A college friend just posted a photo of her son and his date all dressed up for the homecoming dance.
It got my attention because the “kids” weren’t much younger than my friend and her now-husband when I first met them, and, as the boy looks like his father, the photo reminded me of them and how flipping long it’s been since I was in school.
It also caused a pang of sadness for another experience I won’t get to have. I won’t get to send my teen off on his first date or take a photo of him and realize he’s a carbon copy of his dad.
It’s Whiny Wednesday, and today I’m feeling whiny about how unfair life can be.
I’m sitting here on my couch with my three dogs, painful arthritis, a sinus infection, body aches and an infected eye duct. And I’m thinking how great it is that I don’t have to care for a smelly, snotty-nosed crying and screaming sick toddler right now. Instead I’m just sitting back with my dogs and a coffee, watching tv. I might actually crawl back into bed soon. I’m starting to actually enjoy some of the perks of being child free even though not by choice. Didn’t think I’d ever get here. Thank you Life Without Baby 🙂
Love those moments, you rest up.
I get the same feeling when I see children of friends growing up to look like the friends I knew when I was young. It also makes me feel very old.
My husband and I were at a car show a few weeks ago. We saw a boy that looked about 8 years old (which would be the age of my child if I did not miscarry). He looked smart, geeky and had glasses (like me) but was overweight with a blond crewcut (like my husband as a child). I said to my husband, that’s what our child would look like if we had one and he said he was thinking the same thing. I said, and we would have named him Oskar, and my husband said, poor kid. Then we both laughed. The little boy left his parents to get a closer look at us too. I was thinking maybe he is our kid but the universe placed him with something else to raise him. It was very weird. I was just glad it didn’t upset me — it was kind of nice to have that glimpse and share it with my husband.
That’s a sweet story Maria. I’m glad it didn’t upset you.
That’s so sweet 🙂
Thank you both Mary and Beck
– Here goes… I need to vent today!!!
– I walk into work on Monday and I’m greeted with an ungrateful parent complaining that her children (plural..) are sick. Now I’m sure it’s not easy, and I know I’m having a very difficult time coping with not having children (Oct/Nov/Dec are difficult months for me – it’s when I miscarried all my babies) so I’m edgy to begin with, but I just couldn’t help myself and let loose!!! I said “Oh, you are so lucky to have your beautiful children… you know, not everyone gets to be a parent.”… she responded, “but they are throwing up!” to which I responded “I would take that any day of the week!” and walk out of the room. – I know, I know… it was a bad representation for childless women, but sometimes I’m at my breaking point….and Monday was one of those days!! The women that I said this to has spoken to me since, so I guess it just upset me more than it upset her!! – Here’s how I view this situation. A parent complaining to me about the woes of parenting is like me complaining to someone who is paralyzed and in a wheelchair- about having blisters on my feet after running a marathon! What they wouldn’t give to be able to have blisters on their feet from running!!! No sane person would ever even think of doing that, but parents complain all the time- and sometimes it just gets the better of me some days, like it did on Monday. – ty for letting me vent – I needed this today!
Ps – you ladies give me hope on days when I need hope. I may not always respond, but I’m always reading and grateful for the support I feel even when I’m just reading! Ty ty ty!!
My sister complains about her kids to me all the time and that’s after she experienced 5 years of infertility, so in theory she should know better.. Especially since she had 5 children in the end.. 3 were in her 40s! Ggrrrr! Makes me so angry.
This month my husband and I commemorated the one year anniversary of losing our only child through miscarriage. A year ago Oct 1 we received the news that the baby’s heart had stopped beating. A year ago Oct 5, after three days of bleeding, cramping and contractions, I passed the sac in tact and held it in my hands. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the trauma of those days, and especially of that moment. Life doesn’t make any sense at all, and is very very unfair.
Life can be so cruel, reminds me of my last miscarriage, it was 1 year ago in September. Still very raw and my body still hasn’t recovered. Cycle has never returned to normal. Big hugs to you x
Sorry Mary. The first anniversary was very hard on me too. This month was my due date. Thinking of you.
Hugs to everyone who is having a rough day today.
I think I’m being ostracized at work because I didn’t go to a baby shower. Of course, I didn’t go because it would have been too difficult for me to sit through and not feel like breaking down in tears. So, instead, I decided to avoid the situation all together. Now, it feels like all the other girls that went to the shower are a little cold to me, going out to lunch without inviting me. I was trying to protect myself. Why is it that I’m feeling like the bad person?
You are not a bad person. I hate that the world expects us to suck it up and be happy for everyone else and move on without skipping a beat because those around us can’t handle the pain associated with being a not-success-story. You have every right to your feelings and you are no obligated to explain to anyone. If you don’t want to tell them why you didn’t go, just pretend you don’t notice what they are doing just as much as they are pretending you don’t feel hurt. Ask them to go to lunch and eventually they will go with you. Or ask someone outside of that group — maybe this event will be the cause of creating other and perhaps better relationships at work.
Wonderful advice, so well said 🙂
I have a belated whine but only because it happenned late last night. I found out from my sister that my nephew and his wife are expecting twins. I knew they were trying IVF but no one in my family bothered to tell me that they were successful. The father of the nephew and soon to be grandpa is my brother — I have talked to him a lot over the past few months and he never mentioned it to me. I hate it when my family hides information like this from me because I know they are talking about me behind my back and pitying me. That hurts the most. What they don’t understand is that I’m happy for my nephew – I don’t want him to end up like me.
I know, it just makes you feel more isolated and left out. So much better to be in the loop and included like everyone else.
It’s my birthday. 39. I spent the last two years repairing a very damaged marriage and experienced a great deal of joy and success. I’m in the middle of an exciting career development. Honestly, where I sit today – life is better than it’s ever been. And I’ve had several special friends go out of their way to make me feel special.
But today I’m just in a funk. Due to the financial investment on my career money is tight. I’m almost at my limit on several credit cards. Yesterday I got a speeding ticket. Being a year away from 40 means I really, really need to focus on planning a family but the career and marriage has just exhausted me to the point I don’t see the point anymore. I need a break and I won’t be getting one for a while. Today it’s just paralyzing me. Each evening I put aside my duties and tell myself I will wake refreshed and tackle it all the next day. I haven’t for weeks and the responsibilites I keep passing off and catching up.
Same here- October 20th was when I miscarried, three years ago. I try to remind myself that I love October, but that’s also when I looked at October, as an opportunity to introduce magic of autumn, joy of masks, jumping into leaves, all that. Now, having no children, it’s harder to smile.
I try to remind myself that there’s still fun, as in giving candies for kids trick-n treating, but can I say… I don’t wanna to.