You may have the Colby wildfire on the news and you may have seen the photo of the smoke cloud visible from space. If you could see underneath that cloud, you’d see me, sitting here with itchy eyes, a stuffed nose, and layer of soot on every flat surface in my house.
I’m very grateful I’m not in any danger from the fire itself, but I’m whining about the air that I’m breathing this week.
It is Whiny Wednesday. What’s got the corners of your frown turning down this week?
Someone I have known for 30 years sent me am email, saying she no longer wanted to remain friends… She said the turning point was when she got pregnant and she realised that I wasn’t going to be the sort of friend that was going to be there for the most important time of her life…. She then went on to say that she gets the “kid ” thing, but she has friends who desperately want kids and either can’t have them or haven’t got a man to even try with and they share her happiness.. So the so called friendship has ended…
I wonder if she has for one second imagined what it was like for me, treatment after treatment and miscarriage after miscarriage.
That’s awful! But really, good riddance. You don’t need “friends” like that in your life. I know this hurts tremendously right now but truly you are better off without people like that in your life. You need people who can be understanding – clearly she can’t see beyond her own feelings of happiness. I had a friend like this and we no longer talk (also her choice) but I cant tell you from experience, I have been much happier without her in my life. Hope you have a better day.
I meant to say “can tell you from experience”, not can’t. that was a typo. Sorry!
I am really sorry. In the long run, you are probably better off but I know how much it hurts to be dumped for being childless not by choice.
Beck I’m really sorry your “friend” has behaved this way. Sounds as if she is someone who wants it all about “her.” And she certainly doesn’t “get” the kid thing. I know from experience that when friendships change or end that there is a mourning process involved, even if ultimately she wasn’t a positive influence in your life. So as Kathleen said, be gentle with yourself.
dear Beck,
I am so sorry to hear that. How cruel and selfish people are.
Nobody said that this way directly. But indirectly yes. Some “friends” just did not want to do anything with me any more.
But guess what – I learned that I prefer to be alone as lonely among people. And on the other hand, I learned to appretiate real friends more.
Hugs!
Beck, I thought I’d heard everything. I agree with the other commenters: this is no “friend.” How very sad. Be gentle with yourself and put your energy into spending time with good people. They are out there — mothers, non-mothers, all. Big hug xo
Thanks so much for your comments and support ladies, really appreciate it. Phew… Am relieved I have found my way to this blog.
Agreed. Spend time with real friends and remember to take care of yourself.
Here is my whine for the day:
This morning the woman who’s office is to the left of me said she was pregnant. I was proud that I could smile and tell her congratulations. However when the woman whose office is to the right of me told me 4 hours later she was also pregnant I had more trouble. The sadness of my infertility came over me. Still manged to smile and say congrats but it is hard.
That was a double whammy… I don’t have a difficult time with kids, but pregnancy announcements are still somewhat hard.
The distance that’s grown between me and my closest friend became apparent when I found out I’m not in her wedding party (after I told her to choose who SHE wants and don’t let anyone else make the decision it’s her wedding blah blah blah…) Sigh
Katie, I’m really sorry to hear this. I know how painful it can be when formerly intimate relationships change/become more distant. I hope you find a new closest friend who will cherish you.
Here’s my whine for the day. I deactivated my FB account about 6 months and I felt a definite shift in my happiness because of it. My nephew got married over the weekend and the easiest way for me to send my photos to everyone was through FB so I reactivated my account. What’s the first thing I see? A sonogram picture. It immediately affected me. I will leave my account open long enough so everyone can get the photos and I am going to deactivate again. It’s a bummer because I was initially happy to be able to keep in touch with everyone again.
My whine is that my husband and I after two years moved to our dream house in the woods on several acres. What I wasn’t prepared for was getting stuck behind school busses all the way to work. It rains a lot here so most parents sit in their cars with the kids waiting for the bus. When the bus arrives the kids hop out, wave and blow kisses as they get on the bus. Needless to say after a few days of it I changed my schedule a bit so I don’t get stuck behind the bus. On another note about the bus experience, I couldn’t believe that one of the parents tried to cut in behind the bus in front of me. Get in the back of the line up buddy! 20 cars back!
BOO! We visited the area last September and understand it was one of the driest years ever. My aunt and uncle said it isn’t going so well yet in 2014. UGH.
My whiny Wednesday – I AM TIRED OF THE COLD! I just want to be warm again!!
Story of 3 year old killed by his mother, after a life time of abuse.
http://www.miamiherald.com/2014/01/22/3886748/the-short-tormented-life-of-ghanson.html
Not just the injustice of who gets to be a mother, but also how artificial Facebook images can be.
My whine is I have nowhere to whine. Life is basically ok but there are many darker things lurking in the background of my mind (and the winter weather making everything gloomy doesn’t help). Work and other things in daily life seem to constantly bring me into situations which are annoying or make me feel fed up or even threatened. Right now I feel my life isn’t going anywhere, and night after night I come home to an empty home and the television. When I happen to see a friend I tend to start whining right away. I don’t want to do this because it annoys me in other people no end! I know from past experience that when I get into this kind of mood, it’s time to make a major change to my situation. Nevertheless I declined a job offer last week (more precisely, didn’t sell myself well enough at the interview) because there were too many things about that job that make me doubt. I really feel I’m in a rut with nowhere to vent and little to look forward to….
Elena, I could have written your post two years ago. The combination of lifewithoutbaby.com and osmara.com have really helped me through the darkest part of my life. LWB is very comforting and Osmara.com is very modivational. I hope that you soon find a new dream job or something that brings new excitement into your life 🙂
Dear Elena – I know that feels – when you have so many negative emotions inside and you find yourself pushing people (or jobs, or opportunities, or love) away. Try not to judge yourself for it. have compassion it’s part of the journey, it won’t last forever. LWB is a a wonderful site for connecting with others who have travelled this path. I’ve also found comfort in the writings of marianne Williamson and Pema Chodron, and in being able to whine, when needed, to my therapist! Sending you good thoughts.
thank you both for your kind understanding.
I was in therapy during three years. I started thinking about how much longer I wanted it to go on. It was good but sometimes it seemed to go nowhere. And the health insurance stopped contributing to it after a while so it became very expensive. Just about then my therapist fell seriously ill and she just stopped working. I don’t understand why therapy works that way, honest (I’m a social worker. Sure we build a personal relationship with our clients, but in case the social worker falls ill or changes their job, there will be a colleague to step in. Not so in psychotherapy. I don’t get that.). So after that I thought maybe it’s just time to look after myself (in addition to the therapist, I’d been seeing a coach and after that a career counsellor). I’ve been wondering if I should look out for a new therapist but is it worth that much money just to have someone to whine to :-)?
I think there is a time and place for therapy. It is a personal decision but maybe it is time for a slight “tune up.” I love having a safe place to “whine” without judgement and support to make changes to make myself happier.
I do hate the expense but I hated being miserable more.