Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

It Got Me Thinking…About Being a (Proud) Dog Mama

Hell Weekend—I’m sorry, Mother’s Day Weekend—is upon us. Not being a mother, I’m going to spend the next few days avoiding restaurants, florists, candy shops, and even the slightest chance encounter with anyone who might wish me…well, you know.

The one thing I cannot avoid is also my one bright spot of pure love: Louie. My funny bundle of fur is a cuddler and a kisser. He is smart. He beams when he masters a new trick. He entertains me with his antics. When he “wins” our tug-of-war games, he immediately brings the rope back to me for a fresh round of play. He “sings” duets with me at least once every day. (It’s not pretty, but it’s incredibly sweet. And, no, I’m not posting a video or audio track.) He greets me every morning like it’s been years since we were last together. He’s one of the great loves in my life.

When people ask my husband if we have kids, he generally answers, “No, we have dogs.” I don’t ever refer to Louie as my “baby,” for he is no substitute for the children I’d hoped to have in my life. But he does provide me with so much love, that he frequently distracts me from my losses.

If you have a four-legged companion in your life, I hope they give you extra love and comfort this weekend. If not, I hope this photo of me and my little guy at least gives you a smile today.

Louie and Kath

 

Be gentle with yourself this weekend!

 

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is mostly at peace with being childfree.

 

 

It Got Me Thinking…About My Four-Legged “Kid”

By Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

When I adopted my first dog, Beau, my girlfriends were convinced that he would be a man magnet. “Guys will come up to you at the beach and the park.” “Your dog is so cute! Guys will totally want to play with him.” “You have to take your dog running—hot guys will totally be attracted to you!”

Turns out Beau did indeed have a magnetic personality, but what he attracted were “guys”—and girls—in the 2 to 12 age group. “Oh my gawd! Your puppy is soooooo cute!” “Can I pet him? Does he bite?” (Fortunately, no…unless you’re a cat.) “Arf arf!” (That last one came from all the really little kids who tried to “talk” in dog language.)

In the early stages of accepting my childfreeness, such encounters could be painful. I’d think about how cute the kids were, how much I wished they were my own, and I’d lose myself in my loss. But over time, I began to cherish, even look forward to, these brief connections in what is otherwise a quiet daily life. In hindsight, I’ve thought about how they’ve helped me in the healing process. Trailing alongside as Beau served as neighborhood goodwill ambassador, I felt less isolated and more a part of my community. As he lapped up the hugs and cuddles, I got drawn into friendly conversations with strangers. Not “strangers,” just other humans seeking, like me, to give and receive a bit of affection.

Beau has since passed on to the dog park in the sky, or as dog lovers sometimes say, he’s crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. These days my walking companion is Louie, a rowdy, wicked-smart, completely devoted cattle dog-Corgi mix my husband and I adopted several years ago. (That’s Louie on the left and Beau on the right below.) He is not really my “kid”, he will never take the place of the children of my heart, but he is one of the great loves of my life, and I am so grateful for the joy he brings me.

I’ll bet many of you have also realized how much your four-legged companions have helped you through tough times. If you don’t have a pet, consider volunteering at a shelter to play with the animals, offer to walk a neighbor’s dog, or simply stop someone on the street and ask if you can pet his/her dog. If you are the lucky human of a beloved pet, I hope you’ll share a story in the comments of how s/he has brightened your world. We could all use a little extra dose of light and love today.

 

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.

The Need to Nurture

I like to tease my nieces and nephews by telling them that if they’re not nice to me, I’m going to leave my (ahem) “millions” to a home for cats. But how far from reality is the stereotype of the childless woman filling her home with feline (or canine, or even porcine) companions? Do we women really need some small helpless creature to nurture in order to satisfy our natural instincts?

photoI have a cat, Felicity, who I rescued almost 10 years ago, when I assumed she’d someday have to share my attention with children. She is spoiled and overindulged. She gets away with more than I’d ever tolerate from a human baby. But do I treat my cat as a substitute for a child?

Do I talk to her? Sing to her? Hold her like a baby? Do I blow raspberries on her belly? Do I refer to myself as “Mummy” in her presence?

Well, yes. I do.

I have a need to nurture and she is the (mostly) willing recipient of my affections. Does she fill the hole my human babies would have filled? Of course not, but she goes a long way to satisfying my need to care for something wholly dependent on me.

What do you think?  Do you need to fulfill some in-built need to nurture? Can the need be satisfied with a relationship with an animal?

Hey Advertisers, You Talkin’ To Me?

I was browsing a magazine this morning, drinking tea and eating some excellent toast with almond butter and blueberry jam, when an ad caught my eye. It might have been the two very handsome cats that first stopped my eye, but it was the words that really caught my attention.

“New and improved Blue cat food is cat-preferred and mom-preferred.”

Eh? Mom-preferred? What was that supposed to mean? I’ve become so accustomed to advertisers talking over the heads of non-moms that my first thought was that moms liked the food because the natural ingredients would do no harm to Little Johnny if he decided to help himself to the cat’s dinner. But reading on I realized that the advertisers were speaking to “moms and their furry family members” – i.e. pet moms.

This struck me as smart advertising. As a cat-mom (but not a human-mom) this ad spoke directly to me and I appreciated that. On taking a closer look I also realized that human-moms weren’t excluded either. Very smart advertising. Of course the cat-dads were excluded, but as the magazine is geared to women, I doubt there would be many complaints.

Did the ad cause me to run out and buy this brand of food? Well no. My furry family member is a cat after all, and I can’t just go around changing things on a whim, but I appreciated the advertisers thinking outside of the mommy box and including those of us with only furry family members. Maybe they’re starting to realize that just because you’re a woman of a particular age, doesn’t automatically mean you’re a mom.