By Lisa Manterfield
Mum and I on the water
Next Sunday is Mother’s Day in the UK, which, let’s face it, is about the worst day of the year to be childless. I think the UK is still catching up with the States as far as turning this quiet, “honoring of one’s mother” into an all-out Hallmark bonanza, but given the recent surge in popularity of Halloween and Black Friday sales, Mother’s Day is unlikely to escape.
As I live on the opposite side of the world from my own mother, I can usually escape the Mother’s day madness that happens here in the US. I’ve sent a card and gift and I’ll make a phone call, and my mum will be appreciative of the gesture. She doesn’t want or need any more fuss than that. But come May, I know that many of you here in the US will be facing far bigger expectations, so let’s take a breath before the madness begins and start with a little history and perspective.
The modern idea of Mother’s Day here in the U.S was started in 1905 when Anna Jarvis, a woman who wanted to honor her own mother and her contributions to Anna’s life, fought to make it an official celebration. Mother’s Day as we know it was made official in 1914, when President Woodrow Wilson designated it as a national holiday celebrating mothers. It was quickly adopted and subsequently commercialized.
Anna (who was not a mother herself, by the way) never intended the day to be a celebration of motherhood, but a way for people to honor their own mothers in their own way. She was so enraged by the twisting of the quiet commemoration she’d envisioned that she actively protested the holiday that she’d fought so hard to create. I think poor old Anna would turn in her grave if she saw what Mother’s Day has become.
Keeping some perspective on the original intention can help you get through this difficult day, especially if your own mother is still in your life. You’ll need to find a way to celebrate her that’s appropriate for your relationship and your own need for protection. Perhaps you can send her a card or flowers. If you like to take her to lunch, suggest doing it the week before or after Mother’s Day, when it won’t be so crowded and you can enjoy your time together. Use this as an opportunity, if you can, to create a more meaningful tradition with your mother. This isn’t about poo-pooing Mother’s Day and all mothers, including your own, but it is about protecting yourself and honoring your mother in a meaningful, rather than a wholly commercial and meaningless, way.
Mother’s Day is still a couple of months away here, but taking a few minutes now to think about the challenges you might face and come up with a plan will help you get through the day. So what’s your plan? How will you spend the day? How will you honor your own mother? And how will you deal with the challenges you can’t avoid?
Thank you for the background on this “holiday”. It makes me feel better!
My mother passed away this past September. As sad as that makes me, I will however look forward to this coming Mothers Day when I am able to completely ignore the day 100%.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
Sorry for your loss. This is certainly a difficult holiday in more ways than one for many.
Thank you for your kindness, it is truly appreciated!!!
Lisa, this is how I had always seen Mother’s day. In the past few years, it was at times mixed with other feelings, but we always celebrated it this way. In our family’s case, with two aunts who did not have their own biological children, we always honored them as well. So mother’s day was an extended family occasion, a lunch or dinner, with grandmothers, mothers, aunts… all of whom received gifts.
This is good advice. I really love the idea of “honoring your mother in a meaningful, rather than a wholly commercial and meaningless, way.”
We usually suggest to my mother-in-law (who lives in the same town) that we either do something at her place or go out the day before because it’s so busy on Mother’s Day – a convenient excuse!
Yes I had a moment recently as I remembered a couple of years ago I had my fertilised embryo implanted on Mother’s Day. At the time I saw this as a sign, or a cruel irony, and after my procedure winged it a church and received the daffodils often presented to mothers on this day, in hope. Needless to say, that dream has never been fulfilled and whilst I have always sent a card to my Mum we have never made a huge deal of the occasion. We are going out for a days walking the week after, as she was keen to go with her walking group on the actual day, and I felt it was a day she should do as she pleased. We will visit my MIL the day before and then on then on Mother’s Day I will not be visiting a church, as it is too excluding. Mostly I cope, but it always brings a sadness.