Some years ago, a young relative asked why I didn’t have children. I gave him an explanation that was honest, while also being appropriate for a young boy.
And then he asked me, “But won’t you be lonely?”
To this I responded that I had Mr. Fab and that I’d be fine. But actually, I think he may have hit a nerve, because even though I value the quiet time I have, sometimes it can feel a little lonely.
It’s Whiny Wednesday, what truths have hit a nerve with you?
Sometimes I have conversations with my nonexistent kids; especially on days where I’ve been home alone all day, didn’t leave the house for any reason.
The truth that hits home for me is that things are geared around kids and the babies. My family get togethers are around the kids going in the pool e5c. When my entire family gathers in a room its in a circle around the babies. Why cant we stand in another arrangement? Why must it always be about the babies going for a swim? What if the adults want to swim too. But because i dont have kids i’ll just be an afterthought.
This is my biggest fear of all. I said to my mum this week… “when I am your age, who will call me?” she cried, I cried. I am certain that life will be fine and I will only be as lonely and I make myself. For me is what nobody can really understand. Children are no guarantee that you will not be lonely and my goodness there are too many broken families who do not speak. But, there is a sense of belonging with children and families and I am really struggling with this at the moment. I thought I had come through the worst of the grief but apparently not.
And now I’m crying. I talk to my mum for at least an hour every week, as do my brothers, but I know she’s alone in between those calls. Sending hugs, Samantha.
Oh I am sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry. All I can say is thank you for everything you write about because this blog keeps me going on the dark days.
I think about this a lot, too! My brother and I do a lot for my parents (take them with us on vacations -Spain, Alaska-, take them out to the movies, gardens, shops, concerts, dinners, buy my mom things to keep her active with hobbies, needle point, coloring books, plants for her garden, and gadgets for my dad). I see them every weekend, bring them over to stay with me, and I do major spring cleaning once or twice a year at her place. My mom has dementia, but can still do many things. We have found someone to come and help with cooking and light cleaning, take her for walks and keep her active at home. I also take care of my aunt, who does not have children. I’m painting her small apartment in a few weeks, and am hoping to do some light remodeling for her bathroom, and to make some other updates for her place. I have a niece and nephew, who I adore, and am close to, especially my niece, but they now live in another city. I prefer not to think much about my later years, and just hope for the best.