A college friend just posted a photo of her son at his high school graduation.
It got my attention because the “kids” weren’t much younger than my friend and her now-husband were when I first met them, and, as the boy looks like his father, the photo reminded me of them and how flipping long it’s been since I was in school.
It also caused a pang of sadness for another experience I won’t get to have. I won’t get to send my teen off to college or take a photo of him and realize he’s a carbon copy of his dad.
It’s Whiny Wednesday, and today I’m feeling whiny about how unfair life can be.
I totally understand. The sadness strikes at random times. I have been slowly working at clearing out my craft room, purging things so that I can get organized and actually use the space for the purpose that it was intended. I have come upon items that I was saving for my kids. Now I have to decide if I still want to keep them, and if not, what is the best way to pass them on. Some things are straightforward donations, others have more meaning, and I need to find someone who will honor how much they mean to me.
I keep putting off clearing out my garage for this very reason. I took all my old toys out of mum and dad’s loft because I wanted to pass then on – but now I don’t have that option. What do I do with it all? I haven’t got the heart to bin it all or pass it to a stranger…
A lot of my friends are going thru the prom,graduation,I went to an Eagle Scout ceremony. At times I take a break from social media cuz the pics with moms and kids and how proud they are of Johnny, really strikes a cord. It does remind me off all that has happened and that I will not have those opportunities. And all the pain of infertility, all it takes is a second and I’m back there sort off. But not as much as before. I would be crying uncontrollably for a long period of time. But one thing my husband said to me that was helpful, was that we me and my husband can’t compare our lives to our friend with kids. Our life is different and so is there, that is not an accurate comparison.hugs to my. Fellow friends on this brave journey of accepting life as it is. Xo Supersassy
My whine is I hate sometimes how the simpliest posts really can change my mood. A facebook friend posted today wishing her twin children a happy 5th bday with pictures and a post about them and it just reminded me that if my twins made it they would be 5 already and we’d be doing fun end of school year events. Kinda made me blah all day.
Another whine-I’ve received a few heartfelt thank yous recently. Along the lines of “Thank you for all your support” or “I don’t know how I could handle raising my kids without you” and “Thanks for being part of my kids lives”. As lovely as both the messages and the appreciation behind them are all my brain processes is “I get to live a life and you only get to help me live mine instead of getting one of your own”. So my whine is not enjoying this un-grateful feeling that others’ gratitude brings on and not even being able to enjoy a simple thank you.
A friend of mine who was going through fertility treatments the same time we were, ended up having Two sons AFTER they stopped treatments. We continued on, but of course with no success. Years ago when I found out she was pregnant, it bother me but not like it does now. Her oldest son just graduated from college, and of course she posted pics on Facebook. It threw me into a downward spiral because I would have had a son,or daughter about the same age, so I would have been posting pics too. It was so overwhelming for me, I blocked all of her posts. Even though this was in May, I am still struggling to pick myself up.
My cousin posted pictures of her daughter’s graduation from high school. They moved away from our home town when the daughter was a baby. She is a beautiful young woman, who in a weird way looks exactly like her mom and dad. I don’t have a child graduating from high school. Life can seem so unfair.
Ironically, my cousin has been lamenting the fact that she never had another child and how she will end up alone (she divorced) for the last 15 years. It’s not true but her perception makes it true. My husband says to me, whenever I ponder about life being unfair, to start thinking how I can make it fair. Fair would be that no one is in competition with each other to have more joy than another person. We all deserve to have joyous moments. Even if you are childless you deserve it, and when those moments come, share them with the world.
I get it totally. However I had an abortion in high school, and now can’t have kids. I also go to that dark place of what he/she would be like today if I hadn’t made that choice.
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook… So great to keep up to date with people.. But can leave me spiralling into a dark hole when I see a pregnancy/birth announcement and all the milestones after. Sometimes so tempted to deactivate my account.
I so understand. I’m always so happy that I can hide the post… That always makes me feel a bit better… Like I’m hitting the Delete button.
I’m 34, married for 3 years and I have yet to be blessed with pregnancy. It’s almost been 2 years since using any contraceptives. I thought I was the only person who felt this way. It seems like every other person I walk pass is expecting…is it really that easy for others? I almost can’t look at FB because it only makes me more upset; however my faith is still strong just constantly being tested.
yes – social media does mean these moments hit more frequently – I don’t think there is any escape from these thoughts – I’ve felt anger mostly over the years with these posts and everyone’s great news rammed down your throat. Nowadays it just sparks deep sadness. I have periods – sometimes, quite long when I don’t log into facebook. I have now found that you can “un follow” any posts – it dosn’t unfriend, but posts with baby/todler from certain friends i have now turned off. Thank you for this weeks topic – I thought I was getting worse when I felt so sad looking at a friends post of her two boys in their school uniforms. I now reaslise its part of the depth of the loss that we suffer – i think its why its so difficult to grieve and recover – the depth of loss is so profound and spans so wide, i think it will stay with me to a certain degree till the end of my time. For some perspective however, a friend (with two very bright, smart and good teanagers) encouraged me to put posts of what I am up to on facebook, she wanted to hear about my skiing, life etc. Funny thing – her health took a turn for the worse and I don’t know for sure why she did it (she was always posting on facebook) – but she closed her account – she said she was fed up with it! So – I think Supersassy’s husband is right – we should not compare – its a moment – it captures a perceived wonderful moment and lifetime markers that we cannot have – things are not always as wonderful as they seem. I must text my friend and ask after her health…..
For as many pictures I must see of everyone’s children…. Everyone must see pictures of my 10 month old puppy… It helps…. 🙂
was sad the other day because I realized I’d never get to walk beside a low stone wall and hold my child’s hand while they walked along the top of the wall… so I made my dh hold MY hand while *I* walked on the wall. I must be my own child…