Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Comments

  1. I’m really into family history and genealogy and there was a name “Anson” that I just loved that a few ancestors had. Plus, I love the actor Anson Mount, so I knew his name before I even knew my family had the name. This was my name, one I was going to name a boy if I ever had the chance. Then my brother and his wife had their first baby and named him Anson. I was devastated. I was so sad that I would never get the chance to have a boy much less the name I wanted. And in some weird way, it felt like they stole the name (they had no idea so they truly didn’t).

  2. Alexander Dalton, Rebekkah, and Kirsten…

    We only had one boys name but he had a middle name. For the girls we had only agreed on first names though we were bouncing around Arabella, Anastasia, Faith, and Joy as middle names.

    I even had a running joke that at Christmas, with the stockings, I was going to arrange them to spell my name. K(me), A(hubby), R(Rebekkah) and A(Alexander) = Kara

    Didn’t get to do any of that. 🙁

  3. We never had anything set in stone, but my husband likes more traditional male names so we might have had to battle that one out a little. We did agree that since both of our dad’s have the same middle name, Lee, (also so does my brother), we would use that for a middle name, and could also modify it to a female version of Leigh as well.

    We have since stopped talking about baby names, even though we are on the tail end of trying. So, other than carrying on that name, that’s about as far as we got. We never have gotten a positive pregnancy test, so there were things that we never allowed ourselves to think about to a great degree. Those were things we would have progressed to if we got that positive test.

    • We are the same way! I have a whole list of boy names and a separate list for girls and I refuse to pick just one name until things progress .. and so far, years later .. never got one positive pregnancy test ever .. I am tempted to think about every detail but I know my dreams have been shattered each and every month with my time of the month coming .. How i wish to use the names .. even if it’s just one, we would be the happiest .. but these names are locked away somewhere in my iphone notes for years ..

  4. We don’t talk about names much. I think because when we did at one point we had all the hope in the world only to be crushed. I did however name all the embryos we lost as well as our early miscarriage. I’ve had those names floating around my head from the beginning of our TTC. It makes me sad though that I will never be able to actually say those names out loud to them since they are not on this earth. It makes me even more sad that I don’t have anymore names floating around in my head.

  5. When we come across a name we like we usually say out loud that we like it and maybe why we like it – but we never had the chance to really consider a baby name: after a tubal pregnancy with a rather dramatic emergency surgery we never felt confident enough to come up with a list of names…like Jenn said: “there were things that we never allowed ourselves to think about to a great degree” –

  6. Our discussions were about uncommon names – real names, though, not made up like is all the rage these days – you know, where you combine the first names of the parents (our kid would have been Shryan or Bryana (which actually is a real name but spelled weird) under that regime). But thankfully you don’t meet many people named Linus or Xyla. I think if I did it would be painful – worse yet if someone close to us were to name their child the name we were hanging on to. Ultimately, I wish we had never talked about names but we did before we even started TTC and who would have known we’d end up here. I’m so envious of people who just had this normal, “One day I want 2 kids (1 boy and 1 girl, of course) and I will name them Jane and Michael and Jane will look like me and Michael will be handsome like his father and we’ll live happily ever after with our dog, Spot”, and that’s just how it played out. Man, it’s unfair!

  7. Alessandro and Carmellina were my chosen names since they run in the family since…forever.
    Probably other members of the family will use them…I hope.
    I keep on praying…

  8. Aaliyah Sky for a girl.
    Jose Rigel for a boy.
    My husband love space and the space program. Sky for, well, the sky and Rigel is a star. Jose was my father’s name. My mother and aunt already have children named for them.

  9. After years of trying to get pregnant without any luck, I have decided to live my life without children. It has been six years since I’ve made that decision and I still think of baby names to this day. My favorites are Sarah and Jack. I don’t think I’ll ever stop dreaming.

