought to myself “you had your success story but I have not had mine so it’s easy for you to say these things) i was so offended at the end of the night that i dont want to keep in touch with her again .. it was a highly inappropriate time and place to mention these things when I DID NOT ASK! unsolicited advised .. she may mean well but i was pretty hurt ..
anyway .. i have to start looking at the positives .. just don’t like how people blurt out things when i would never do that.
Brandi Lytle says
I’m sorry you had to go through that, Irene! I remember being at my niece’s birthday and her aunt (on her Dad’s side) came over and told me she knew I how felt because she had been trying for over three months to get pregnant with their fifth child and it just wasn’t working. I just sat there, dumbfounded. I did not know what to say! Sometimes, we just have to shake our heads and realize people are trying to be empathetic, but just fall short!
Irene says
Just this past weekend I went back to my hometown to attend my cousin’s wedding .. since it’s been years that i last caught up with friends, I was expecting to meet a particular friend after 3 years .. and you would think after years they just want to know how you’re doing and just have a general talk but no .. she went straight into .. How are YOU doing though? (hinting about the no baby situation) and she went on and on trying to give me advice since she was TTC too but only for 1 year (mostly what i’ve already tried and tested and failed of course) she would not shut up .. and i thought to myself “you had your success story but I have not had mine so it’s easy for you to say these things) i was so offended at the end of the night that i dont want to keep in touch with her again .. it was a highly inappropriate time and place to mention these things when I DID NOT ASK! unsolicited advised .. she may mean well but i was pretty hurt ..
anyway .. i have to start looking at the positives .. just don’t like how people blurt out things when i would never do that.
Analia says
I try to use fun every day in my life but sometimes…. I am speechless !!
well, it happened to me at the doctor’s office when the receptionist scream: and here you have the instructions for the Colonoscopy!
Just when a handsome man entered the room….
Brandi Lytle says
Oh no, Analia! I remember having to get a skin tag removed from my nose. I was in college and the intern was super cute. I was mortified!
Kath says
The sad thing is I’ve been bullied and laughed at for being childless and insulted & relentlessly questioned on the subject by my customers at work.
When I did assertiveness training/role play the person helping me said the answers & responces I was giving were all very good, & that it should of worked. But it didnt stop them.
She couldn’t believe how peiple kept on at me like they did & said it must be deliberate as it was so cruel what they were saying, she couldntnt believe peiple could be that thick to not see they were hurting me. a nice person wouldnt carry on speaking to me in the way they did & so we came to the conclusion it was deliberate.
I’ve since resolved the situation by putting up a sign in my shop and I’ve kicked out the customers who carried on and things have been 99.9% better. I get no problems now
Brandi Lytle says
I’m glad that you were strong and cut these people out of your life. Good for you!
Kate J says
I remember getting a “congratulations on your pregnancy” letter from my fertility specialist’s office, even though I had just found out things were not going to progress. Most likely an honest mistake by admin, but ouch! My husband was outraged, but I couldn’t face complaining. I guess these things happen…
Aemilia says
They do happen, but…I just think the standard should be extremely high for making very very sure “congratulations in your pregnancy” letters don’t accidentally get sent in these situations. Especially from a fertility clinic!!
Kathleen Guthrie Woods says
Kate J, it’s many days later and I’m still thinking about the letter you received. Unbelievable! Unconscionable! (I had to look that up to make sure I had it right.) I hope whoever sent it was mortified and apologetic when they realized their error. Hope you’re having better days. xo