My friend has been very sick recently. She is single, doesn’t have children, and her family lives in another state, so when she told me what was going on, I offered to go with her to her doctor’s appointments and help her out while she recovers from surgery.
One of the reasons I’m able to be there for her is that I don’t have children (the other is that I work for myself, so I can easily move my schedule around.) If I had children to care for, there’s no way I would have been able to sit in on her appointments or even just hang out with her and keep her company.
It’s also not lost on me that I am one husband and one diagnosis away from being in her position. As, statistically, I should outlive Mr. Fab, there’s a very real possibility that I could someday find myself in her shoes. And frankly, it’s scaring the crap out of me.
I’ve been pretty cavalier so far about what will happen to me in the future and who will be there for me when I’m old or if I get sick. Mr. Fab is a rotten nurse as a rule, but I know that if ever I were really sick, he’d be there for me. But if he’s not around, then who will be?
I now know from experience that there’s only so much a friend can do and I know that my friend has still spent much of the last few weeks dealing with her illness alone. Truly it’s a horrible thought.
But before I drag you down into a pit of despair, take heart. Something is going on with me that I cannot yet explain. Although I’m generally quick to dismiss the “everything happens for a reason” school of thought, I have a very strong and inexplicable feeling that something positive will come out of this experience with my friend. Maybe I have something to learn from her or maybe she’s casting a light on something I need to consider. Maybe her journey will show me the solution to my own fear.
I’m sorry to be so vague and mysterious, but I don’t yet have any explanation for my odd feeling. But something is coming, and when it does, you can bet I’ll be sharing it with you here.
My husband is not good now when I have had to deal with health scares. I end up comforting him when I’m the one in need of comforting. My family is not good at being supportive either so I know I wouldn’t call them. I have one very good friend and that’s probably who I would turn to if I had a very serious illness, whether my husband was around or not. Perhaps this is the lesson that is coming your way?
I was just thinking about friendship yesterday, and realized that in the past I’ve been the “go to person” for a lot of my friends. I know that I would open my home to them and help in anyway I can. I have done this in the past. I have a few good friends that would do this for me. I’m close to my sister in law and my brother, and my nephew, and especially my niece. Though I know I would not want to burden anyone beyond their ability, I think I can count on quite a few people to come through for me when and if I need it. My aunt, who was childless, passed away a few years ago. She had been a widow then (for over 20 years), but when she was ill and when she passed away she was surrounded by family and friends to the very end. Recently, I had a nightmare involving a nursing home. Clearly, my anxieties are making their way out of my subconscious mind. I try to reflect how in the past, those things that I had feared, if indeed those fears came through, were mostly manageable, how my mind conjures up “worst case scenarios”, but that in the end what happens has been manageable, or at least not as bad as I had expected it to be, which is why they say, live in the now. Easier said than done, I know.
I’m very glad you can be there for your friend. And if there is any karma in the world, you’ll have people with you when you need it too.
I have that fear too, and it is greatly amplified by the outsider nature of the step mom role. While I am sure my skids care for me, I’m definitely not on their priority list. I feel like I’m at a point where I’m a supporting cast member in my own life. Even attempts to try create a community for myself have led to Hubs being the most adored member of our couplehood. Starting to feel a bit like the invisible women.