This post was originally published on November 30, 2011.
I’ve had a bad back for a couple of weeks now, so I went to a new doctor for the first time. Here’s the conversation we had (roughly) and keep in mind I went in for a bad back:
Dr: Do you have kids?
Me: No.
Dr: Are you married?
Me: (in my head) What the hell does this have to do with anything?)
Me: (out loud) Yes.
Dr: (moments later) Have you had kids?
Me: No.
Dr: Any pregnancies?
Me: No.
I considered explaining my situation, but the guy’s a chiropractor for God’s sake and he has my file right there, so I let it go. A few minutes later I’m standing with my pants around my ankles getting a back x-ray.
X-ray Tech: Are you pregnant?
Me: No.
X-ray Tech: Is there any chance you could be pregnant?
Me: No.
X-ray Tech: When was your last period?
Me: (gives her the date)
Short pause while she does the math.
X-ray Tech: Ok, I’m going to hang a plate in front of you to protect your ovaries.
Me: (in my mind) Don’t waste your time; they’re already fried.)
Me: (out loud) OK.
So, maybe I was a surly patient. I chalk it up to my bad back. But sometimes I don’t feel like explaining why I don’t have children, not even to my doctor.
It’s Whiny Wednesday. I’m cranky about doctors; what’s under your skin this week?
yup. I do not want to expain about being childless to anybody either.
Might be obsessive here…I admit- but I’m having hard time letting go that the friend who didn’t want children, who had been there with me through my infertility “trip”, announcing she’s pregnant (planned)- her baby is due anytime now (full term) now to next two weeks…and I’m having a hard time ‘forgetting’ that.
And that I”m tired of being a therapist. Seriously.
Hang in there. If you want to talk off-line, write me. I will send you a friend request. I’ve written about my 44 year old friend with the donor egg and she is due in November.I’m dreading it too.
I couldn’t find you in the community so if you want to chat here, write me back and will check for your comment. Or you can search me – I’m Maria in NJ
Whines today. Only that I have a major meeting tomorrow, and I’m petrified AF is going to arrive, with a vengeance. I’m so ready for AF to go away, and stay away forever (she’s not welcome here anymore).
Although I have left Facebook, a quote that a cousin of mine posted on her facebook page, enrages and saddens me…
“Without my kids,
Tomorrow wouldn’t be worth the wait
And yesterday wouldn’t be worth remembering”
…I suppose anyone who is childless or childfree by what ever circumstance, whether by choice, or not, should just end their life right now. I know there is an abundance of these meaningless quotes on the internet, but for some reason, reading this coming from a family member, felt like an arrow in the heart.
I believe we all have people and things that encourage us to press on in the hard times. For some people that is children, for others its work or something else. Obviously to your cousin, it’s her children. I personally know it to be dangerous to have one’s happiness and life so dependent on another person.
What happens if that person moves away, an unresolvable argument happens, the person dies?
Lauren, I totally understand how words can just strike someone totally wrong. I have had that happen a lot of times in the last four years. I really think most of the fertile community does not think about much other than their children, which is part of why you see people getting divorced after they have finished raising their children. They have taken their marriage for granted while raising their children.
Lauren, what and/or who is special and important to you right now?
When I lived with my ex going through TTC and IUI and the following crisis and split in the relationship there was this couple staying in the flat upstairs who were unemployed, drinking, doing drugs and keeping horrible dogs. They kept me awake all night with their noise and at some point the woman announced that she was pregnant. I said to my partner that i would seriously have a nervous breakdown if they lived upstairs with a crying baby. I have always had a hard time sleeping when there was noise but that expierence (and the flat before that, in an area with heavy circulation) have left me really sensitive and jumpy.
After the split I moved to a new flat in a very nice and quiet area and for the first time in years slept quietly. Except the nights when i was crying and bawling my eyes out very noisily until the worst of the crisis was over. It’s an old house and you can here EVERYTHING the neighbours do. The young woman above me was very sympathetic because she heard me crying – and I was very embarrassed.
Now the thing is she seems to have some problems too and doesn’t work and now obviously her sleep/wake pattern is a bit shaken, since a few weeks she is often up until 1am. Even if she only walks through her flat that means it sounds like someone is banging on my ceiling. So she keeps me effectively awake.
I had only about 4hrs of sleep last night and am extremely tired now and not doing much good at work. I want to talk to her about the noise but at the same time she has been very patient with me so i don’t really dare. I am really scared that another batch of sleepless months is coming on and don’t know what to do about it.
Why does my dentist need to know that I have had a hysterectomy? For goodness sake, he’s working on my teeth.
Screw my ovaries. I’d like the metal apron to protect my stomach, intestines, liver, gall bladder, and pancreas, thankyouverymuch. I actually USE those.
I quit my dentist because he started giving me fertility advice. Even my vet said to me”do you have kids? This’d be a great dog for kids!”