I do hope this isn’t simply a factor of aging, but lately I seem to have lost my ability to keep track of time. I was always so good at remembering things like how many years ago we visited such-and-such a place, or where we spent Christmas four years ago. But the last several years of my life have suddenly blurred into one big event. I can no longer accurately mark time.
Over lunch with a friend recently, we talked about her daughter and both expressed shock that she is already 16. How the years fly! We talked about another friend who has since moved away and how vividly we remember going to see her new baby so many years ago. I realized that I have no idea how old this little boy is now. I guessed he was probably somewhere around 10 or 12, but my friend knew exactly. “He’s two years younger than my daughter. He’ll be 14 in March.” I felt guilty that I didn’t remember that.
Walking home after lunch, it dawned on me that my time amnesia might have a lot to do with not having children. My friend is reminded on a daily basis of how old her children are. She marks the passing of time with birthday parties, school grades, and childhood milestones. She knows how long ago something happened, because she knows how old her kids were, or what grade they were in at the time. She knows how old our friend’s son is because she remembers where she was on her motherhood path when our friend was pregnant. I don’t have that marker and so I have to try to fill in the gaps with other events, or news headlines to mark time in my memory. But unless something significant happened, I don’t have those milestones to grasp onto.
Without children to mark time and propel my life forward, I can see how easy it could be to drift through the years. Children create milestones and new direction and, while I’m not in any danger of falling into a rut yet, I can see how easily my life could lose direction.
Maybe I’ve just hit by a patch of melancholy again, so does anyone else see this? Do any of you feel as if your life is drifting by?
Hi Lisa, I’ve noticed this somewhat with myself, but….. I know this will not come across well but I will just say that my friends and family with children are usually oblivious to some degree to what is going on in others’ lives because they are focused on their own families to the extent that they sometimes also get spacey about dates that involve events outside their family. That’s a long and wind-y sentence to say, I think this happens to most people, just for different reasons.
I feel exactly the same way. The years have been blurry for me as well. It’s amazing how connected we are in this most difficult journey. It makes the road a little less lonely.
Whilst still working through actually living with my childlessness I am coming round to the freedom of NOT being tied to the calander of a child’s life. Working everything around the school year, half terms, the queue for popular times for leave from work, the pressure to squeeze experiences/events into an allowed time etc. Nope, I can plan my life around cheaper, less busy times, when I! am in the right frame of mind to do something [or even better, to not do anything] I will always have preferred to have had my not-born children but given where I am [menopausal] I have had to take a step back and this is just one of the somethings I see.
Yes, but I see it as more of a ‘living in the present’ phenomenon, and not having to structure my life around someone else’s milestones. On a related note, I am much more relaxed and less inclined to beat myself up for not closely tracking what I did and when — there’s a lovely agelessness that results.
Off topic, I had a really memorable dream the other night and you were in it. We were both guests of Michelle Obama and having a deep conversation in her kitchen. I woke up and thought, “well, of course!” xo
Pamela, it’s good to hear from you. That would be a great conversation to have. Thank you for dreaming about me! 🙂