I’ve seen this week’s topic come up a lot in the blog comments, so I know that many of you have experienced this. It’s the topic of caring for aging parents, and whether the responsibility is shared fairly when you don’t have children.
What’s been your experience with this?
I dont know if it was because we didnt have children or becase we were the closest but I was sole caregiver of Dad, Mom and Aunt with NO help in fact my only sister told me she wanted nothing to do with it…
I would do it again in a heartbeat, even with all the stress involved.
It cause my relationship with my sister to be non existant.
My sister & Brother In Law treat me as if I were a child & dont know anthing (I am in my 60s)
My husband passed in March and she has only called me one time…so needless to say they are out of my life.
When we were going to see them she would constantly belittle my Mom (whom I adored) and I just cant deal with that
Children or not you should take care of the elderly.
I have a state line between me and my parents specifically because of my mother’s constant verbal abuse. She is the reason I was terrified to have children when I was young and by the time I felt able to have them without treating them like she treated me it was too late. If they go in the hospital and I am able I will drive up to help otherwise there are 4 other siblings that can handle it.
Since I am single with no kids, I seem to be the perfect candidate “to be a caregiver”. Even though I used to work as one (part time) I still believe responsibilities should be shared.
I usually take care of my friends before and after their surgeries. And sometimes they schedule their surgery around my schedule !!
I learned how to say “no” in a gentle way to them. Some understand and some don’t. Somehow in their minds they believe I have “all the time in the world”.
LOL
I’m a little bitter because we are the primary financial support for my in-laws. Because both have health issues. and we are the only “stable” family members .. sigh ..
Timely topic for me, as I am visiting my parents right now (ages 76 & 78). My sister (only sibling, also childless/free, by choice) lives much closer and thus carries most of the load, but I try to help as much as I can while I’m here. They still do very well for themselves — but I can definitely see them slowing down & it is sad & scary. š The upkeep of the house & the yard are getting to be too much for them, but they don’t want to downsize just yet, my mother in particular. Guess we’ll see how things unfold over the next few years. But it does make me think about what the future holds for me…
Parents sacrificed their life in taking care and responsibility of children without taking a leave even for the single day if they were sick too, They took struggle and hardworking to nourish us, There will be great honor for us, time to take our duty.
All my life i had ‘ i ..they….cant be here ( in the back of an ambulance or sat for hours in A & E) as theyve got kids……
I was too tired or drained to go out andcput energy into finding the right relationship to have the right foundations for a family.
I wish i was more selfish at times …..hindsight is a good thing
Both my sister and I are childless. I’m married with a career that has a lot of demanding travel. She is single and has flexibility being in academia. We share, but she does more because she has more flexibility.
All that said, I have been vocal for both of us, that in no way will care for anyone else interfere with care for ourselves. Not having children, it is critical that we are saving for our own retirement and care in the future. Neither of us can afford to allow elder care to interfere with our own economic securities. (It’s a bit easier for us because my mother has the economic resources to hire help as needed even simple things like paying for a ride to an appt if she can’t drive then expecting someone to take time from work to be her chauffeur.)