Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Comments

  2. AH yes! those who got married after me and already have a child or 2-3 šŸ™ makes me feel so left behind and awkward .. when i run into them i can’t help but to feel insecure that they’ll question me and I won’t know what to say .. and the sting of those questions/comments last for months

    • I can relate to the “left behind” sentiment. I live in a state where I don’t have a lot of friends (we moved here five years ago), so I can’t say I run into old friends. Thank goodness.

  3. I forgot to mention, some of them who meet us .. they love to rub it in our face that we don’t have kids and tell us “how blessed they are, how life is so full etc”

    • Very insensitive. But at the same time, they are compensating for something. Happy people don’t go out our their way to rub in how happy they are.

  4. About twenty years or so, I’m guessing I was about 25 or so, I met an old classmate on a parking lot and her first question was if I had children.
    When I answered no, she said “they’ll come, in due time”, in a “comforting” sort of way.

    Already then, I was starting to understand that a relationship was not to be taken for granted, and had started to worry about ever getting a family.

    True enough, it never happened. When I met my partner, I was 39, he was five years older, had two teenagers and didn’t want more kids.

    Well, I suppose he is my “family”, or that we are “family”…

  5. Yeah it feels like crap and you suddenly feel completely insecure. I met an old friend a a funeral for another old friend of ours. it was the most awkward meeting I have ever encountered. Luckily my sister was there who has 5 kids and she and MY old friend started chatting up a storm. I somehow found my way out of the conversation and never looked back. I just couldn’t stick around long enough for her to start asking about me and what have i been up to etc.

  7. Just last week I ran into an old college friend and I was lucky that she was one of the kindest girls in school back then. We had a small talk because she was running an errand and in a hurry and I was with my husband. We chatted a few minutes and she never mentioned about children at all (we are friends in facebook so she knew I do not have kids and both of us are not really active in social media) I was just glad to see her and she was still the kind girl I knew.

    But my whine today is not about old friends, sorry off the topic. It’s this pregnant co worker, with her 4th child, and she was about to know the gender in about a week. She’s just telling everyone in the office how she felt when she found out her third child was a girl (she have three girls already) and she said she was just praying and hoping for a baby boy. She just tells everyone about how would she feel if its another girl. I just sit quiet here and not react at all. How can some women be so insensitive when she knows there are two women here who can’t get pregnant even for the first time. So they say mothers have the best instinct, can’t she sense how would I feel about not getting pregnant at all? I don’t want to judge her, but I think this one’s really selfish, all she thinks about is herself right now.

    Meanwhile, it’s morning here in the Philippines I’m eating my breakfast here in my desk and typing my whine at the same time. I’m just going to shake this feeling off.

    Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a great day despite our whines! šŸ™‚

    • What is wrong with people? JEEZ. I’m sorry you have to listen to her “complaints.” Some people just don’t get it or don’t care about other people’s feelings. I’m guessing most of the time it’s the latter.

  9. My husband and I are already getting information about a planned 50th high school reunion (we graduated from the same high school class) which is 2 years away. I’m already dreading the possibility of going for this Whiny Wednesday topic reason (my husband is inclined to attend). I’m not planning to let this affect my enjoyment of life for the next two years but I do dread the inevitable question about children along with the expected bragging by those who have children and grandchildren. It is so weird sometimes that even though my husband and I enjoy a great life together,have been happily married for 45 years, have had the opportunity to travel extensively by motorcycle and other means
    and are honest hardworking contributors to society, I still feel somewhat embarrassed that we are childless not by choice. Even though I do feel satisfied with my life overall most of the time and I know that I’ll figure out how to handle this graciously if we do attend the reunion it still speaks to how infertility (and I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this) can bring back such feelings of insecurity. I really should be too old to care about what others think, right?

    • Hi Phyllis – I feel very much the same. I’ve ducked all reunions over the years and so has my husband. We say “if we wanted to stay friends we would”, I just know its because we are both afraid of the questions about children and after 20 years it still hurts – perhaps more so as we don’t have the possibility ahead now. However, we regularly remind ourselves we have a great life and parenting is not all its cracked up to be – very soon the children will leave home or become more involved in their own lives and they will not want their parents around – I keep this later thought in my mind and continue to avoid past acquaintances (who showed no understanding) and any and all colleagues/friends who are completely wrapped up in their children (this is almost everyone!!). I care a lot less now than I used to – but it stings. I bumped into a “friend” just recently – she crossed the road with her grown up daughter, I haven’t seen her for 20 yrs – i didn’t notice the daughter, thankfully (hubby did), (we didn’t even speak or acknowledge each other) it still haunted me for a week……..where is my daughter/son.

  10. My whine is off topic…

    This morning I found out that my husband’s nephew and his wife had their second son. That didn’t bother me but it was the comments on the pictures that did, especially “what a true blessing from God.” I know that blessing word has been discussed around on the blog several times but today it just really got to me, and I am not religious at all. I think my emotions are still raw from Easter because no one in my family called, sent a text, or a message on Facebook. If I had children then I’m sure they would reach out and it hurts to know how different things would be.
    So this morning I just cried quietly so my husband wouldn’t hear me. I was getting ready to go to the gym when the emotions hit and I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to be crying while on the treadmill. I felt guilty for not going but so sad at the same time. After that I had to get ready for work and put my emotions back in their box, only to have one of my coworkers go on and on about her daughter’s pregnancy. Thank goodness I have the next two days off!

    • I feel for you .. i am crying quietly to myself with husband in the other room as i read this .. because that phrase “they are so blessed/blessed with the best” has hit me many times in the heart and it hurts bad when people mention it .. we are most deserving yet it didn’t happen for us .. i wish we can move to an island and just isolate myself!

      • I get those feelings of being undeserving as well. I have to keep telling myself that I am a good person and channel that energy into my teaching job and hope I make a positive influence on someone!

  11. Need to comment again,a bit off topic this time.

    Since Wednesday I am babysitting. My nieces are 9 and 14 and my brother and his wife are abroad on a work trip.

    I have never been babysitting these girls before. Partly because my brother and his wife don’t leave the kids much, they seem to have decided that if they have chosen to become parents, they will spend their time together.

    Also, the grandmother have been very present, so when they have needed a babysitter she has been there.

    And… when the girls were younger, it was too painful for me to be around. I kept my distance, despite missing them all and being worried about them thinking I was not interested or that I didn’t care about them.

    It is wonderful now, to be with them, to talk to the oldest, sit quietly and watch tv… And to listen to the younger girls’ talk, follow her to school, or put her to bed and read to her and quietly get out of the room when she has fallen asleep.

    And it breaks my heart too.

    I regret not being able to spend more time with them before.

    Also life is going to feel empty when I leave them with their grandmother come Saturday lunchtime and go home to our house, where it’s just me and my partner who didn’t want more kids when we met and who is hoping to become a grandfather one day.

  12. A few months ago I ran into an old colleague who is 27 and 5 months pregnant with her 2nd baby (her first just turned 1). After I congratulated her, she asked me whether I had any news for her in that department. I don’t look pregnant so I was stunned she would ask me something so ignorant. I politely told her no, but it was incredible awkward and it made me really upset. If this happened today I think I would handle it differently and politely let her know that no.. I can’t and she probably shouldn’t ask people that. Infertility awareness is so important and we can all do our small part to raise awareness of this common problem.