By Kathleen Guthrie
Sheryl Crow recently revealed that rock legend Stevie Nicks advised her “not to have babies, ’cause you’ll never write a great song again.” (Watch their amazing duet of “Landslide” on Oprah here.) Now, I don’t agree that mothers can’t also be great songwriters, but it is hard to argue with Ms. Nicks when you consider her legacy: more than 40 hits, over 140 albums sold, 8 Grammy Award nominations as a solo performer, 1 win for Album of the Year (for Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours), and 4 decades of success in the music industry. Plus, she looks damn hot at 62.
Tomorrow, May 3, Nicks’ latest album, In Your Dreams, will be released. In a parallel life, she might be helping out with the grandkids. Instead, in part because she’s childfree, she’s touring with Rod Stewart, promoting her album, and moving all of us with her extraordinary musical gifts.
So I say, Let’s support one of our own! Purchase the album, get tickets to her shows (visit her official Web site here for more information), and show the world that childfree women ROCK!
Kathleen Guthrie is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She’s mostly at peace with her decision to be childfree.
Time is the number one benefit of being child-free, and the prime reason some of us choose it. I was once introduced to a potential friend, solely for the reason that we both didn’t have children. (which I thought was odd) That was 7 years ago, and she is one of my very closest friends – and I have a lot of long-term, close friends. NO ONE, ever has enough time to do all the things that they want, and need, to do, and people with children, have LESS than not enough time. It has been my experience that, when you have kids, AND you like to make new friends, your new friendships MUST integrate with your kid activities, or there is just no way. It makes sense. Take my plenty-busy life, and add to it, a 24/7 job? It literally, boggles my mind. But this mandatory kid integration may help explain the inundation of painful reminders that people who are childless, not by choice, must experience on a daily (if not hourly) basis.
First, great blog. I really love reading it. When my husband and I couldn’t get pregnant for a while, the doctor was recommending fertility treatments. I really didn’t want to go through that, especially given some personal health issues I have. In the end, it all worked out without treatments but I remember facing that choice and the opinions people had about my unwillingness to go “the extra mile”.
I also want to say I think our society really doesn’t give enough respect to people’s life choices. It’s like, if you don’t follow a certain path, you’re an “other”.
As for this blog post, although I can see your point, I always resent it when it’s implied that, the minute you have children, your creativity and brain dies. (Not saying you said that- but Stevie Nicks did). Honestly, having a child forced me to focus my creativity and I have never been more productive. Yes, finding the time is challenging. And, yes, there are sacrifices. But, that doesn’t mean women can’t juggle children and a creative life.
I think a larger part of the problem is the way our society deals with motherhood. Instead of it becoming one part of your identity, it becomes your sole identity. Suddenly, you are expected to be “child-friendly” all the time. Umm.. no thanks. Yes, I am a mom but I am “me” too and my whole identity isn’t wrapped up in that.
And we push our kids so hard – everything has to be the best, the most. Everything and everyone should be put aside for this child. I think that’s wrong. Your child is part of the fabric of your family and sacrifices need to be made by both of you. How else are you going to teach them that they aren’t the center of the universe? Honestly, not doing so just contributes to the sense of entitlement I see everywhere.
Just my two cents.
I saw that episode of Oprah. It surprised me, because I thought Stevie Nicks had adopted… but I did some Googling & apparently not. I must be thinking of someone else.
I can remember reading that Bruce Springsteen, in his younger days, told a bandmate who got married, “Man, you’re going nowhere in your rock & roll career now.” It was supposed to be all about the music. Of course, he’s now married with three kids & still going strong himself, lol. So never say it can’t be done… but it’s not always easy, & I do have respect for people who can do many things well.
great post… though sometimes i wonder if i’m allowed to be childless and still not “rocking”, just living my little, mediocre life….