filling the silence in the motherhood discussion
As the New Year begins and everyone around you is posting about goals for the year ahead, do you find it hard to envision a future that doesn’t include children?
This is the topic for this week’s Whiny Wednesday:
Feeling lost
Tell us what’s going on with you.
As the New Year begins and everyone around you is posting about goals for the year ahead, do you find it hard to envision a future that doesn’t include children?
This is the topic for this week’s Whiny Wednesday:
Feeling lost
Tell us what’s going on with you.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I always used to have an answer to that question. For a time the answer was, “Raising my children and writing brilliant novels in my spare time.”
These days I don’t have a clear vision of how my life will look 10 years from now. It’s not to say that I don’t have goals and plans—I have plenty of those—but what I no longer feel I have is certainty. I really have no clue where or who I’ll be in 10 years time.
After a strange week, where I’ve felt sure of nothing, I always know that there’s one thing I can count on. If I walk around the corner from my house and go down the hill, I will find the ocean. Some days it will be calm and enticing, other days—like today—it will be wild and intimidating. But it will always be there. And if I am here, in this place, 10 years from now, I can be absolutely certain that the ocean will be there, too.
If you’re feeling uncertain right now, what’s the one thing you can count on?
I love the New Year. I’ve spent most of the past week taking long walks and thinking about what I want my life to be like this time next year. What do I want to learn, where do I want to be, what do I want to do? Then I’ve spent the past couple of days writing down some goals for the year and making a plan of action.
I have lots of career-related goals, but some of my personal goals include participating in a triathlon, learning some new skills (making cheese, learning a language, as examples), and taking a big trip with my husband. I also have a goal this year of celebrating all the holidays with my “family.”
As you may know, my blood relatives live on the other side of the world and my husband’s family is scattered in a non-geographical way, which leaves us with a family of two (plus the cat.) Although we spent the recent holidays very happily as a family of two, I’ll admit to missing time with family. So this year I’m going to make a family to celebrate the holidays with.
My plan is to build a new family of my own choice, made up of people I like who live close enough to actually see at the holidays. I realize that many of them will have families of their own to celebrate with, but those who don’t will be welcome at my celebrations this year. My first family celebration will be a Valentine’s dinner.
What about you? What are some of your goals and wishes for this year? And what does your image of family look like now?
I don’t know about you, but this is the time that I start closing up shop for the year, winding everything down, and getting ready for a fresh new year ahead. The New Year is my favorite holiday. I love the feeling of wiping the slate clean and starting all over again. It’s a time to look back at the year, take stock of the good and the bad, and make plans for improving the next year.
This year has been a wild ride, but a good one. Back in March I had an idea that I should blog about the issues that come with being childless or childfree in our society. I thought it might be a good idea to start an online community where women like me could come and air their feelings. I had no idea how this was going to change my life, but it has.
I can’t tell you how valuable it has been for me to know that there are people out there (that’s you) who completely understand how I feel and who don’t think I’m crazy because I feel that way. It’s been an amazing experience to know that every time I sit here at my computer rambling on about what’s on my mind, there are other women out there reading it, nodding their heads, and saying, “I know! Me too!” It’s so comforting to know that I’m not alone.
I don’t yet know what next year is going to bring—the release of my book (with any luck at all), some travel, some new adventures? But I’m looking forward to it. I’ll be spending the next couple of weeks assessing my life, and deciding where I want to go next. I don’t set New Year’s Resolutions, as such, but I always set goals for the year and resolve to work towards them.
What about you? What are your wishes, hopes, goals, or resolutions for the next year? Or is your only goal currently to make it through the upcoming holidays relatively unscathed?
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