My whine today is that I am tired of being tired. I have a day clear of appointments today, which means I can settle down and write, take care of a client project, work on the website, and read a friend’s book proposal, but all I want to do is lay on the couch and sleep.
It’s on days like today that I am thankful I don’t have children to care for. You’ve seen those photos of the big sow, flopped on her side with a dozen piglets clamoring all over her. I’m afraid that if I had kids, that would be me.
Anyway, it’s Whiny Wednesday. If you have the energy, feel free to have a good gripe here today. Just don’t wake me up.
I ordered a mochalatte.. and I went on to work without sipping it (to give it time to cool)..and took the first taste. GAH!!!! Like a rat died. I looked at it, and realized I got a macchiato instead, 6 espresso shots. Sure enough to wake me up with just one taste. Should give you some! lol
Well, I’m drowning this coffee with some sugar and chocolate chips, all melted and milk…hope that’d help.
I have a couple whines that accumulated over the past few days. On Father’s Day, my husband and I took my mother to my father’s grave to plant flowers and my one sister who I am close to met us there. My mother had 5 children and her favorite is my other sister, and my youngest brother. In the car over, she was very critical over the sister who was meeting us as a mother and when I defended her my mother told me, look you don’t know, you never had children. She also went on about what a good mother she had been (NOT). My husband said he saw me visibly flinch but I stayed calm and he told me he was proud of me for taking the high road. He on the other hand said he wanted to turn around and slap my mother in the rear seat.
Then yesterday, I found out by accident that my mother is having surgery tomorrow to place 4 stints in her arteries – 2 in her heart. She had a heart attack you and open heart surgery a few years ago. She told her 2 favorite children about the surgery and I called her asked why she didn’t tell all of us — she said she didn’t want to bother us. I just don’t understand her at all and how she can treat some of her children so differently than others. But then again, I’ve never been a mother so how can I possibly understand.
I wrote she had a heart attack you – I meant to say had a heart attack young. In her 40s.
I totally get this Maria. My mother favors my one brother (the only boy out of six children) over all five of her daughters put together. She told me a few years ago that she is putting her affairs in order for when she passes away (she’s 81 now) and that she’s leaving everything to my brother, “… because he always seems to need it.” (Like the rest of us are all rich!?)… I don’t know how parents can play favorites and NOT think about the impact of it on their kids. It sets up all kinds of resentment and jealousy, at any age. Who would want that for their children? Like you, I have to take the high road too.
The most hurtful thing I read in your post is your mother saying you wouldn’t know because you never had children. That’s a double-edge sword there, as she dismissed the child you’ve lost AND dismissed your ability to have intelligent rational thoughts about parenting.
I’m sorry to hear this happens to you. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a generational thing. My mother always says too that she doesn’t have any favorites, that she loves us all equally. I have told her, you may love us all the same, but you definitely like some more than others. She disagrees and I wonder if she really doesn’t see it, or just refuses to. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that she has changed her Will to leave everything to her favorite daughter.
I think we’ve touched on this subject before of different generations and how they view pregnancy, miscarriage, children, parenting, etc… I find that the older my mother gets, the more set in her ways she can be, and harder than ever to reach when trying to point out her inequalities and insensitivity. Depending on the topic, I find letting things go makes the most sense. I ask myself, “Is she really going to change? At 81?”… Probably not.
I’m glad your husband is so supportive of you, and is attentive during these situations. My husband is the same way, and makes taking the higher ground with my mother a lot easier.
I’m sorry. It hurts so much when people pull the stupid “You couldn’t know . . . ” (and i’m not smart enough to imagine?)
My mother was . . . lacking . . . to say the least. I recognized this at a young age and avoided her as much as possible. I moved away within two weeks of turning 18. I guess you always want what you can’t have. My sisters tell me i’m the favored child which just makes me sad. I get the “better” gifts (that i really don’t want) because she’s trying to “buy me back” or something. It doesn’t work and it hurts my sisters. And i hurt that they are hurt.
In unhealthy families, the hurt just keeps on giving. Hugs to us all for surviving.
After years of being unhappy, and years of infertility, I’m leaving my husband. Enough said.
So sorry to hear, but wishing you the best and hoping your future will always be bright.
Thinking of you Shelley. Blessings to you on this next chapter in your life.
Last summer, a very nice teller at my bank found out she was pregnant the same time I had found out that I was pregnant (last August). We compared details and found out we were due the same week in April. After my miscarriage, I avoided the bank and this particular teller like the plague. I was afraid she was going to ask me about my pregnancy, and I would have to tell her I miscarried. I was afraid to see her growing belly. I was afraid I would burst into tears right there at the bank teller’s window if I had to see her.
Finally after nine months of avoidance, our due dates have passed and I decided it was time to grow up and finally go back to the bank. It’s the only convenient branch nearby and I couldn’t avoid it/her forever. So I went in on Saturday and after taking care of my financial business, I asked the girl behind the window “Where’s the teller who was having the baby? Does she still work here?” The teller told me that she received a transfer and didn’t work at that branch anymore, and that she had a healthy baby girl on April 15. I smiled and said “Good for her”.
When I got back into my car I was in tears. Like her, I had carried a girl and April 15 was my scheduled due date. Why did SHE get her April 15th daughter and I didn’t? I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. It’s been days and I’m still in tears. I feel like in some strange way this bank teller stole something from me. I’m glad I don’t have to see her again. She’s a very nice person, but she’ll never know what kind of impact she’s had on me these past eight months. I’m relieved she’s been transferred so I don’t have to see pictures of her new baby at her teller station.
