Mr. Fab and I went away for the weekend. It was practically perfect in every way. We got some rest, went hiking, ate too much, and generally enjoyed the small town and the outdoors.
But I just realized that we didn’t see any kids.
Now that I’m really wracking my brains I remember there was a couple with two toddlers in a burger joint and a woman with two kids at the lighthouse, but other than that it was a very adult weekend.
You’d think this wouldn’t be Whiny Wednesday material, and I suppose it’s not, but I’m having one of those Twilight Zone/Stepford moments where it feels as if there’s something very wrong in paradise.
Regardless, don’t let me get in the way of an otherwise perfect Whiny Wednesday. If you’ve got something on your chest, feel free to get it off here.
It’s because from preschool, parents are convinced that every activity must move their precocious darlings in a direct line to Ivy-league acceptance…sounds like a perfect weekend to me!
My whine is that I had a night meeting last night for work that didn’t get done until really late. When I got home, I got no greeting whatsoever from my dog. For the husband, he wakes up, goes running to the door, all waggy,waggy. For me, he didn’t even lift his head off his bed. And, I was still so wired from the meeting that I couldn’t get to sleep until after midnight. I am tired this morning.
I feel quite whiny today…so I am so glad its Wednesday.
Nine months ago today I found out that my last IVF using a donor was a BFN. This was our last chance for a baby. I then realized that it’s been 9 months, that means I would be having our baby at anytime now, if not already. I try not to let my mind wander in that direction, but since I was already on that path, what the heck. All the what-if’s came flooding in until I finally had to put a halt on that thought pattern. With all that, I forgot that this Saturday is my ‘friends’ babyshower (I use the word friend loosely….long story). I will not be attending as I am trying to do what is best for me at this time but I still have to purchase a gift. So, I decided to look up her registry at Target….only to find myself flipping through the pages and pages of things I would have chosen. My husband finally had to put a stop to it and make me pick one item on her list and move on. Needless to say, I am struggling with not being depressed today and it has only gotten worse with the news of my co-workers wife who had her baby late last night. Thank God I only work with men so they aren’t all giddy about it like women get.
For the last month I have been feeling like I have finally turned the page and have started a new chapter in my life – today, I feel like I have gone back to the beginning of the book and have to start all over again. I know this will pass, but it is just a brutal reminder of the struggles that I wall continue to face day in and day out with not being able to have a child.
On a positive note….my last weekend was amazing with my hubby and two dogs. We went camping at the beach and had perfect weather and a very relaxing time together.