Facebook has been the topic of many Whiny Wednesday rants, and rightly so. Social media in general has perpetuated a myth of happiness that can make any kind of pain feel worse. So this week, our topic is this:
“Other People’s Perfect Lives”
Let us know how you feel.
I’m a firm believer of posting good things that happen as well as the bad on Facebook.
During NIAW, back in April, I was posting bits of informations about infertility and someone commented on how I seemed down about it. I said I wasn’t really down about it just posting fact about infertility. We got into a long discussion on how I don’t sugar coat my life to make other people feel comfortable. And that people only post the good of their life on social media and not the B side of their life. No one’s life is perfect.
After posting that…I noticed a lot of my friends started posting the crappy things, silly things, and good things that go on in their life. For example my sister posted that her klutziness was in true form yesterday because she ran into the door frame, bit the inside of her cheek, and almost fell off a stool. Couple weeks ago I posted a selfie of what I looked like after loading my groceries into my car in the middle of a rain storm. I had a friend post something annoying that her kid was doing.
Sh*t happens. And there is nothing wrong with posting it on Facebook. Also by posting the B side of your life on Facebook you find people who have had similar things happen to them. And you get a chance to turn a negative into a funny positive with your friends.
I’m not sure what came first, my disillusionment with Facebook, or my infertility, but they are closely tied to each other at this point. I err on the side of just not posting anything on Facebook – good or bad – as I don’t care for people to know what’s going on in my life anymore. I also wouldn’t mind sharing certain things, as I’m sort of an open book most of the time, but there are family on there and in-laws that I don’t want seeing things that I might post and share with my actual friends. In short, I’m not much of a fan in general of Facebook, and my infertility has made me extra-sensitive about what others post as far as their perfect lives go, so I try to avoid Facebook. I just don’t see it as a vital part of my life.
me too
WOw! I had just came off facebook/instagram and was thinking about all the “perfect lives” people seem to have .. everyone gets their perfect family and if they have a boy, they have a girl right after .. or along those perfect patterns .. so different from mine .. sigh .. i have been wanting to do a total social media detox and just disable all my accounts for now .. no use going on them nowadays .. all i see is BS
O dont go on FB anymore. My life has to a unpleasant turn..I just havnt had anything good worth sharing.
But my whine is the many women I”ve been seening lately with infants.Some look weeks old.. God. I saw six today alone. A lady today sat in front of me at dmv and started breastfeeding. It was extremly piercing and sombering to see. I feel like I try hard to be thankful for what I have, and I am. But its just not fair at all. Its NOT fair.
I am convinced that there is no “perfect life.” There is “life” to be experienced every day.
Prayers and blessings !
I have unfollowed all the young mothers on my Facebook feed. The last thing I need to see since I’ve become chronically ill and infertile, is someone young , healthy and smiling with her perfect chubby baby, perfectly turned out in his onesie or osh gosh doing adorable things. It just makes me depressed and it makes me hate these women despite the fact that they have really done nothing wrong. They are lies though, they don’t show the sleepless nights, the baby spew, the dirty diapers or what happened immediately AFTER the picture was taken. Nope, every picture looks like a Gerber advert and it makes me want to hurl. So I just unfollow them. Then every couple months I feel guilty, go to their page, like everything and leave. They have no idea I’m not breathlessly following their every move and that’s fine. They lie and pretend their life is perfect and I lie and pretend I watch them. Works out both ways.
Hi Rose – totally relate to this and have done very similar where FB is concerned. You are quite right – we need to see beyond our own perception of “perfect” – their life is not like this all the time. Its still hard to take at times but putting the balance over it helps – I then think about what I am doing and fill my head with that. I do sometimes need a cry and or a rant – but I do force myself back to me! It does help – I’ve had more comments lately of people envying my life! Its taken a lot of years to see my life from a different perspective and to view others lives without a rosey gloss on it! I mostly don’t go on FB though – I have enough images of “perfect” every day with colleagues, walking in the town shopping, TV ads – I’m applying the reality to them all and keeping my chin up! Thanks for your post.
I don’t want to be on Facebook cause people judge me on what I post on there and I just don’t need people who are not close to me thinking they know me when they don’t. I get too tempted to rant on fb about infertility when I get bad days and when people comment with things I don’t agree with on my rant post my day just gets worse and more stressful. I’ve tell people who request me I don’t do Facebook for these reasons and cause seeing all the families on there upsets me. And I don’t want to waste my time on Facebook as it does eat up so much time looking at news feeds of people who are not in my real life who don’t really care about me, they just want to be nosy. I just like joke pages on Facebook and my clubs that I’m in to keep up with events.
Maybe I am not prepared to face the fact yet that I am utterly fb-addicted….
but I do think “other people’s perfect lives” is also a problem in real life.
People, especially families, seem to stage the perfection of their lives a lot, so others can see it. The nice house, the perfect summer party, the big car… in professional life, people flaunt their successes… even in hobbies, these days, the socially acceptable thing to do seems to be to run – and win! – marathons.
Not: Living by yourself in a two-room apartment, more or less getting by at work, occasionally find a friend to go to the pictures with, and dragging yourself to the gym once in ten days (while you keep claiming you go twice a week) š