Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday

Whiny_WednesdayI’m currently enjoying a journey into menopause. Yeah, it’s a hoot. All the symptoms of PMS, plus fuzzy head, weight gain, night sweats, the works.

I’ve been reaching out to older friends for advice because there’s a lot about this I don’t know. Most of my friends have gladly offered support, however one woman (a friend of a friend) looked at me and said, “Menopause? You’re too young for that.”

I assured her I was not, and left the conversation, but really, is that a helpful thing to say? Yes, I know I’m too young for menopause. Add it to the list of things my body’s given up before its time. And then ask me how I feel about the possibility the rest of me might be aging faster than it should too. Does this ever end?

As you may have guessed, it’s Whiny Wednesday. I feel better for my venting. Hope you feel better for yours.

Comments

  1. I was peri-menopause in my 30s. Now that I’m 48, it seems to be all done. As much as it hurt to not be able to have children while everyone I knew in their 30s, late 30s, and even 40s were getting pregnant whenever they decided to, it is now kinda nice to be wholly rid of a menstrual cycle. I am no longer on the emotional roller coaster caused by my hormones, I no longer have to deal with a period, I’m no longer reminded of the possibility of getting pregnant every month by a period, no more night sweats, and my sex drive has come back with a vengeance. Basically, I feel the best I ever have in my entire life physically and emotionally. So you have lots to look forward to.

    P.S. When I was going through those night sweats, I remember asking older women how they dealt with it, and everyone I spoke to told me they never had a single night sweat. After a while, I told them they were all liars because it was not possible, and they laughed and said I figured them out. So if people aren’t willing to commiserate on the discomforts of menopause, I think they may be lying out of shame. Maybe we can start a new online support group to remove the shame of menopause?

    • I am 53 & STILL getting regular periods. :p I asked my ob/gyn if this was normal, and he said he is seeing more & more women well into their 50s who are still not done yet. Go figure. :p While the periods themselves are generally not too bad lately (haven’t had any debilitating cramps in quite awhile now — knock wood), I have noticed my PMS/mittelschmerz symptoms have been getting worse over the last few years — bloating, cramping, heartburn, breast tenderness and moodiness. I won’t miss it when it’s gone. :p

      • When I first started menopause, I noticed how much worse i would feel after eating certain things. I completely changed my diet to remove processed food, sugars, and alcohol. Doing that reduced the night sweats, bloating and mood swings. If you try it, let me know if it works for you.

  2. Baseball Season is here!!! Keep reading, I’m getting to the whine… My husband is a New Yorker and a huge Mets fan. Over the years I have grown to enjoy baseball and I love going to the games. Throughout our infertility experience the one thing that could always lift our spirits was going to the Mets game. After years of IVF, we have finally called it quits and are moving forward with a life without a child. We decided to spend the money and go to the opening day game – something we have never done before. With high hopes we get to the stadium Monday afternoon- the place we love, the place where we always have fun- we have been looking forward to this day since September. As they begin to announce the players who are running out to the field – there is an announcement that the 2nd baseman’s wife just went into labor so he will not be attending the game. The whole crowd cheers! Stands up! Claps, and yells! I see men high-fiving each other!! Everyone is celebrating!! …. I have never felt so alone. I was devastated. I run to the bathroom in hysterical tears knowing that I will never know the joy that the entire stadium knows. I am so thankful that my husband follows me and is there to greet me once I come out of the bathroom (yes, I know I am lucky) – I thought I was making process, I thought I was moving forward, I thought I could handle a life without children. But at the game it just left like I went back to square one when I was the only one in the stadium who had tears of despair streaming down her face. (Yes, I’m in therapy!) – but I know everyone reading this here today will understand. I needed to share because when an entire stadium erupts with joy – a joy I will never know… well… it was a difficult day for me, I just needed to vent!!

    • I would of been in tears with you if I had been there, that really sux, your poor thing :(…. Baby mania at its peak.

    • I would have been in the bathroom with you. Totally feel your pain, and as you’ve already seen, there are many women here who are with you on this journey. Be gentle with yourself. xoxo

    • It’s so unfair how these things can just kick you in the gut out of the blue like this. I’m so sorry.

      • Thank you so much ladies!!! the support means more than I can ever put into words – I know I’m not alone and I thank you for reminding me of that very important fact!! xoxo – Kristine

    • I live in NY and I’m so tired of hearing about that player and his baby. It’s on our news contantly because he took 2 days off and they’re making a big deal of it. If I was at the game I’d also be escaping to the bathroom. Don’t think I’m saying anything about you mentioning it, I just wanted you to know I could relate since it’s all over our local tv news and papers

  3. I am away with work and yesterday when I checked into my hotel they told me I had been upgraded. I thought, brilliant and made my way happily to my lovely apartment…as I arrived I heard and saw a young family next door…as i entered my room and began all my book work the screaming, banging and fighting got so loud and unbearable I found myself back at reception asking for a down grade back to my usual room!
    Sure it’s not as big or flash but it has peace!
    I felt a little smug laying on my bed in silence, at least I could escape the noise but those parents are stuck with it. Was a good reminder that parenthood is not all roses.

  4. I had surgery this week to remove cysts from my PCOS. During the surgery my doctor found a significant amount of endometriosis, leaving me likely to have an ectopic pregnancy if I ever got pregnant. So now I’m devastated to not be pregnant, and scared to become pregnant. My doctor said I might have good luck with IVF, but since I can’t afford that, I feel like I’m getting to the end of my options.

    • Rachel, I had two ectopic pregnancies, and volunteered on an ectopic pregnancy charity website for about six years. Feel free to email/message me (in the forums) if you have any questions.

  5. Lisa, I have a post brewing about the big M, and I think you’re going to prompt me to write it. I’ve found it is another taboo subject – yet as soon as I’ve raised it with women my age or older, all the stories have spilled out. And I wish I’d heard them earlier. So … a project to do.

    And my whine is because of the afore-mentioned issues I’ve been enduring, I’ve effectively been house-bound for a month. And it is driving me nuts!

  6. New to this website but I have really enjoyed reading the articles here. They are inspiring. Especially the stories and how you have all handled this situation with so much grace.

    I’ve just come off my third IVF attempt and have only two chances (attempts) left to me and I’m feeling just a touch bitter and angry today, especially when I see women older than me being successful with IVF. I’m struggling to keep the hope alive…

  7. dear Lisa,
    wishing you all the best!
    (my mother entered menopause at 42…. so I guess I will be there very soon as well).
    love,