This topic came up on the community forums a while ago and I thought it was a great topic to explore here on Whiny Wednesday.
Not being treated like a “real” adult because you’re not a parent.
I’ve certainly experienced this myself and talked to friends who say they’re still treated like a kid because they don’t have children of their own.
How about you?
Lisa, I guess I need a few examples. I’m being dense this morning.
Hi, Mary, here are a few: (1) being told “you don’t understand, you’re not a parent” (even when you have more childcare experience than your accuser), (2) being left out of conversations at holiday gatherings because all the other grownups are comparing pregnancy/delivery/child-rearing stories, (3) being seated at the kids’ table (although arguably this could be more fun), (4) being excluded from social events that are designed to be family events (the Christmas caroling, the company picnic, the church picnic), (5) being left out of “serious” conversations over “family” issues, (6) being asked to help take up the slack at work because you’re the only one “without responsibilities”.
Those are off the top of my head.
I usually have a lot to say in this forum, but zi cant say, I have experienced this. The people or work or friends,had no trouble trying to give me responsibilities, I was trying to not take so much on. The bee in my bonnet, is that I don’t know about love because I don’t have a child, but this I have not experienced much.
I was just thinking about this this morning! Actually the quote I saw was a man saying something about how becoming a father made him a better person. I wanted to respond that I am a terrific person right off the bat — I don’t need children to make me better! And the whole bit about not knowing love…. Yep. My blood is boiling.
Yes, I hate when people say about that. I have known love, and love has broken my heart. It’s not that you don’t know love, it’s just a different kind of love. What they really mean is I never knew (a) love (like this) until I had a kid…which would be more accurate.
1. Recently I was at a Veteran’s Day (American) event that was attended by Mom, two sisters, neices and nephews and their kids. The youngest one- who is named after me is 4 and she was restless. Both my sisters and my Mom were saying how she was “hyper”. She is not hyper. She is a normal 4 year old. They were constantly shushing her but not really doing anything to distract her, in other words, expecting her to sit still and quiet. (She wasn’t really being loud.) Anyway, the conversation was sort of like this: She’s so hyper. Me: No she’s not, she’s a normal 4yo. Sister: You let US be the judge of that. 2. Every holiday…last year sat through a conversation of at least 5 women talking about birth stories. For the first time it didn’t bother me at first, but then it got old. I should have launched into my story about my IVF treatment and how I my tests were negative and how my embryos never made it. 3. I don’t think this ever happened. 4. This has happened on numerous occasions. 5. Actually the opposite. My Dad briefed me on his end of life plans because I was the only one that was “unencumbered” by kids. In the end it was the right choice. He was right. But it still hurt a little bit because I would have been the right choice regardless, LOL. 6. When I worked in an office with co-workers, yes, this was very common to pick up the slack whenever a co-worker was late because of kid issues. Although in my area, commuting is a nightmare. And when schools close unexpectedly, sometimes it can’t be helped. But I don’t believe I was ever denied a vacation or anything like that.
Well, I have not really been treated like a kid, but most of the time I have been regarded like a carefree happy-go-lucky teenager
My brother, who knew we were in the middle of an ivf round, and who’s only child is through DIVF said to me once that, that’s there’s so many things you never realise til you’re a parent. My response was ‘I wouldn’t know”…his response was, oh I don’t mean you, you’ve been a nanny before. ♀️ And several friends who in the early months were quite happy to make the most of my nannying experience when they were unsure, and happy to take advantage of my kind heart in order to get me to help them out, or be super flexible about catch ups etc….but a year or so in once they felt more confident, they didn’t have a need for me anymore, some even dismissing my advice to a mutual friend who was a new Mum. People aye.
Funny you should post this…I am 63 (almost 64) and have always wanted a relationship with my sister…she is very controlling and no one in the family treats me like an adult…I dont know anything…My husband passed 11 months before hers but they would not accept my advice because I lived in a different State. I am literally through with her…it is not just not being treated like an Adult it is called “respect”
You ask for an example…I will give you good ones I never know anything, She asked me if I knew how to trifold her dish towels…Really? Well in some circumstances I know more than she does.
But I cancelled the Christmas trip because of her controlling and being disrespected.