By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
“According to one of the biggest studies ever conducted into Britain’s relationships, childless couples have happier marriages.”
An article in The Telegraph highlights some of the findings of research conducted by the Open University (read the article here), and while I can’t offer any scientific facts of my own, I will say that I agree with the overall assessment.
Sometimes when people ask me why I don’t have children, I’m tempted to answer “Because I love my husband.” I’m sure that would ruffle feathers and incite all sorts of unwelcomed advice, but there’s truth in this statement. I love being able to focus all of my attention on him. I love taking care of him, making his favorite meals, and joining him in athletic activities we both enjoy. I love that on weekends we run errands and attend events together instead of going in opposite directions as we shuttle kids to their activities. I love that when he’s going through tough personal or professional challenges, I can devote my energy to supporting him. We are not divided or distracted by the needs of kids, and I think our relationship is stronger because of it.
On the flip side, we also had to endure some unhappiness about not having kids to get to this point, so I’m not sure how I would have answered had my family plans worked out as I’d planned. Maybe the answer is that we have to define and create are own brands of happiness, no matter what cards we’re dealt.
What do you think?
For more discussion on this topic, read the post “It Got Me Thinking…About Being Happier” from December 2012.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.
Thank you so much for this post. It seems that only my husband has fertility problems and he told me that we should consider divorcing because he thought that I would be miserable leading a childless life even though I don’t have a strong need for children. Both lifestyles have their benefits and you have to take advantage of whichever one you end up with.
“Be careful what you wish for.” Sometimes I think about this phrase, when I’m trying to make myself feel better about not getting what I wanted. I remember ages ago when I was still a kid (probably early 80s), watching that game “Hollywood Squares” and the answer to a question being that kids caused more problems for a marriage. It makes sense, it’s an added stress, additional decisions that have to be made, perhaps conflicting philosophies or approaches to childrearing, and hence more fights between the parents. I wonder how my dh and I would have faired? I think I would have been more easy going, but my dh would have been loving, but probably stricter and I could probably see conflict. I wonder how many of these studies are referring to child free couples in their 20s and 30s, or to the child free in general, as opposed to older couples who are involuntarily childless, because for the latter the trials of infertility are also such a struggle and put immense pressure on a marriage. All that said, it is extremely valuable to focus on the positives and to be grateful overall. That, I think is the nearest path to contentment.
no idea, I’m single and childless-not-by-choice….
Elena, I’m going to be doing profiles on some of our readers in the new future, and I’d love to include your perspective. If you’re open to this, send a message through the comments page with your e-mail contact info, and I’ll get in touch. “Single and childless-not-by-choice” was my descriptor till recently too. xo