I’ve seen this topic come up a lot in the blog comments, so I know that many of you have experienced this. It’s the topic of caring for aging parents, and whether the responsibility is shared fairly when you don’t have children.
What’s been your experience with this?
I believe people expect us to take care of everybody and everything!… not only aging parents.
We have a life…and that’s a statement few people recognize.
Praying for all of us!
Yes I was responsible for caring for them, sister lived out of town and had issues with our parents, especially Mom. So I was left with sole responsibility for caring for Dad, Mom and Aunt but you know what? I would do it again in a heartbeat. I did not care for them because I had to or was made to I took care of them because I loved them. My Mom gave me a purpose for Mothers Day, we shopped together constantly, my Dad was my purpose for Fathers Day and he was more than just a Dad, she spent quality time with me…
So yes I was the one without children who lived close by but I was also the most blessed because of it.
Nita is far more virtuous than me. Caring for my parents is the one time I’m glad to be childless, because I’m struggling a lot with caring with a mom with dementia, a dad who’s also not mentally there and likely dying (and getting him medicaid, which is a LOT of work), and oh yes, hunting for a job on the side. Not to mention still making time for my relationship. It’s not easy seeing the ones you used to have that bond with slipping away and being helpless, not to mention dealing with the complex legalities of it all.
Oh, and guess I should have mentioned I’m an only with no choice but to do it all. Childlessness helps, but isn’t why.
I was able to help my parents when they were both ill and were both not capable of taking care of themselves and I can only thank Lord for giving me that opportunity. My father is no more and my mom is fine now. Like Karen said, the duration of taking care of my parents was the time when I was actually thankful to be childless. And, no it is not easy, but you know that you are all that they have, and they did everything to grow you up into a responsible mature citizen.
I took care of my mother and I was happy about it. I was glad I was there and I know my brothers appreciated it and especially my father appreciated it. Now, all these years later I have stepped in and am taking care of my father. I am lucky that I have a supporting spouse who understands that this is something I need to do. I will however NOT take care of my mother-in-law. Although after all these years we no longer dislike each other (She has been very vocal in the past about the fact that we never had children and blames me for it). As far as I am concern she has four sons (my husband being one) who can step in and deal with her. I support my husband in what he must do and that is as far as I can go with this. I know my limitations and I am honest about it. Some may say I am selfish by not stepping forward and offering more help since I am the one without children but I feel that I have done all I can physical and mentally deal with.
Does anyone else feel they have been forced to choose between starting their own family and caring for elderly relatives? For me this is only part of the jigsaw of reasons behind not having children, but it is one, significant part nevertheless.