On a walk recently, my husband mentioned that a friend of ours is planning to move with her husband and small daughter to a more family-friendly neighborhood. I knew what was coming next. Once someone has a baby, it seems it’s only a matter of time before the next pregnancy announcement comes. I’d been expecting this news and my genuine happiness for her showed me how far I’ve come.
However, when my husband broke the news of our friend’s pregnancy, I saw him shrink away in the way you’d expect a mistreated dog to cringe when someone raises his voice. It made me sad to realize the damage my infertility experience has left in its wake.
My husband isn’t the only one who’s been affected. I’ve noticed friends stepping very carefully around the topic of babies and children, and keeping a close eye on me to gauge my reaction as to how much they can say. I am grateful for their sensitivity, but I’m sorry that they still can’t fully relax around me.
My infertility and my subsequent healing have been the major focus of my life for a number of years now. I’ve been working hard to sort through my emotions, deal with my grief, and get to the point where I can have conversations about pregnancy and babies without feeling upset or envious. But I realize that those around me don’t know yet how far I’ve come and they’re still stepping gingerly around me, as if I’m and unexploded bomb that looks safe enough but that could go off at any time.
It seems that the next step of my healing journey needs to be repairing some of the damage done by Hurricane Infertility, and letting my friends know that it’s safe to be around me again.
First, well done you for being happy for your friend. It’s a real step in the healing to be able to feel that without the pain and twinges we used to feel.
Second – yep, can relate to having to let your friends know it is safe to be around. One of my best friend reads my blog (and others I’ve linked to – so perhaps she reads this too) and we often talk about the issues from our different life perspectives. She knows it’s safe now too!
I’m ok with the kids and the babies. I still have a hard time with the pregnancy announcements and belly bumps…
Hurricane Infertility, yup she continues to let her presence be felt long after her departure.
Guv casually dropped into conversation the other day how the receptionist at his work is currently 8 weeks pregnant and I could tell by the pause immediately after he said it that he hadn’t meant to tell me. I HATE how Infertility and all our losses has made me so bitter and resentful towards anyone and everyone’s pregnancy announcements. I hate even more, the fact that my husband is reluctant to tell me others good news because he KNOWS how I’m going to react.