Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday – In Defense of “Losers”

With all this posting about great childless women for National Women’s History Month, Whiny Wednesday has somehow seemed inappropriate. But now it’s long overdue.

I don’t own a TV so I have no idea who Kate Walsh is, but thanks to the Internet, I gather she’s something hot in the world of television. And I do know that she’s telling MORE magazine, and a whole lot of other people, that she “feels like a loser” because she doesn’t have children.

I feel as if I ought to be compassionate about this, to assure Ms. Walsh that she’s not a loser, just because she hasn’t added “Mother” to her resume, and to point out all the other areas of her life where she isn’t a loser…but it’s Whiny Wednesday and PMS week, and I’m just not feeling all that generous today.

So, thanks Ms. Walsh, thanks a bunch. I know you didn’t say that women who don’t have children are losers, but you sure did imply it. Way to go to perpetuate the stereotype that we women without kids are unfulfilled, dissatisfied with our lives, and something much less than our maternal counterparts. Might I suggest you browse some of the profiles posted here this month and give a little thought to exactly what it is about your life that has disappointed you?

And I’m sorry, but you won’t be making the Great Childless Women list. (Loser!)

Ok, feeling better now. It’s Whiny Wednesday, sisters. Feel free to vent your spleens at will.

Comments

  1. Lisa!
    I’m so glad you discussed this. I read her comments and was so disapointed. I for one don’t have children and know that I am NOT a loser! Everything you said in your post is spot on. I’m happy that there are people in this world such as yourself who offset those who do not possess your insight.

  2. Maybe because (I think; I haven’t had TV for over 2 years but used to watch Gray’s Anatomy) Kate Walsh plays a (childless, I believe) OB-GYN, she feels like she should somehow “connect” to her audience by making some comment about not having kids. It ticks me off too, though. I’ve felt the pressure throughout my adult life, whenever I was overwhelmed by work and responsibilities around women who had children, to always add “I can’t even IMAGINE how hard it must be to take care of kids as well!” (And then they’d go off to be holy mothers and I’d stay late again to finish work at the office.)

    I’m going to hope that she said that because she felt the same pressure from the mommy crowd. And then hope that we can find a way to change the perception that that pressure is in any way okay.

  3. I have been thinking about this post. I didn’t know who Kate Walsh was until I clicked on her name here and this is the only place I have seen her comment. I guess if you had asked me at certain times, I would certainly have said the same thing. That I feel like a loser. It is in those deep dark moments that I do. That feeling has never gone away and I don’t know if it it ever will. Maybe we do need to reach out to her? She obviously could use some help.

    • This is a really interesting idea, Colleen. I think I may snoop around and see if I can’t do that (now that I’ve blasted her in a blog post! Sigh.)

  4. Happy ICLW -and if this is the Kate Walsh from the UK, save your breath on the reach out – she is all of 21 type thing and will probably get pregnant whilst drinking a rose petal martini next week. Far more deserving people out there….and now I am hating myself in case I have the wrong Kate Walsh..infertility is a slippery sucker xxxxx

  6. This is a tricky one. I can see your point, and can see Colleen’s too.

    And yes, I think it’s worthy of a Whiny Wednesday post.

    Loribeth – the clinic does everything it seems (more storylines), but yes, Kate Walsh plays an obstetrician who can’t have children herself, and her friend used to be the fertility dr but I don’t think does that anymore. (Let’s just say, reality doesn’t interfere too much with the storylines – and you’re not missing much! (altho I like Grey’s Anatomy.)

  7. I skipped over that article in the magazine and now I’m really glad I did. Kate Walsh is a loser – not because she has no kids, but rather for making tha comment.

  9. In post-PMS week, I’m feeling a little more compassion towards Ms. Walsh. I’m sorry she feels like a loser, but I still wish she’d found a different way to say it so she didn’t tar us all with the same loser brush.

  10. When I read this post, I felt sort of sorry for this Kate Welsh person – (I have no idea who she is, I don’t watch either of those shows nor do I subscribe to More Magazine). I felt sorry for her because I know what that feeling is like when you come to the realization that you can’t have children in this child centric world that we live in. Unlike Ms. Welsh, for most of us – I would guess- we don’t have some national magazine ready to publish our story, but rather we must deal with it in our own personal way. I surely don’t feel like that anymore, actually my life is pretty good without children, but I have known that cry of despair when it comes to infertility. I can only hope that Ms. Welsh seeks assistance to deal with this aspect of her life vs. perpetuating the ‘myth’ that infertility is somehow a personal defect.