Here’s a Whiny Wednesday from October 2013. You can see the original post here.
A college friend just posted a photo of her son and his date all dressed up for the homecoming dance.
It got my attention because the “kids” weren’t much younger than my friend and her now-husband when I first met them, and, as the boy looks like his father, the photo reminded me of them and how flipping long it’s been since I was in school.
It also caused a pang of sadness for another experience I won’t get to have. I won’t get to send my teen off on his first date or take a photo of him and realize he’s a carbon copy of his dad.
It’s Whiny Wednesday, and today I’m feeling whiny about how unfair life can be.
My friend’s children are older so I see all their wedding pictures online, and it’s painful knowing that I will never have that experience with my child. Many of my friends and family had children in their mid to late thirties and we started trying before they did, so I will always struggle with, ‘ why not me?’ I hope I will be able to come to terms with it someday.
I still struggle with the question why not me? why that teenager, that drug addict, why not me. It is hard.
Yep, when 4 friends, some younger some older than me, each tell me they are pregnant and I have had a huge rush of jealousy. Why not me? I’m happy for them all, but each time the announcement hits me like a kick in the heart! All their plans for the future… I had those feelings and nothing came of them for me.
I keep thinking I’m doing really well and then I’m totally floored.
I want to make my plans for the future, I’m changing my course. It’s taking time – I’m getting there slowly. When I think how I was feeling this time last year, I know I’m making progress. But there are days, moments and conversations when I have to fake it to be able to keep it together!