Getting old is the pits.
Even though I’m not yet even halfway through my planned life journey, I’m falling apart. Last week it was hot flashes; this week it’s a bad back. Not life threatening, but certainly life adjusting. And let me tell you, there’s nothing to make you feel more decrepit than being unable to lift your leg high enough to put on your underwear.
Luckily for me, my brother suffers from the same Achilles heel, so I was able to call him for sympathy. And now it’s Whiny Wednesday, so I can gripe to you too. I’m planning to be fully recovered and fit for dancing by the weekend (not that I plan to dance, but it would be nice to have the option) but in the meantime, all I have to say is, “Wah! Poor me!”
As it is WW, feel free to out-whine me. I dare you.
Just the same re-occurring things that remind me that I don’t have kids. Still finding it hard to flip my viewpoint and look at the good things about not having kids. Trying to find some friends who have the same type of hours free that I do. So many of them end up being part working moms, or SAHMs, so that adds another level of issues!
I want my bff back! We’ve been friends for 10 years and had our first fight about a month or so ago. In a nut shell, it was over my inability to have children and her ability to have them. And although we cried and apologized, things just haven’t been the same. I don’t want to go through this life without her. I want us to get back to understanding each other’s feelings and being respectful of them. I miss her everyday-ness in my life, as we only speak maybe once a week or so now. I know it’s hard on most friendships when one is a mother and the other is not, but this friendship I’m not willing to give up. I pray that we can move past it and truly forgive and forget and get back to the way we use to be. That’s my whiny wednesday!!!
My whiny wednesday has also to do with age i.e. it’a my birthday this week and I feel so old. I dont feel at all in a festive mood. but I have to celebrate according to friends and collegues. Not only am I getting old, I am getting grumpier by the minutes.
I’m on an extended vacation with my husband’s family, whom I haven’t spent alot of time with until now and we have some language barriers. For my husband’s sake I have strapped a smile on but I want to scream and run away. They were nice to me in the past but now things are different between us. My husband had a former wife/children and I have been inundated with pics of him and his children not to mention being called by her name repeatedly (they’ve been divorced for over 15 yrs). I have been here for 6 weeks and not asked a single question about my husband and I, it is like our relationship does not exist for them. Best part is we waited to have our marriage ceremony until now so we could be with them and his entire family opted not to attend so finally canceled the event. My husband is hurt by their decision…..I am tired, burnt out and I have 2 wks to go. I thought I was too old to feel ostracized and to some degree I am angry that I am letting it get to me, but a number of incredibly uncomfortable situations have occurred that make me feel like a child free/married late freak. These people are not awful people but we clearly will never have a connection, I make them uncomfortable for reasons I don’t totally understand due to the language/culture issues but ….ugh, right now I am a whiny mess……..
My husband’s family is also from a different culture. I’ve learned to speak his native tongue so I can communicate with his family now. Thankfully, these differences haven’t been a problem for us, but I can see where they could. Depending on the culture, it could help if your husband is very publicly supportive and loving towards you. It sounds though like they are still upset that his first marriage didn’t work out. On a positive note, though, I doubt that what seems like their negativity has anything to do with you. Try to make the most of it, and at least you’ll leave with the feeling that the ball is on their court and that you gave bonding with them or working towards a harmonious family relationship your best shot.
This has been the worst year (of several years) when it comes to my inlaw family. MIL basically has written us off since I can’t give her grandchildren. She doesn’t even know that we had another miscarriage 2 months ago. BIL & first wife didn’t want children. Years later he’s divorced & remarried to a woman with her own children and she’s too old to give him a child. Her children started their own families now and try as we (DH & I) might to have our family it’s just not happening for us. Fast forward — We do not exsist in my inlaw family. MIL has gone off the deep end showering her love, attention, camera, everything! at her other son, DIL, step grands and great grands. They all even take vacations together without inviting us. Photos of them are everywhere! We only hear from any of them if we make the call or emails. Feels like total dsyfunction between us and them. There’s such a seperation now that I don’t understand other than I feel that we’re being “punished” for not having babies. We’ve tried to talk to her about it and she won’t hear of it. Spins it to us being jealous, picking fights, etc. UGH – it’s just so sad & exhausting. I’m so angry. Now with the holidays coming up I don’t even want to be a part of it since we’ve been excluded all year without any explanation. But we are always expected for these two holidays – Thankgiving & Christmas – but don’t feel wanted when we go. Also, another “great grandbaby” is on the way so I know we’ll be hearing all about that at the dinner table. Not sure I can stomach such talk even though I always “grin and bear it”. I don’t want to be bitter and for the most part am not for BIL’s new step family. It’s just more so being ignorned and so bluntly left out of life with them without knowing why and not being able to get any answers from them. It’s like a conspiracy among them. Tearing up now – so will end my vent! Thanks for having this day to vent.
I hear you on the getting older part. I was hobbled with back pain over the weekend and today, I plan to do a search for exercises to tighten up my jowls. If only I could get rid of my drooping jowls, I would look ten years younger.
My whine for the week – my mother-in-law has invited herself to my husband’s firehouse Christmas party. We had invited Aron’s brother and his family to come – thinking the almost 3 year old would love the firetruck and seeing Santa. So now, MIL wants to see the 3 year old in the firehouse. UGH! Talk about ruining my fun day. She’s a freakin’ baby hog – so the time I planned to spend getting to know my new niece will be severely restricted and I’ll have to pay attention to MIL and FIL, taking time away from hanging with the other wives – which is the most fun part of the party for me. Friends have suggested that a little alcohol as the answer – but the party is in the firehouse and the FDNY does not allow alcohol in the firehouse. I can’t even keep a stash in our pickup parked out front of the firehouse – they are that serious about it. This may be my whine for the next several weeks.
Over the last couple of weeks, my family (mum, dad, sister, me) have gotten tangled up all over again in our “traditional” dynamics. My parents have been divorced for 20 (!!!!! for ***’s sake!) years. And still i let myself be pulled into games of them alternately wanting to be in touch/caring for each other and being bitter/angry/pushing the other away. All the time its either me or my sister who end up having to play the “telephone line”, telling mum that dad said… telling dad mum said… etc. Helping the one to cope with what the other did. I’v done this for over 30 years and I am sick of it all. Logically my psychotherapist thought that looking back at behaviour and emotions acquired during childhood might be helpful to cope with my feelings in the here and now. But I realized that it feels like i have to “spend” my expensive psychotherapy sessions on “them” again. When all i need is support to deal with what happened to me in the last three years and to find out where i want to go. I’m a grown up and don’t want to put my energy into this past family anymore. I’ve told her so yesterday and we’ll see where it leads us.
Sometimes i think producing your own children and family is the only thing which wil make your parents and siblings understand that you’re not part of a long-gone “us” anymore.
I realize it’s not Wednesday anymore, but I have a whine I really need to get out…My friend and neighbor just announced her pregnancy. She is the 10th friend in the past 2 months to do so. Really???!?!!? 10 people in less than 2 months is just way too much for me to deal with right now.
I just recently found this blog, and it has been so helpful in the short time since I found it. I’m at the very beginning of my journey of learning to live childless. I went through several rounds of IVF this year, only to be told that we are no longer candidates for it, and that our only choice for kids at this point is adoption, and my husband is not a fan of the idea. I’m really trying to come to terms with not ever being a mom, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around it. My marriage has suffered big time through it all, and we are trying to pick up the pieces of it as well.