A few years ago, when my glorious plans for motherhood were just beginning to come crashing down around my ears, Mr. Fab and I went wine tasting. As a rich, fruity cabernet was hitting my bloodstream and making my crappy world feel better, a woman (whose world was feeling a little too good) leaned over and said, “Should you be drinking?”
I was confused for a moment, until I realized she was peering at my belly. Admittedly, I’d put on a few stress pounds over the years of trying to conceive, but I was beyond mortified that she’d mistaken my bloat for a pregnancy, especially considering that was the one thing I was truly aiming for.
I’d like to tell you that she realized her mistake immediately, but alas, she had to ask me twice – the second time for everyone around us to hear.
So, while I believe that most people are well-intentioned when they make a faux pas, in some cases, people just ought to keep their traps shut and mind their own damn business.
It’s Whiny Wednesday, ladies. Let ‘em fly.
…some relatives thought I was pregnant when they saw my wedding pictures… nope !
I didn’t get married because I was pregnant… some people just don’t know when to quit being so intrusive….
I am a music teacher and have been for over a decade-I work with many different ages but the majority of my students have been junior high and high schoolers. I was surprised by this conversation earlier this summer from a parent of a student.
“My son is going through a phase where he just hates everything. I wanted to check in to see how he did today because I’m concerned about him being disrespectful.” -Parent
“He was just fine. He was interested in the composers we were learning about and he has a lot of creative ideas for his project. Sometimes kids are at their worst with their behavior to their parents, and that’s never a good feeling for a parent. But that’s really common in eighth grade. I’ve heard similar concerns from parents before. He was perfectly respectful in class.” -Me
“Do you have any children in eighth grade?” -Parent
“No.” -Me
“Do you even have any children at all?” -Parent
“Nope.” -Me
“Then how can you really know what eighth graders are like?” -Parent
I was polite in my answer to her, but I don’t understand why she even asked for my feedback about her son in the first place if the only way I could be qualified to speak with her is if I had kids of my own. Apparently, working with kids everyday isn’t enough?
Yep I got this when I started doing voluntary work with vulnerable children ! I was gobsmacked to say the least – but I am very good at it and tell people the reason I’m good at it is because I DON’T have kids I don’t have the emotional connection that most people have and can see the issues very clearly therefore able to call them out and deal with them ! People get this but still make you feel like a weirdo when you don’t have kids!!
I’m sorry to hear about her response, Jenna. It’s short-sided and off-topic. She asked about her son’s behavior, then neglected to acknowledge that you gave her your teacher perspective response.
I think some parents have a wider perspective…but I wonder if they are few and far between. The only reason I say this is that I once read an IG post from Glennon Doyle where she said that he routinely discusses aspects of her kids’ lives with Elizabeth Gilbert – the reason being that Liz Gilbert does not have children, so Glennon perceives what Liz offers as being important perspective.
I wish women like Glennon and Liz would talk about more parent/non-parent perspectives. I think many women look to these two as wise humans.
I also wish that Oprah would do a follow-up to her past comment that being a mother is the “hardest job” in the world. She made it several years ago and I couldn’t help but think that part of the strategy behind it was ratings related…
she could use her platform more, as a non-parent, too.
I’ve been asked or thought I was pg before and it hurts especially after years of infertility and loss. After I lost my twins I went out for coffee and the employee asked when I was due. I understand I still had a belly, but it hurt. Especially since it was my first time out of the house after losing them. Another whine for Wednesday seems like it’s pregnancy central again between Instagram and people I’ve seen today.
A hairdresser asked me how many kids I had because my hair all turned grey by the time I was 27. According to her pregnancy hormones will do that to you.
Just another crappy injustice!
One lady who I decided to open up to while grieving my infertility gave one of the most unhelpful responses I’ve ever heard. She was trying to say (I guess) that life doesn’t always work out the way we plan and ended by saying “Just look at me! I have three kids and I never even had to try! I even had my tubes tied!” ….Wow… how comforting (eye roll). I never talked to her about that topic again.
Someone said that to me a couple years ago. I said, “Naa, just tacos.” and walked away.
A woman who saw me leaving church to go pee mid sermon. Afterwards “I saw you go pee and thought you MUST have to owe because you’re pregnant. You’ve been married long enough to be pregnant. Are you?”