By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
The holiday cards are arriving in the mail, and it got me thinking about the worst holiday greeting I ever received.
I was recently single again and in the throes of an if-I’m-going-to-be-a-mother-I-need-to-have-a-child-on-my-own-NOW panic attack. Friends’ cheery letters celebrated new homes, new babies, and full lives, and while I so wanted to be happy for them, each new photo was a painful reminder of all that I lacked and so desperately wanted.
In the pile of unopened mail one afternoon was a delivery from a long-time friend. In an effort to save time, she had mass produced address labels and affixed them to the envelopes. Smart. Mine was addressed to “The Guthrie Family,” although my friend had crossed out “The” and “Family” and written “Kathy” above. Not so smart. The insensitivity took my breath away.
I’ve talked to friends who have lost spouses to death or divorce, and they share a similar hurt when cards are inappropriately addressed. I want to shout “THINK, PEOPLE!” I know we’re all busy, I know this season is crazy, I know we are each shouldering our burdens, but please, take an extra minute, waste that extra stamp, and practice sending goodwill to all.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. When she can plan ahead, she prefers to send Thanksgiving cards.
Just in time for the not-always-happy holidays, Life Without Baby Holiday Companion by Lisa Manterfield and Kathleen Guthrie Woods is available. The $2.99 ebook offers more than 50 pages of classic blog posts with inspiration and encouragement for getting through the season when you’re childfree. Order your copy from Amazon or in PDF format at Gumroad.
I know you’ve written about that before, but once again, the mind-boggling and crass insensitivity takes my breath away.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed this Christmas.
I skated through Christmas last year because I was still in serious shock. In addition to dealing with the holidays and not having children, I lost my husband of almost 14 years to pancreatic cancer on July 31, 2015. So the new future my husband and I were working on building together has now become the new future I am working on building alone. Back in (2010/2011 ?? sorry I don’t even remember the year now) emergency surgery ended all possibly for me to have children so even if I should remarry, I will still have the childless issue with a new spouse.
Not feeling very jolly or joyous this year.
What’s astonishing to me is it keeps happening. Not to me, this year, but to a friend who just went through a horrible divorce. Someone who knows about it (and should know better) addressed the holiday greetings to the family my friend has now lost. Heartbreaking!