Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Comments

  1. Found out that the student teacher I just last week accepted for next fall, who is in her forties, had a little “oops” and will be showing up to my classroom heavily pregnant with her sixth child. She’ll still be fine to work with, and I can and will deal, but the staff here tend to get very baby-obsessed so I’m not looking forward to it as much as I was.

  2. Our master bedroom is upstairs and a younger co worker with small children asked if i had ever thought of moving my bedroom downstairs and I ask why and she said because I won’t have anyone to look after me in 20 years. Seriously! Could she have said anything more painful?!

    • Yes, I’m a day late… but a co-worker who has limited family (no wife, no kids, not many friends) of mine just went in the hosipital for a serious medical condition and another co-worker just walked up to me and said “that’s why people should have more than ONE kid. That way you will always have someone to take care of you.” – I replied “not eveyone CAN have children” to which she replied “I had to take fertility drugs to have my kids” to which I replied “Fertility drugs don’t always work you know… it’s hard to really know everyone’s story… and I don’t really think that is the best reason for having children!”… She said “oh, I love my kids…” thanks idiot!!! Remind me of what is scary for me, then rub it in my face, then make me feel so sad as I am newly aware that I will never have a child after I have been through hell and back using all methods of fertility drugs– sometimes I just want to scream IT DOESN’T ALWAYS WORK!!!! What is wrong with people?! – Seriously?!

      Sherry – I think we should lock our co-workers in a room together!!

      My co-workers words just hurt me so much… thank you for letting me vent. I know you all understand!! Hugs to all who are hurting today!! xoxo- Kristine

      • That’s horrible. But I always consider my great-aunt and Uncle. They had three children, they all moved overseas, and they had no-one to care for them in their final years. Till my parents stepped in. Having children is never a guarantee that there will be somewhere there to care for you when you need it. Not having children is also no guarantee that you will be alone. In fact, those of us without children are often conscious of this, and so build networks to ensure that we do have people around us.

      • I also think of my aunt and uncle who never had children. They were like grandparents to me and my siblings. We lived around the corner from them and were a huge part of my life. My parents took care of them when they were older and needed help. The truth is if you are a likable person, there will always be people in your life who want to help you, family or not.

    • Seriously. That co-worker is a woman who takes for granted that not everyone shares their life plan/goal. And guess what, having more than one child does not ensure you will have someone to take care of you. An old neighbor had three children and due to various circumstances non of them live nearby. His second wife cared for her family until they all died and then when she married (at the age of 70ish) children were not really an option. She passed away recently and aside from a few neighbors and his church he’s alone.

      We don’t have children and I doubt we ever will. I cultivate relationships with all sorts of people. As long as I do my best of take care of people around me I have faith that they will be present during my times of need. I intend to do this the rest of my life – never stopping. Sure, maybe your co-worker will have her kids to “do things” for her. Doesn’t mean she will “taken care of”.

      • Thanks for your comment; it always helps to know there are people out there who know how it feels. But people forget that things happen in life. Children may not always be there, and as you all have said, there’s no guarantee.