Meanwhile, while she’s holding her now nine-week old baby girl, my husband and I will be placing the grave marker on our baby’s burial spot at the cemetery this weekend. We ordered a lovely engraved stone with her name on it. Throw Father’s Day in the mix, and it’s been a very hard week for my husband and me.
So very sorry.
Thank you IrisD. I’m so grateful for these Wednesdays here and for the chance to articulate whatever is weighing me down. Everyone is so kind and supportive!
I’m sorry too. Hugs
I am sorry.
I’ve a friend with a 7 YO who was born 2 weeks after our first due date. It takes my breath away to see the BD pics and wonder . . .
Hugs to you. I’m so sorry for your difficult week.
Throwing my arms around you Mary and holding you tight. If you want to cry, I will cry with you.
Thank you Iris, Maria, Kathryn and Wendy… and thank you Lisa, for providing this blog for us so we all have a way to share our difficulties. I don’t know where everyone lives, but I wish that we all lived nearby one another. We could have a Whiney Wednesday altogether in person!
I am very sorry for you both. Sending you big hugs.
Traveled with DH and my family to attend my graduation ceremony, but DH went to his home country, as he does every year in winter and summer to stay with his parents. He’ll be gone for just over two months. I’m missing him already, and it’s only been 3 days.
Congratulations on your graduation Iris! I wish you many friends to keep you company while DH is away. If I could, I’d be right over with a plate of brownies and some good movies to watch. 🙂
That sounds awesome. Wish you were around, too! 🙂
My husband and I just spent $2000 on plane tickets for my mother-in-law to visit from Brazil where she’s from. My husband’s brother and his wife, son, and 3 step daughters live in our same city. My MIL arrived this afternoon. I went to pick my MIL up at my husband’s job after my work ended today, as planned, and my sister in law was there 30 seconds after I arrived, offerring to take my mother in law to go see their son/her grandson. She was supposed to just stop by and then bring her back to my house. That was 3 hours ago…she still hasn’t been dropped off, and no call from my sister in law. Typical. By the way they never pay a dime for her to come because they are too broke with all their kids. But they act like her seeing their son is more valuable than her seeing us. It jut hurts my feelings and makes me mad.
I was damaged by an antibiotic (Cipro) almost 6 years ago. I thought i was rather unique as i’d never heard of this happening and i am one of the people who get weird side effects to meds (thus i never take Rx or OTC anything anymore). My life has never recovered from Cipro and i’ll probably always be on disability now. BUT i have learned that this is a wide-spread problem and there are thousands and thousands of people out there damaged by this horrible drug (and related ones called fluoroquinolones). People have died or become permanently bed-bound because of this poison.
I just met three other people with this in person on Tuesday. One is in a permanent neck brace because his tendons snapped and won’t support his head.
I sat across the table last night from someone just prescribed Cipro for a UTI. (Cipro should be reserved for hospitalized people as a last reserve.) I know the incidence / chance of her having a severe reaction is low, but if it happens the chance of it being life-changing is very high. I care about her. I encouraged her to research it. She thinks because she’s probably had it before she’ll be okay. But, like Russian-roulette, just because you didn’t get the bullet one time doesn’t mean you won’t get it the next time. And repeated use does increase the chance of a future reaction.
Instead of realizing i care and don’t wish anyone to be damaged and especially not her, she sees me as an old-biddy gore crow. I’m hurt and i’m worried and i have to let go and walk away – but not stop caring somehow. It would be easier if i could stop caring. Letting go is so hard!
I know it’s Thursday but here’s my Whiny Wednesday rant. On Monday, I went in to see my doctor because they would not change one of my prescriptions without an office visit since it’s been six months since I was in. So that was strike #1. Really hate seeing this doctor because she is the first doctor I saw after the unexpected hysterectomy and I was in the early stages of starting to deal with the realization that I would never have children of my own. So that was strike #2. My doctor’s nurse is pregnant and probably only about a month or two out from having her baby. So that was strike #3. Had them make it my annual physical while they were at it since with the closing of the local clinic I am now driving over half an hour rather than just 5 minutes. The doctor (woman) proceeds to go through my whole medical history. “You have had a full hysterectomy, right?” How many times are we going to need to have this discussion??!!! I really wanted to say, “No, I’ve had a lobotomy!” Strike #4. Now that the clinic is over half an hour away (and totally opposite direction of anywhere else I go), I am going to try to find a different doctor so someone else can ask me my whole medical history again but hopefully be more respectful in how they approach me. Too much emotional baggage there and this doctor does not like the fact that I started working with a naturpathic doctor after conventional medicine was not helping with all the post surgery problems I was having.
Uugghh, it’s excruciating to have to go over the painful details of our medical histories, over and over again, especially when we know they know already. What’s up with that? Good for you for seeking alternative medicine, if that’s where your gut instinct tells you to go. This threatens some western-minded doctors for some reason. I hope the naturopath was able to help. I love my naturopath, and go to him first with most of my medical questions.
Lisa, I hear your exhaustion. I am so overtired that I:
– put dog food in the coffee filter
– couldn’t find the keys that I had stuffed in my bra (since I didn’t have a pocket ) until the end of the night
– It’s 9:45 am and I could go back to bed until tomorrow. Instead, I am aiming to be in bed at 7:00 pm