Over the past couple of years I’ve been “enjoying” a journey through menopause. Yeah, it’s a hoot. All the symptoms of PMS, plus fuzzy head, weight gain, night sweats, the works.
I’ve been prescribed HRT and I’ve been reaching out to older friends for advice, because there’s a lot about this I don’t know. Most of my friends have gladly offered support, however one woman (a friend of a friend) looked at me and said, “Menopause? You’re too young for that.”
I assured her I was not, and left the conversation, but really, is that a helpful thing to say? Yes, I know I’m too young for menopause. Add it to the list of things my body’s given up before its time. And then ask me how I feel about the possibility the rest of me might be aging faster than it should too. Does this ever end?
As you may have guessed, it’s Whiny Wednesday. If you’re not yet hearing this about menopause, in what other ways have you been dismissed?
For more about the realities of dealing with menopause and infertility, please check out Mali’s excellent series on her No Kidding in NZ blog.
Yep me too. I refuse to take any hormones as menopause is not a disease to be cured as too many doctors want us to think…so beyond a menopause multivitamin and L-theanine recommended by my naturopath to help smooth out the emotional bumps a bit, I’m trying to just walk through it as best I can and find more women who’ve been through it. The comments about being too young don’t bother me too much I suppose because I agree (I am too young!) and because I was ignorant myself on the topic and none of my doctors during fertility treatments ever brought up perimenopause so it’s one of the few topics I don’t mind educating folks about. What IS annoying? Despite all I’ve been through, I still get the “you never know, I had a friend…” stories from idiots who still, two years post-ivf, think I should go back to the doctor…
Yeah I hear that a lot. I don’t even bother to say that my periods stopped when I was around 38 and I went into premature menopause. I’ve had no other menopause symptoms otherwise. Of course if I mention the no symptoms people tell me how lucky I am. I try not to get myself upset or bitter but dont always succeed
Christine, I know how you feel…
So sorry Christine – see my post below. People really have no idea – which I still find unfathomable! The auto human response to put an optimistic spin on anything that makes them feel a bit uncomfortable drives me wild.
I’m 51 and I still get my periods. Sometimes I feel like it’s a cruel joke. Other times I fantasize about you know what. It’s a mind-****. Part of me hopes that I’ll never experience any symptoms. But I know that it’s coming and I’m terrified about how I’ll feel.
Oh yes!
Very few recognise what an early menopause means. I have no idea when mine started as when I went to the doctor it was too late and I only had one follicle left. I was 35, newly married and thought I was starting my journey not finishing. The frustration was the clinic trying to sell me treatments based on their want of money not my realistic chance of success, everybody telling me ‘I can just have IVF’ erm with what magic beans?! or the ‘there are so many children out there you can JUST adopt.’ Grrrrr then no sympathy on the actual menopause because it is incomprehensible for people. If you are going through it too, I feel for you all.
Hi Samantha – so sorry to read this. Infertility and the menopause are a double edged sword. An early menopause is a triple edged sword – if there is such a thing. So sorry to read this – at every turn it seems there is no understanding from anyone. My husband said to me just recently – “why are you still expecting people to get it – they won’t”. I’ve recently started to share my experience of the menopause with friends – we are getting through it in a variety of ways. I don’t think anyone has quite grasped though that experiencing the menopause when you couldn’t have the family you dreamed of takes a lot of grit. We understand here – I’m so sorry.
I’ve had those exact words said to me too!..clearly I’m not too young as the symptoms have just hit me like a tonne of bricks..my doctor has prescribed HRT too!… my body couldn’t give me babies and now it’s blessing me with this lovely new phase in my life!!!!
Hi Jane!
Thank you! Your comments always resonate with me. My husband says the same and is very much a ‘get up and get on’ type’. I like his attitude and over the last 3 years have tried to adopt his approach rather than my more whiney ‘why me, it’s not fair attitude.’ I agree with you. It would be nice for women, men, people, to try and grasp how devastating it is not only to not have a family but to be ‘different’. I hope that when my friends get to where I am they will start to understand more and I truly aspire to be the bigger person and to show sympathy where there was non. I hope that you are doing well.
Hi Samantha – thank you and likewise! I am inspired by my husband’s attitude and I’m grateful that he does encourage me to rise above it! However, this is tough some days. I have spent too long in “why me, its not fair” – it hasn’t got me very far but I’m sure with some acknowledgement of my grief and sadness from friends and family I may not have been stuck for so long! Who knows – maybe you have to work through it however you can and for as long as it takes……
Thank you for your response – much appreciated. I’ve had a good week this week – booked tickets for a local music festival and gin tasting, and met a friend for lunch today and bought a sale pair of mules on the way back to work!