It’s the sister who every time she sees you asks, “So are you…?” The aunt who asks at every big holiday gathering, “When are you going to…?” Or the mother-in-law who passive-aggressively wonders out loud when “someone” is going to make her a grandmother. You know,
That one relative who just can’t let it go.
Got one? Tell us about him or her, then tell us what you’d like to say back.
I use to have one. But I have been so open about the infertility over the last couple years that no one ask any more.
Like Kara, I used to have people who asked… But I’ve also been so open about our infertility and trying to accept our childlessness that people started accepting it, too. Well, most of them. I have two family members who think I “gave up.” Luckily, they stopped airing their opinions when I politely, but firmly, told them, “I can’t talk to you about this anymore.”
Yup, I have this obnoxious aunt-in-law & her daughter who ask “when are you PLANNING on trying? .. as if we havent tried at all and her daughter goes “Somebody is next” so i had a sit down with thm and explained i was trying with no luck .. i wish to respond to the aunt “WHEN is your funeral?!” that question is just as off limits and dumb as her question .. you dont actually KNOW when you will have a baby or the other way around .. just so humiliating.
I have a cousin who vascillates between (loudly) saying I should “pop one out” to “we know you don’t like kids” to telling me I’ll never know what real love is…I’ve tried telling her about my struggles, but she just changes the subject. I’ve thought for a while now that I should write her a letter instead. This may give me the courage to do it! I love kids and have worked with them for over twenty years now, btw! I want nothing more than to be a mom. Rant done:)
Well I’m pleased my immediate family finally knows, I wasn’t meant for motherhood, and that it was entirely out of my control. I’m “ever single” and barren. I’d have a better chance being the first female president.
However, its the friends of the family and associates. Who Still judge me for not having any. Sometimes I just wish I was born male. So I wouldn’t have the expectation and pressure of having a child. If people would just mind their own damn(sorry) business. This childless life would be way easier.
sorry you had to go through that .. it’s definitely friends and randoms that get to me that make comments to me too .. unfortunately my husband also experiences a lot of back lash for not having kids .. its absolutely sickening to me that we are not left alone to just be .. wish everyday to move to a secluded island where i can just relax
In så, SO, tankfull that I’ve never had anyone ask or assume.
For me it’s nearly been the opposite, since no one ever asked or talked about it, I started to feel that it was so clear to everyone that I was not supposed to have children that it wasn’t worth mentioning or discussing.
I already felt that way, as if I was the looser in the “survival of the fittest-race”, since I never met anyone who was in the least interested in trying to have a child with me.
I am so tired of otherwise educated family members not getting that fertility has an expiration date. I am 44. This past year my husband got a vasectomy because I no longer wanted to risk getting pregnant and having yet another miscarriage. I know how high the miscarriage rate is for someone my age and also know that the likelihood for me is so much higher due to the many I have already had. My mother still pushed the miracles happen and why would I not take the risk because you never know.
She finally dropped it when I explained that even if a miracle happened, I would have a baby at 45. That makes me 67 when the kid graduates from college, and her age now when the kid finishes grad school and is finally independent. (My parents helped with grad school for us as did their parents for them.) I told her that I plan to retire at 62. That she understood and has never brought it up again.
To preface my reply a bit, just some background info: In 2014 I came to accept that with the assortment of medical issues I have, plus my age, children were just not going to happen for me. Also, I’ll be 50 in August, I’ve been married nearly 17 years, and my mother-in-law and father-in-law have totally accepted the fact that they won’t get grandkids out of me–and my mother-in-law very sweetly said to me, “God made you this way, so what am I to do?” She loves me anyway, that’s what she does.
My tale of woe (or WHOAH!?!?):
A year ago I was visiting relatives of my father-in-law. People I have never met before in my life, mind you.
As I sat down next to this one relative, he pretty much skewered me by the most intrusive question asked in the most horrendous way: “So. Married 15 years and no children. WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?” And when I replied, “I am physically unable to have children,” this person who claims to be a doctor replied, “You’re killing your mother-in-law, don’t you care about that?” And as unfathomable as it is to me, everyone else was in the same room and they were all so involved in their own loud, animated chatter, they had no idea that this person was verbally attacking me.
sorry to bring up oooold posts, but yeah, WHOAH! what an ass and I hope you don’t have to encounter this person ever again. My heart goes out to you!