Last Wednesday was Valentine’s Day and I completely neglected to do a Whiny Wednesday post. (Thank you, Jane, for the reminder.)
Although my relationship with Mr. Fab survived our infertility, Valentine’s Day for us has become another holiday that’s lost its luster. For the most part, we ignore it.
I know it can be a difficult day (or week) for many of you, so even though it’s a little late, this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic is:
Valentine’s Day
And, by the way, if you have any tips for how you approach this day, please share it here for readers who might be struggling.
I’m Taking My Eggs and Going Home: How One Woman Dared to Say No to Motherhood is a Goodreads giveaway this week. Check out Goodreads.com for your chance to win signed copy.
My husband and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. His birthday is two days before and mine is two weeks after. We only ever celebrated it twice when we were dating and then, together, decided it was dumb with birthdays being so close.
When my mother complained that my husband didn’t get me anything, I asked her where she had been the last 20 years. It was never a secret that we didn’t celebrate it or the whys behind it.
My hubby and I got engaged on Valentine’s, so it holds a special place in our hearts. We don’t normally exchange gifts, but we always celebrate. This year, we took a mini-vacation to a cabin, saw a concert, spent one day with my hubby studying and me working on a project, did a bit of shopping, and had a couple of wonderful meals. It was really just a time to focus on the two of us. On the actual day, my hubby was gone all day with work and school, so I simply gave him a card when he got home.
In past years, we have gone to a nice dinner. One year, we invited his mom because she is a widow and was single that year. We’ve spent it having special days with our nieces, taking our exchange daughter to DC, or simply cooking a nice meal together at home.
One of my favorite Valentine’s Day memories, however, is when we went to pick up our very first puppy (who we named Valentine). He was my first fur baby and helped me tremendously during our infertility battle.
To me, Valentine’s is a day to show love–to your hubby, your family, your friends, you fur babies, the world… I focus on all the beautiful people in my life, which helps me find joy in this day. 🙂
Brandi, you have a wonderful perspective on life and I always appreciate reading your comments! I struggle with a lot of anger over not being able to have children with my husband. I am striving to have a better outlook. You set a great example. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words, Cath. This journey has been a long one for me, and I did not always look so positively on my infertility and childlessness. But with time, my perspective changed. I hope that you can work through your anger… Just be gentle with yourself. This is a difficult path that we are walking.
My book club meets every 2nd Wednesday, and it wasn’t until about a week before that we noticed, whoops, that’s Valentine’s Day! But I talked it over with one gal, and we thought it’s just an hour. More to the point, at least half of the group is single women–and WE are each other’s valentine’s too! The host that night served champagne and we toasted each other. Still had time for a low-key dinner with my husband (we don’t go all out for the holidays, which is fine by me), so I got the best of everything imho. Btw, one of my other close gal-pals gets together with a bunch of friends to celebrate Gal-entine’s Day. I love that!
Thanks Kate – I love the Gal-entine’s Day idea. We go to a spin class at the gym on a Wednesday and it never crossed our mind to do anything else (there were only a few people missing)!
Thanks to Nita too for the reminder to think of widowed friends and family – I’m always feeling invisible where my fertility struggles and my mum are concerned yet I didn’t think of her last week when we only lost my Dad last October. I’ll give her a hug tonight.
Thanks everyone – its a difficult path indeed.
We always celebrated Valentines Day with a card, or chocolate, sometimes flowers and sometimes dinner. Alot of times we would have a church Valentine Dinner, so just as many of you feel left out because of infertility, thus since losing my spouse Valentines day also becomes hard…
I did go to my cousins as she also is a widow and she had her grandkids…helped being around people. My neighbor also gave me some flowers and candy…
I just want to encourage those who still have their spouses…whether or not you celebrate Valentines day, find a Widow and get her something to show you are thinking of her…
Remember it is as hard on us as Mothers Day is on the childless…
I’m so sorry about the loss of your husband, Nita. I am glad that friends and family showed you love at Valentine’s. Thank you for the reminder to reach out to widows on this day.
Every Valentine’s Day, the price of flowers shoots up to three times higher than normal, I don’t know if it’s the same in other countries. That V day is so big here in the Philippines. My husband and I don’t celebrate it. I mean, if its a family or friendship thing, we can let our loved ones feel loved any other day
Valentine’s Day was the wedding anniversary for my husband’s parents and maternal grandparents. Since both of his maternal grandparents and his father have died it is a difficult day for both of us. We typically do not acknowledge it other than to celebrate their beautiful marriages and remember times spent together. My paternal grandmother used to make us all homemade valentine’s on this day before she died. I never think of it until the day passes and those sweet valentine’s haven’t arrived. But mostly, for us at least, Valentine’s Day is a day to remember family and our love for them.
Valentine’s Day lost its luster when i was 8 and got hate mail from the class bullies. There were no rules about having to give valentines to the whole class or about being nice then. In my early 20s Valentine’s Day was an annual romantic disappointment and after age 22 I just refused to participate any more and boycotted it. I kept this tradition until oh, last year. So, 20 years. In the last two years I have come to regard the day as “Love and friendship day”. I buy my friends cards. I buy my mother flowers. It makes them happy. That’s all that matters.
Infertility and fertility medicine destroyed my relationship. over the last 7 years, I have not been able to find a new partner (despite online dating, if that was the advice you wanted to give me). When I searched for professional (!!) help with emotional issues, all I was told over and over again was “it would be good for you if you were in a relationship” “you want to have a baby – you need to be open to a relationship” (I am 45!!!) and so on THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I hate valentine’s day.