By Lisa Manterfield
Let’s just say it: Mother’s Day is the nuclear bomb of holidays when you don’t have children. It’s a day of brunches, church services, and flowers, when shops, offices, restaurants, and even our social media feeds are filled with celebrations of moms and all things motherhood. To top it all, this holiday has somehow escaped the political correctness cleanup that other holidays have undergone, so while many people are hesitant these days to wish someone a Merry Christmas, lest they offend, no one seems to have any qualms about wishing everyone a Happy Mother’s Day.
It took me a long time to be able to face Mother’s Day, but in more recent years I’ve done something fun for myself on that weekend. A couple of years ago I planned a trapeze class and another year I ran a half marathon at Disneyland. Each year, I’m able to note that the day bothers me less and less, and I use it to mark my own progress. I know that many of you aren’t there yet, and from past experience I know that it pays to face the day prepared.
If you plan to venture out over Mother’s Day weekend, be ready for almost everyone to wish you a happy Mother’s Day. This includes friends, neighbors, sales assistants, parking attendants, and even complete strangers. Prepare your arsenal of stock replies and be ready to respond, so you don’t find yourself caught unawares and having to explain why you’re standing in the middle of the street in tears, yelling “It’s not a happy day at all!” to an unsuspecting stranger. My standard response is to say “Thank you. You too” and move on as quickly as possible.
Once you’re aware of the inevitable challenges the day can bring, it’s good to make a plan to keep yourself protected. If you know you’re not going to be able to make it through the day with your emotions intact, stay at home or make plans to go somewhere away from the biggest challenge spots. If you’re expected to attend a big family gathering, consider if you could take a pass, just this year. Even if the next Mother’s Day is months from now, take a few minutes to jot down the challenges you might face and come up with a plan. How will you spend the day? How will you honor your own mother? And how will you deal with the challenges you can’t avoid?
Mother’s day has also been hard for me. My mother died when I was 14 months old and I don’t have memories from her.
I am now 53 and not a mother myself. It’s sad for me… I can’t go on…
I lost my mother at 25 & at 53 must accept I will never be a mother.
I kinda forgot it was this week…until I started reading the news online. Babies babies babies and some low-level celebrity whining about how her body changed after pregnancy. What did you expect? And, um, this is NEWS?! So am avoiding all “news” and social media from all the self-congratulatory mothers till this is over.
Now that both my mother and mother-in-law have passed away Mother’s Day is like just another Sunday for me. At 67 years of age I’ve almost, repeat almost grown immune to the emotional pitfalls of the day without children and at my age a day also without grandchildren. I did get a call from the American Red Cross that they are in desperate need of platelet donations. So on Mother’s Day this year I’ll be lying motionless on a donation bed for about 3 hours watching a movie while nurses and machines do their thing to get my platelets. The Red Cross tells me that platelets are life saving for cancer patients. So I figured even though I haven’t been able to give life to a child perhaps I can help save a life. My hope for us all is that we can get through this day with our self esteem and a positive appreciation of our value intact.
Wow. This is a really incredible way to spend Mother’s Day. I will be thinking of you on Sunday. Thank you for your donation! I am going to have to remember this idea. I used to get really nauseous around needles so they wouldn’t let me donate blood in the past, but now that I’ve been through a lot of fertility treatments with injections and blood draws I can tolerate it all better. So maybe now I will be able to donate! Thanks for this idea. <3
Phyllis, I am so sorry for your losses. And I LOVE your idea about donating platelets and saving lives.
I loved this post. I absolutely think we are important and valuable!
Thanks for your kind words Phoenix & Kathleen. Actually donating platelets is a bit of a selfish act on my part. It gives me something to feel good about on Mother’s Day. And afterwards I reward myself with a bowl of my favorite ice cream
That is a wonderful idea, Phyllis!
My hideout of preference on That Day is a nice dark movie theatre with a big tub of popcorn. “Infinity War,” anyone? 😉 We’ve been waiting for a couple of weeks to let the initial crowds die down a bit.