By Maybe Lady Liz
For those of us without kids, our pets are our children. For those of us who are also insane, our best friends’ animals are essentially our nieces and nephews. We sometimes send them Christmas cards from “Auntie Lizard”, or even draw paw prints as signatures for “Cousin Jacques & Cousin Olivia”. I’m not describing all this to frighten you (though I can only assume I have). I’m merely trying to set the stage for my level of emotional attachment to my best friend’s two cats. And my shock and sadness when she told me she’s getting rid of them because she’s afraid they might not be good around her not-yet-one-year-old daughter.
Before she had a child, her cats received an embarrassing amount of attention. Cuddling and smooching sessions that would have prompted passersby to suggest they get a room. She freely referred to them as her babies and we talked about what wrecks we’d be when our cats eventually passed away. She was the only person in my life who was also considering not having kids, and I assumed we’d grow into crazy old cat ladies together. So imagine my surprise when I went to visit her earlier this year to meet the (unexpected) baby and see the new house, only to find that the cats had been relegated to little more than a nuisance. If they hopped on her lap, they were swiftly brushed off. If they did something she formerly found quirky, it was now supremely annoying.
I knew things had changed, but I can’t say I wasn’t still completely blown away to find out in an email last week that she was getting rid of them. In addition to being afraid they would scratch the baby (though nothing of the sort had yet happened), her main reason was simply that they weren’t getting the attention they deserved. Which, silly me, seemed like a rather easily remedied problem. She was a stay-at-home-mom and spent far more time in proximity to the cats than most pet owners who left every day for work. Was there truly not enough love to go around? Not enough energy to extend an arm and give them a nice scratch under the chin? No room on the couch to let them curl up on your lap during a movie? A spare two minutes for a rousing game of Red Dot?
I know parents will tell me that I just don’t get it since I don’t have kids. And I guess…they’d be right.
Maybe Lady Liz is blogging her way through the decision of whether to create her own Cheerio-encrusted ankle-biters, or remain Childfree. You can follow her through the ups and downs at MaybeBabyMaybeNot.com.
Sorry I don’t get her sudden distain for her fur babies either.
I have a friend who runs a dog rescue and rehabilitation center. A stunning number of her rescuees are dumped (neglected, dropped at random places, literally left on the side of the road) by their owners when kids come along. It’s heartbreaking. When I adopted my dog, I promised to care for him, similar to how I would have promised to care for a child (should I have been blessed with one). You don’t just dump a member of your family when it becomes inconvenient. This whole scenario is so sad to me.
I’ve seen it too, but then when those babies grow up to be annoying teenagers, the mother gets another dog and lavishes attention on the pet again.
Reposted: http://thebitterbabe.wordpress.com/2013/07/23/neglect/
I don’t get it at all. It doesn’t take a lot to share a couple minutes with you feline friend…and more importantly, when you take home a pet – I am a firm believer that you are making a life long commitment. Ditching them because something better came along isn’t very honourable. I understand that when people become ill, or there’s a tragedy or something that they need to rehome their pets. But people who rehome them just because its not convenient to have them anymore should never get pets in the first place.
I’ve seen this with a couple of friends and it really disgusts me. Constancy knows no species.
When I try to understand why people do this, my guess is that when a baby comes along, the mother is exhausted from being pawed at by a baby, and constantly cleaning poop and pee. When they have a moment to themselves, the last thing mommy wants to do is deal with another living thing starving for their attention, or have to change a litterbox. Doesn’t make it right, but I’m guessing that’s what it’s all about. For every person that feels that way, I think there are just as many people who feel their pets are still part of their family and they are brought into the baby’s life like anyone else they love. I like those people much better. In my fantasy, my child would have loved my dog, my dog would have loved it, they would play together, given each other hugs and kisses, been best friends. My dog passed away from old age and that dream broke my heart.
I hate when people do this. It is absolutely unfair to the animals. If we had a child, I still wouldn’t have given up the animals (except for severe allergies). My pets are part of my family. We call them the fur cousins and love them to bits. We even have guardians for them in the event that we are unable to care for them or pass away. Extreme? Perhaps, but they love us and are as defenseless as any child without a caregiver.
I don’t get it either. Growing up we had a bunch of pets in the house and I’m so glad I got that love of animals from my family. When you get a pet it’s a lifelong commitment. I saw a lady who wanted to rehome her two dogs she had for 10years because her new husband didn’t like them.
I am by no means a pet person. But, I am so glad I rescued now my miniature poodle from my sister-in-law, nieces and nephews. Piper the poodle started biting the neighborhood kids and adults to-anyone. He couldn’t handle all the action and chaos that comes with having 4 kids in the house. In the past my sister-in-law had suggested that maybe I needed a little pooch as an emotional service dog. I did look into getting a little dog but never followed through on it because my husband doesn’t care for little dogs. Then, Piper’s biting got worse and she had to make a decision to give Piper up. She and her husband thought of me to rescue Piper from their home. It’s been a little over a year and I’m so glad my husband agreed to let me have him. Piper has been my rescue. I do like to carry him around the house like my little baby. He follows me around the house like my little shadow. I wish I could take him out with me more but he does get anxious around strangers. He’s much happier in our home with no kids and a set schedule.
-Kathryn
This is really sad. Fortunately, my sisters and friends who had pets all absorbed them into their lives when they had children, and now the children adore them. Besides, a cat wouldn’t lower itself to scratch a baby or child, they can move much more quickly than the child, and they’re always quite gentle with children (in my experience).
We were cat people. But our cats grew old and died, and we haven’t replaced them. We’re kind of enjoying being empty (pet) nesters.
Having pets in the home demonstrates responsibility, empathy and love to kids better than anything else. Giving away your “fur babies” is, in my opinion, bad role-modelling–unless there is real danger to the child. Not every pet is a good fit for every family, but that doesn’t mean you give up on your existing pets.
This nearly has me in tears. I think it horrible. My hubby and i don’t call one another “mama” and “daddy” in relationship to our cats. (My first husband did that and i found it offensive.) But i love my cats and consider any animal i take in to be a life-long obligation. Animals don’t understand when suddenly they are second class and a nuisance. It is also a real problem when parents don’t teach the children how to be appropriate with pets. There was this article recently: http://speakingforspot.com/blog/2013/07/14/why-some-pet-photos-make-me-nervous/ I don’t understand people. I really, really do not.
BTW, having pets generally means LESS allergies for kids growing up with them, and if the parent teaches the child respect for an animal, it helps them with love and compassion, too.
During my two pregnancies (which ended in miscarriages), I never ever thought about giving away our cat(s). I made a commitment to take care of them for their lifespan and I take that commitment very serious. Our love for our cats runs very deep and we would have done whatever it takes to make sure they continued to be part of our family, as they are today without child(ren). We volunteer at a cat shelter every other weekend and see it all the time with people dropping off cats because of a new addition (baby) to their family…so very sad.