I just returned from the mall where I shopped for graduation gifts for the children of friends. I don’t begrudge the money or even the feelings of obligation, but buying gifts for other people’s children still stirs up some tough emotions. So, it’s the topic of this week’s Whiny Wednesday:
Buying gifts for other people’s children
Whine away, ladies, and feel free to chime in with anything else that’s setting you off today.
Kara Love says
Aside from nieces and nephews I buy for very few other kids. I have a childhood friend and for her kids bdays I give them money based on their age. (Ages 1-4 is $1, 5-9 is $5 and so on to graduation.) I always get a thank you note from her kids, even the little ones. After that I only give a gift or money/gift card to those I’ve been invited to for bday or graduation.
Brandi Lytle says
Over the years, I have stopped buying as many gifts for kids. I adore spending time with our nieces and nephews. And I used to like buying presents for all the kids… But now, I don’t want to shop for toys and books and little clothes. So, I don’t. I’m at the point where I buy gifts if doing so will bring joy to both me and the recipient. Otherwise, I feel no obligation to send cards, gifts, or otherwise…
N says
I’m presently struggling with this in a different way.
My husband’s children were adults when I came into the picture. We get along, but I’m just an extra in their lives, no real relationship.
While their mother has a decent job, she spends it all on vacations and herself, and now refuses to contribute much towards weddings. For her son’s wedding, she offered to do a cheap baked potato bar for the rehearsal dinner, and spent about $100. When we proposed to her if we each contributed a certain reasonable amount towards her daughter’s wedding, we could have something simple, but nice. Nope. Not going to do more than $1k and has since gone on 3 vacations. She comes from a big family (15 aunts/uncles), so basically, we’re throwing a family reunion for her side of the family and paying for it, when we will invite less than 20 people. My husband and I thought about proposing we each invite the percentage of money contributed, but that’s not fair to my step daughter. While I have a good relationship with my stepdaughter, she is desperate for her mother’s attention, and I’m just an extra in her life and won’t be invited to take part in any of the roles mother’s typically play…other than to pay for it. And it will be like the kick ass baby shower I had for her where her mother shows up with balloons and punch (and basically another party for her friends & family on my dime) and gets all the credit. And once again, I will smile through the tears that are shed out of sight.
Brandi Lytle says
I am so, so sorry for your struggles, N. It is unfortunate that your generosity isn’t being acknowledged properly. Sending you so many hugs…
Mary says
I’m so sorry N. I’ve since given up on throwing baby and wedding showers for the steps babies. I am done. Did my part for years but their own bio mom, she will help clean up, that’s it. SS wife threw her own baby shower a few years ago. No one else would throw her one.
N says
The last shower I had, their mom helped clean for a few minutes, then she and her friends popped open another bottle of wine, and went and entertained themselves around my pool for a couple hours. My husband came home, and was like, WTH?!!!
Nancy says
This is such a sore subject in our home. I could go on and on. Example. Step granddaughter #1 at 5 yr old opened her Christmas gifts from us, responded with “Is that all?” Two years later, step granddaughter #2 at 5 said the same thing. They had nice, and plenty, of gifts.
I’ve learned through the years (20 years) that SD plays Santa not because it’s fun. She plays it so she can monitor who is getting what for Christmas, for comparison reasons, amongst her kids and the other grands. (Same SD who had the “is that all?” 5-yr olds.)
Anyone else’s kids, I have no problem buying gifts for them…I get joy from it. I don’t even mind buying from them at my work every spring and fall when they hawk crap for sale so they can go on a band trip or church camp. I grab a few names off the Christmas trees to buy gifts for low income kids.
But if a child is ungrateful -regardless of who’s child- I have a problem with that. It’s been years since our step grandkids said “Is that all?” and it truly changed the direction of giving gifts for them ever since.
Nita says
I buy Birthday cards and send $$$ until they are teenagers. They dont acknowledge me, I dont acknowledge them. They are old enough to send a card.
I send graduation and wedding gifts but rarely receive a “Thank You”
Right now I have issues because all my friends had Milestone Birthdays…you know 40, 50, 60 etc
Well guess who never had a milestone Birthday and who never will?
Now the children are throwing Milestone Birthdays for the parents…as they age…
So I will never have a Milestone Birthday. Yes I have friends who I celebrate with going out for lunch but that is about it.
Julie says
I usually enjoy buying gifts for my niece and nephews. I normally don’t really buy gifts for other kids because there aren’t really other young kids in my life. On another note I am so happy I found your blog. I’ve been looking for a blog like this! I’m currently 3 years into infertility with recurrent pregnancy loss and it’s been really hard. I’m starting to think that I won’t be able to have kids due to having multiple issues, but I’m trying to stay positive. At the same time I’m also trying to be realistic. I also find blogging to be very cathartic. You can check out my blog at hopingforbaby.com
M says
When I was younger and friends and family were having babies and raising children, I thought, once these kids get older, my childlessness won’t hurt so much. To my surprise, in some ways, it has hurt more. I’ve gone from buying gifts for baby showers and birthday parties to graduations, weddings, and new grandchildren. It is so bittersweet — I enjoy blessing others with a gift and sharing their joy, while deep down I’m grieving the loss of these celebrations in my own life. It can be a lonely place to be.
Thank you for letting me share.