By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
I’ve been reading John Pavlovitz’s blog for some time now, amazed at how often he nails what I have been feeling but have been unable to fully articulate. This week’s post was no exception. He had me at the title:
For Those Who Hurt on Mother’s Day.
It’s taken me decades to get to the place of peace where I am now, and I’ve forgotten some of the lessons learned along the way. Like “Don’t look at social media in the weeks before and after Mother’s Day”. I made that mistake early this week when I oh-so-innocently logged in to check in with a couple of friends and got bombarded with “The Perfect Gifts for Moms!” and questionnaires asking for “All the Things You Love About Being a Mommy” and throwback photos of babies and toddlers alongside current photos of those same sweet humans who are now graduates and parents themselves.
You know what? This whole week f-ing hurts.
So it felt really good to be understood. To be acknowledged by a man — a dad, no less — who recognizes that this Sunday’s holiday isn’t all flowers and brunches and kisses and cuddles. To hear that at least one other person is aware of my grief and my right to grieve some more.
Pavlovitz offers a line that I often share: “You are not alone.” And today I feel it, from his words and from my being part of this amazing and supportive LWB community. (Thank you.)
He then closes with lines of encouragement that went straight to my heart. It’s what I have felt, what I would like to say to you — and he says it beautifully. I hope you’ll take a few minutes to read his post and let it touch you too.
Be gentle with yourself this weekend.
xoxoKathleen
Please note: Many of Pavlovitz’s messages are political or religious in nature and we at LWB do not necessarily share his views on all topics. Please consider this before clicking beyond the post we have shared here.
Went on social media today. The hospital where i work as a nurse has posted “we know from experience that great mums make great nurses”.
I am a nurse and not a mother. So is the implication that i’m not a great nurse?
Nothing irritates me more than when mothers think they have a monopoly on empathy.
I know plenty of absolutely terrible nurses who have kids and not an empathetic bone in their body FYI
@A: I’m sorry for you! I have met great nurses withouten children, i don’t see the correlation. On a different niet: Happy nurses day to you!
What a terrible thing for your employer to post! It’s very exclusive, especially because you can’t change your biology. As far as I’m concerned it’s the same thing as saying diabetics make better nurses, or men make better nurses. What a crock.
And I agree with you 100% I know plenty of nurses who are mothers and they are some of the least empathetic women I know. At least professionally. They shouldn’t be in the healing profession dealing with conscious patients.
I’m sorry you had to see that. Motherhood is such an assumption by society and infertility remains saddingly taboo. I believe someone like you is going to be more empathetic than all the women out there who have achieved the standard social expectation of womanhood.
So happy your-an-awesome-nurse-and-spectacular-person day. You rock. Thank you for everything you do to help others. For devoting your profession to healing the sick and injured. You. Are. Incredible.
I got a similar comment — spoken in third person while I was at the table — about how mothers can only trust other mothers to take care of their children. At the time I was taking care of a nephew. Really? A, thank you for being a good human who cares about other humans!
Thank you Kathleen – love this post from John. How heartwarming for someone to see that not everyone will have a great mother’s day. I will save this and John’s post to my favorites as I feel it will be helping me a great deal on many days when I feel completely invisible.
Thanks everyone – had to read these again and totally agree with you all and in particular A’s point:
“Nothing irritates me more than when mothers think they have a monopoly on empathy.”
It must be nearly Wednesday because a few other rants have popped into my head along these lines.
“Nothing irritates me more than when mothers think they have a monopoly on empathy” / insert also any of the following :
Caring
Listening
Love
Sleep deprivation
I’m reminded of a counselor from early TTC days – he said to me “just because someone’s plumbing works doesn’t automatically make them a good mother”! He was trying to get me to see that I was judging myself “unfit mother” because I couldn’t fall pregnant. He clarified that I had not had an opportunity to parent and therefore couldn’t judge myself (unfit/less than/ not as good as) and neither could anyone else.
Right! And “you wouldn’t understand because you’re not a mother”. Because you get the gift of compassion when you give birth? omg, my blood is boiling again. Thanks, Jane. 😉 xoxo