By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
Meltdowns are no fun, and they’re especially painful when they happen in public.
Recently I attended a friend’s daughter’s first dance recital. It was beautiful, it was funny, it was entertaining. Nothing cracks me up quite like a row of four-year-olds in pink tutus doing their best to tap on a beat.
Except this time I wasn’t laughing. Every tiny dancer made me long for the one I could have had, should have had. I sat in the semi-darkened theater, surrounded by parents, grandparents, siblings, and every form of video camera and cried. Big tears rolled down my cheeks, my nose ran like a fire hose, and when the lights came up, I doubt anyone thought my swollen face was due to seasonal allergies.
I took my first dance class when I was five and tapped, kicked, twirled, and leapt my way through childhood. I loved the magic, the music, the costumes, and even the discipline. I looked forward to one day watching my own daughter glide across a stage, and as I watched my young friend steal the show, I thought about how sad I was to to miss sharing these experiences with a mini-me.
’Tis the season of holiday performances: children’s choirs, reenactments of the nativity (I love Lisa’s description of the drive-through nativity she discovered a few years ago), pageants, caroling, The Nutcracker. I loved them all when I had parts in them, and I still love them. It’s just a little bit harder these days to keep my emotions to myself when I’m in the midst of the family fun.
So, if you notice a gal sniffling in row 12 during the curtain call, kindly pass her a tissue.
The holiday festivities can bring up all sorts of painful emotions when you’re childfree-not-by-choice. If you could use some inspiration and encouragement to get you through the tough times, check out the Life Without Baby Holiday Companion available here and on Amazon.
I so get it!! Am just not into the holidays this year. I lost my job, my husband has serious health issues and it is another holiday watching the rest of the world enjoy the Christmas season with thier children. I love the concept of how NORAD tracks Santa, but every time the news comes on it is just a reminder that I have no one that would get excited about it. Before reading this post, I had been laying in bed and thinking about all the families out there opening thier presents and having a wonderful time…. And now am just wishing the day would just be over. I didn’t even go to church last night. Just wasn’t up for being around all the happy families. For the life of me, I just don’t understand why people who are horrible parents get to have children. My friends daughter was living with a guy who was very controlling and abusive, she wanted to leave him, but didn’t and then gets pregnant!!!! Well, now she decided to leave with her baby. The father continues to be abusive so now she has a TRO against him and it’s turned into a huge gross mess. Why do they get to be parents????? I just don’t get it, it all seems so unfair…. I know, I know….. Life isn’t fair. But just once, why can’t we have our own little Christmas miracle???
Things always seem worse just because its Christmas when you are having problems.
Agreed
I’ll be there sniffling right alongside you, Kathleen. Luckily I am usually pretty well-stocked for Kleenex. 😉