By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
“Come trick-or-treating with us!”
I cried after I got off the phone with my friend Irene*. She had extended an invitation for me to join her and her two small children for some revelry on All Hallow’s Eve, and the ask brought on my waterworks. But not for the reasons you think. It wasn’t because I was once again feeling sorry for myself, heartbroken that I’ll never get to:
- make my toddlers’ costumes from scratch (like my mom used to)
- encourage my teenagers’ creativity when they create their own clever costumes (like I used to do)
- delight my kids by dressing up as something funny (like my dad used to)
- announce that House Rules mandate I get 10% of the haul (Dad again)
- pass along decorations and traditions from my favorite holiday
No. I was crying out of sheer gratitude.
You see, a while back Irene and I had a frank talk about some of the things I’ll miss most because I won’t get to be a mom. Ballet recitals, baseball games, the Tooth Fairy, Santa. And…are you sitting down?…she listened. Not only did she listen, but she heard, and a few months later she did something about it by inviting me to be part of her family, so that I get to experience some of the joys I otherwise would have been denied.
I have been waiting a looooong time to find a friend like this.
I had to decline Irene’s invitation, but I’ve already booked out next Halloween to spend with her and her kids. Oh, and the reason I declined was because I’d already accepted an invitation from another friend to come over to her house and help hand out treats to the neighborhood kids. Look at that: Someone else heard me.
For the first time in ages, I am feeling hopeful again.
*Not her real name. I don’t want to embarrass her, and she knows who she is.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.
Friends like this are true treasures. I have a couple like this and I am very thankful. Sometimes I’m not in a place to accept the invitation, but I always appreciate being thought of and included.
Well that is great, it makes me happy to hear there is somebody out there who understands, I have a Niece & nephew and I do attend a lot of their swimming lessons, soccer, and other activities.
That is a great story! We have friends that have small kids, and are included with some of there events, which is nice. I have nieces and nephews that I have been involved with a little more closely. But this year, we had Hallowwen decorations and handed out Candy , well my husband did.but this is great progress from turning off the lights and acting like we weren’t home. And a friend of mine asked me about Hallowwen and she said I know you don’t like it. But I put on my big girl pants and told her the truth. I said when I was in the throws of infertility it was heartbreaking to look at the moms with there kids and costumes. I said it, not make some other excuse went on the record for why it was so hard, and Ididnt go on and on about it, but explained the main reason..and I felt good that I did not have to carry by pain by myself. I am not sure she got it, and it was a bit uncomfortable for her, but I didn’t care. Some times telling the truth is painful perhaps for others more Than us. But if they are a good friend, they will listen. They ,at not know what to do, but listening is a start!many hugs out to all of you!i am grateful to talk about this topic with people who truly get it!
That is so sweet of your friend!! I so wish we had been able to go trick-or-treating with our nephews when they were little. At that time, we still thought we would have a family of our own, so it’s only in retrospect that I’ve thought about this… plus they lived an hour’s drive away, which would have made it difficult to get there after work in time for trick-or-treating on a weeknight. Maybe in a few years’ time, if/when we have any great-nieces or nephews. 😉