Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Comments

  1. Sending much love to all women and men that longed to be parents but are not. I know your heartbreak and your struggle and it’s horrible and life altering. This pain and suffering and profound loss will always be with us. May we find a way to live and not let it define us. I have yet to figure out how.

    • Well said , Thank you for your kind words. Needed that .. Exactly how I feel .. lots of love back to you

  2. ElleVee; thank you for your love and your words. My love and prayers go to you and all my sisters and brothers who longed to be parents.

    Whiny Wed: This week started… having already had my fare share of “unsolicited advise”, “counseling”, “lecturing”, “judging” ! At this point I am speechless and stress out. What part of “I only need prayers and someone who can just listen to me without saying a word” people don’t understand?
    In my country Mother’s day is in October, so since I am here in the USA… I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day ( I am Motherless since I was 14 mo. old anyway…) but I see all my friends who are already grandmas celebrating even with their own Mothers… As always, I am praying for all of us !!

    • Sorry to hear that .. That is a very good response “I only need prayers and someone who can listen .. ” that is gold right there and people’s words just hurt no matter WHAT they say simply for the fact that they are NOT us and won’t ever understand what we are going through .. sending lots of prayers for you and me you are in my thoughts .. may we all achieve happiness soon with a serene heart(from whatever it may be)

  3. Mother’s day is just whatever to me .. non-existant in my world .. not for me (obviously) just that I do have a mom, sister and sister-in-law who are mothers .. but that holiday is just for THEM and not me .. going to ignore it and not give it any attention.

  4. I heard it summed up pretty perfectly today … by someone who is a mother. It’s not a big deal – EVERY DAY is Mothers’ Day.

    Therein lies the problem or all of us…

  5. I really used to not pay attention to it at all. Until Facebook. That’s what I hate seeing the most – the endless posts “to all the moms out there” and “shares” of stupid, pithy comments about how real motherhood really is and self-congratulations about all their sacrifices. “Because of you, She pees a little when she sneezes — she deserve flowers!”
    Someone I was speaking to purely for work wished me a happy mother’s day. I just said “thank you” and then I cried when we hung up. I’ve sacrificed too, quite a bit, and ended up with nothing. I’m coming up on a birthday next month where I will really reach an age where the whole ‘maybe out of nowhere my body will just get magically pregnant on its own!!! It could happen!!!!” is truly becoming laughable. It’s over. Overall, life is good and I’m trying to enjoy the financial stability of just existing, with no added expenses. But, I’m hurting today. Probably should stay off FB. Thank you for the chance to rant, this was a very good whine.

      • I also terminated my FB account when my infant son passed. It was liberating. You don’t miss it at all. Particularly, with all the articles about how it’s so contrived and not real. I also never sent an address card after we moved to try to limit all those horrible happy family holiday cards. We need to protect ourselves.

  6. Yeah I’m starting to feel the depression of this Mother’s day weekend setting in. I have plans to avoid it but the having to make plans is actually stressing me out.

    Last year my Dh and I went out of town for the weekend to a non-kids place and it was wonderful. We don’t have the money this year to go for a long weekend get away, so i’m having to find ways to avoid people. I hate this stupid holiday, It snot enough to have all the other holidays in the year that we have to cope with, this one is just the worst. I’m holding my breath until its all over.

  7. I don’t do Mother’s Day. I barely have a relationship with my own mom let alone the whole infertility issue. I skip church and stay clear of people. This year DH and I are taking a little road trip. And I better not hear one word about how I’m a mom to my dog. NOT THE SAME THING!!!!

    • Amen. I will laugh at a funny card that’s “from the dog” that’s given in jest. I also laugh when “the dog” gets me a birthday card. But any sincere “you really are a mom, you have a furbaby” comment is just delusional and incredibly stupid. I really do love him, but he is JUST A DOG.

  8. What a wonderful sentiment ElleVee – read that in public and put tears in my eyes! Next time, I’ll be wiser šŸ˜‰

    My whine: Mothers who don’t want anything for mothers day except a day to themselves with no child responsibilities. “We want a day where we don’t have to be mothers” – this was the word for word quote from a radio DJ this morning on my way to work. I have no words.

  9. Just found you all today. This year it’s hitting hard because i lost my relationship this year and all the hopes it held, and friends who met *after* my exboyfriend and I did have married and welcomed their son (to whom I am a Godmother) two weeks ago. I am not mother and not spouse to anyone and expected one or both of those by now. Hard. Just wanted to shared.

    • I am sorry. A friend went through a break up last year… Same year she turned 40… Then saw on facebook that her ex boyfriend was getting married… And recently saw an announcement that they are expecting a baby girl. They are not facebook friends, but these announcements are public… And I am sure she knows. Really tough. Big, big hug! Try to celebrate your life and all the good and beauty in the world. Not easy when our glasses are fogged, I know… But possible!

  10. ElleVee et all, your words and emotions ring true with me. I have spent my adult years after learning I would not be a mother being kind, generous, and as helpful as possible to all of my nieces and nephews. I never push myself on them but they know if they ever needed anything I would be there for them. I have two goddaughters both who have lost their mothers (2 of my late sisters are their mothers) and I always remember their birthdays, give Christmas presents,etc. But never do they acknowledge me as their godmother on Mother’s Day and I never really expected it but would be shocked if they did. They are all so busy with their own families. Both my mother and mother-in-law are deceased. My husband and I are going motorcycling on Mother’s Day and will have a great time. My best wishes to all of you on this potentially difficult day. We will survive it relatively unscathed (I hope )

  11. Very well said. This is my most dreaded day of the year. I usually hide at home in hopes of avoiding all the hype surrounding mothers knowing I will never be a mom. And every year I hope to be able to better cope the next time it comes around.

    • We stayed home this year and had a movie day saving us cash and any upset going to those places on family days.

  12. Instructor at the end of a weekly class I go to: ‘And I hope all you mothers have a great mother’s day this weekend!’. Well, I thought, I’m not a mother, but I’m gonna have a great weekend too, anyway – screw it!

  13. This weekend I’ll stay as far as posibble of my in-laws because I don’t want to be near my brother in law, his wife an my nephew (their son) that happens to be the only grandchild…. Normally I enjoy time with them, but on mother’s day is just too painful.
    But I will spend all day with my mom. I know that some of you have no longer your mom by your side. But, in case you do, I think it’s a good way to embrace this Holiday. Ok, I’m not a mom, but I’m a daugther so I have a rol in this too. Don’t you think?

    • I always thought Mother’s Day was about celebrating our mothers and focusing on that relationship! I always celebrated my mom and my aunts, two of whom did not have kids. I always gave them a present for being my second moms.

  14. What annoys me about mothers day is the way it it shoved in your face at every turn and the smugness and tweeness of it all.

    This year as I am in the UK mothers day was in March and what we did was stayed home shut the doors and the curtains and had a lovely movie day not doing an awful lot saving any upset that might have been caused if we has ventured out to any restaurants or venues. At least at home if you need to its nice and private for a good old cry if you need one.

    Also forget Facebook for a few days if all it does is upset you.

  15. A work friend said many years ago, when he and his wife were trying desperately for a baby, young people at their church service walked around giving out flowers to all the mothers. They wavered and then took the flower back when they got to them!