  10. Katie (our stillborn daughter) was always going to be Katie. Her full name was Kathleen Maria — Kathleen is a family name on my side, and Maria was dh’s late mother’s name. If we’d had another daughter, she would have been Amanda Claire (after her great-great & great-grandmothers). If we’d had a boy, he would have been Michael Vincent Neill (Vincent & Neill are also family names).

  11. Our fathers are Harold and Harry – he was going to be Harold – since his conception though we called him Sesame the size of him when we fell in love with him and our dreams came true … never will we be the same without holding him in our arms ever.

  12. My whiny Wednesday…had an off day, emotionally, today and came home to a Similac sample and coupon box on my front step that arrived in the mail addressed to me. We’re 6 years out from our failed IVF, but it’s still salt in the wound. I actually sent Similac a message on FB asking how they obtain names and addresses. I’m waiting to hear back and have already crafted a dozen responses in my head with the run of emotions I’ve had since getting home a few hours ago.

    • Been there with Enfamil and Gerber! I ended up calling Gerber and giving them a piece of my mind after repeated attempts to get them to stop sending me stuff.

      I ended up giving the stuff away to different woman at church….we just happened to have a baby boom at the time we were going through infertility hell.

  13. Guinevere and Jared. I loved that book character and Jared is just too cute and simple for me.

    • Hi cvb,
      Sorry for your frustrations. You comment got caught in the Spam filter. I freed it and you should see it posted above now. This happens, even to readers who post regularly without an problems. I know it’s frustrating, but I’m afraid if I make adjustments that some of the real spam with make it onto the site and that would be a very bad thing.
      Lisa

      • Thank you for your reply, I was wondering the same at times! But then notice my comment appears a day later eventually cvb .. that makes sense!

  16. I had a running list on my phone but deleted it about a year ago. Didnt want the reminder. I loved Madeline for years, but my four year old niece was named Addilyn, that I feel it was too close. Tessa and Nathan were two of my favourites. I am still holding onto the dream. “One day”, is my running response to inquirying minds.

  17. I’ve waited for this post.
    There is a name ..I really hold it close to my heart. To me it is the most beautiful name,I ever heard in my life. It would have been for my baby girl. It is an Arabian name and,I put the perfect middle name to rhyme with it. She would have a conjoined first name,a middle and her daddy’s last. I looked up the meaning and would. I used to Write it down fancy with colored pens, just to see how beautiful it looked on paper.

    I remember several years ago,I thought I could speak a baby into existence. Because I told my aunt and uncle. That I wanted a girl and her name would be….They were both excited about me sharing the name. They both thought the name was so pretty. My aunt even chimed in, on the meaning of it.

    I want to touch on something kinda off topic. (Mini vent)Back to what I said about trying to speak a baby in my life. I did it almost every New Year’s and on my birthday. I’d say things like “This is my year” “My baby is coming” I will get pregnant this year”..I was hopeful although I had a feeling, I was speaking empty words.

    Some don’t believe the power of words. But I was raised that way and witnessed that they have power(bad/good). They just didn’t work for me. My answer: ” It wasn’t meant to be.” And knowing that is the most PAINFUL part, of living this childless life.

    As uneasy as it may feel. Sometimes I still Speak out loud. I stand in the mirror, rubbing my belly and say her name. Hoping it was possible to be reality. I know I’ll never use that name, but will hold it close forever.

    Thanks you Lisa for this post, and allowing me to vent a bit

  18. I was pregnant 23 years ago but had a miscarriage. We were thinking of Sophie for a girl and Richard for a boy. Sadly not to be… although I do like to think he or she is somewhere (Heaven?) and hope they are with my lovely husband who I lost 2 years 4months ago.

  19. I played with family names for a girl: Maxine, Marcelle, Azalea or honoring my grandparent’s best friend (omg, just realized she’s my Chero!) with a variation on her name (Muirlynne for Murlin) enough that these feel familiar. But last year I walked into a baby store and was shocked to see my daughter’s name, clear as day: Wren. My little baby bird. I burst into tears. Starting just a few days ago I’ve been working to honor that she lives in my heart if she will live anywhere.