Whiny Wednesday has become such a favorite on the blog and I know that many of you look forward to the chance to have a good rant about what’s on your mind.
For those of you who are new to Life Without Baby or maybe not sure what this Whiny Wednesday thing is all about, I thought an brief explanation might be in order.
Whiny Wednesday came about because many of us felt we were going through our respective journeys alone and that our friends and family often didn’t understand how much we were hurting. Many readers said felt they felt they had to put on a brave face around other people and that the things they wanted to talk about sometimes felt like “whining.”
So, Whiny Wednesday was created as the place where, once a week, you can come and vent about whatever’s on your mind, especially the things you feel you can’t say in-person around others. Most weeks I post a topic for discussion, but the comments are always open for griping about whatever happens to be on your mind.
So, now you know what it’s all about, feel free the have a really good whine this week.
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P.S. Just a reminder: To celebrate the 7th anniversary of Life Without Baby, I’m Taking My Eggs and Going Home and Life Without Baby: Surviving and Thriving When Motherhood Doesn’t Happen ebooks are half price on Amazon this week.
I will be short and to the point. It seems I always have to justify or explain why I am feeling so sad.
I feel like I always stand last in line when friends have babies. First I was a friend, now I just have to understand that their is no place for me at the moment because of “other commitments”. At then it stays like this forever until they remember about a friend they once had….
Oh, boy, do I get this one. Have a friend who frequently breaks plans, then says things like “I miss you, when are we getting together?” But I’m tired of always being the one who makes the effort, who issues the invitation, suggests dates, makes reservations, turns down other invitations, then am left alone at the last moment. It isn’t always a sick kid excuse, because that I get. I think the harder part is that she doesn’t then say, “Let’s reschedule for next Tuesday.” And then I see a post on FB that she’s gotten together with other mommy friends and their kids? Really.
Whew, apparently I needed to whine about that today. Thanks for the opening. 🙂
I can relate to this one with both friends and family. I feel like I’m last, even making plans far in advance. If I don’t drop everything to attend an event or party they’re having I’m made to feel terrible, but I could tell them 5 months in advance and they can’t come.
I HATE when my sadness sneaks up on me. I’ll be going along all fine and dandy thinking I’ve finally accepted my lot in life and BAM! something sets me off. The recovery time gets shorter and shorter but I fear it will never truly leave me.
This is me today. Woke up from a sad prego dream. I’ve had maybe 2-3 prego dreams ever. This one it was a baby girl….stillborn.
Even in my dreams I can’t have a kid.
I’ve never been pregnant. This was just a slap in the face for me.
I can really relate to this. I have prego dreams all the time (I’ve never been pregnant either); in the most recent I’d just had a baby and was holding him and someone came and took him away. My husband didn’t understand the taking away part, but there is part of me feels that my children have been stolen from me. Really just wish they’d stop.
Thanks for letting us share .. I am tired of explaining why I don’t have a baby when it is beyond my control at this point .. I just want to tell them “don’t wanna talk about it” cause they won’t understand
I feel like I owe my customers an explanation of why I am so depressed as there is a very noticeable change in my mood. Some say what’s up with you? Or how are you? Sometimes I say yeah I’m fine but it’s so obvious it’s a lie, I feel I’m lying to myself. I feel like saying I can’t lie, I’m feeling really shit, I’m going through something really hard that doesn’t have a happy ending and I’m grieving what I’ve lost but I don’t want to discuss it. That’ll stop the fuckers saying oh well at least u can adopt.
I’m glad that by now I have almost mastered answering the question why I don’t have kids by immediately changing the subject so they won’t pry more. Sometimes this catch me by surprise because I don’t know why people just come up by asking if you have children like if you are talking about something even not that related. Anyway, being childless makes me have less friends, but at least I know the few ones I have are for real.
My little sister just had a baby and today I could barely get out of my bed. I hosted her shower without incident and commented on all of her pregnancy photos, but now the daily/hourly updates of her little one is just killing me. I wonder if I can ask her to stop. When will this stop being so raw? My SO is right here with me and will hold me until I stop crying, but at what point will we feel the magical future of childlessness really come into fruition? Right now, we are so caught up in our grief we can’t enjoy dinners out or travel or sleeping in. We’d give it all up for a baby.
I hate TV shows and films about friendship. Its not realistic. In the fiction world friends go on trips together, raise their children together have celbrations together, spend life together.
In non-fiction world everyone is still devoted to one another but everyone focuses on their families. Frienships are low on list.
This reality is not an insult to my friends. It is just a truth and realization that took me a very long time to understand.
I have very little family so I decided that my family was going to be my friends and thier children. When then marriages and children were very young it wasnt perfect but it worked. As the children gained siblings and the sport teams and lessons began there is very little time for friends I have learned.
Family only birthdays first then the kids friends only paties. No holiday parties because thats when we spend time with family.
Now in our fourties i see a friend or three two or three times for a few hours a year.
This Chirstmas was the first time in my life that there was not trip to see a relative or family friend. Not from a lack of effort.
I have finally accepted the truth that my family has only two other people. This acceptance hardened a part of me.
The other truth is that if i had children this would be very different I am sure.
I think one part of the reason this has been so difficult for me to accept is that my inability to get pregnant is directly affecting my husband’s desire and dream to be a father. In the past, my failures may have affected other people I love in a negative way but it wasn’t a permanent thing. Maybe people would be disappointed, inconvenienced or even heartbroken on a few occasions. These are definitely things I regret. But in the long run I was the only one that had to deal with any serious long term losses or consequences.
Now, my failure to get pregnant is affecting the person I love. Forever. I look at him and I feel so… I don’t even know how to describe it. Bad, guilty, sad, ineffective… none of these do it justice. I know he loves me and he doesn’t blame me. But I blame me.