Some years ago, a young relative asked why I didn’t have children. I gave him an explanation that was honest, while also being appropriate for a young boy.
And then he asked me, “But won’t you be lonely?”
To this I responded that I had Mr. Fab and that I’d be fine. But actually, I think he may have hit a nerve, because even though I value the quiet time I have, sometimes it can feel a little lonely.
It’s Whiny Wednesday, what truths have hit a nerve with you?
For me, it’s the big family moments like holidays or vacations. Though my husband and I do travel and spend time with loved ones, sometimes it feels “small” or like it could be much more. I am at a much better point in my personal journey now, but sometimes the “what if’s” still linger.
Being lonely is caused by not being part of the mommy club. Women with kids don’t know what to talk about other than their children.
Even though we tried to adopt and a birth mother changed her mind , And we were devastated . I do see some of my friends with kids having really huge problems with them. I can feel lonely in a room full of people.pne of the surprises for me is I thought I would Judy have to make it till my friends kids grow up , but now it’s the whole grandmother thing and that has been a bit of a surprise for me . But financially we can return sooner due to having no kids . Glad for this website blog to help process all these feelings . ❤️
We also tried to adopt, unsuccessfully. You make a really good point about the grandparents thing! Another secondary loss for those of us who don’t have kids. A whole new round of grief will likely come when all those friends babies start having their own babies.
I remember a story my mom told about when my siblings and I were elementary aged: she saw how her mom got to interact with us kids and It looked so much more fun that my mom started looking forward to HER getting to be a grandma someday. This is something I already miss for my future self even though I am still dealing with being childless today.
I am lonely because I work from home & have health issues that keep me from getting out as much as I’d like. I know a lot of wonderful people I call my friends, but few are actually very close with me because they’re into kids (a few of them), but also drinking beer (a LOT of them) & tv shows & doing things wealthier & healthier than I can afford (sports, holidays, dining out, dinner parties) – that’s so many things I don’t have in common… and I seem to bore or annoy people, so… even if I could hang out, few people seem to want to hang out with me. Sometimes I think I wish I had a kid because then my kid would HAVE to be my friend! but…
a) that kid would need A LOT of maintenance before becoming someone I could really DO stuff with. And what if I couldn’t afford it and just had to work ALL. THE. TIME. to cover costs – which I can’t do ’cause I’m too weak (hence part of why I don’t have a kid!) That would be horrible for all of us.
b) what if the kid turns out to be a jerk? My brother went thru a very lengthy being-a-jerk phase, and I remember how sad my mom was then. And I live quite far from the family now and my mom is heartbroken that I don’t want to come visit ALL THE TIME. She shows that being a parent is no solution for loneliness!
It’s kind of unfair to insist one’s child be their entertainment, their confidant, their support, their buddy, (all things my mom has done to me and/or my brother) and I think I’d be careful to try NOT to do those things… but well, I’ll never know anyhow.
I’ve been pretty weird my whole life, and I’ve been lonely my whole life. Nuthin’ new. I do have a husband, whom I think is pretty great much of the time (he’s also weird!), but he can be a mopey old curmudgeon some of the time. And I try to keep busy and do interesting things, and luckily, I am a home-body who likes her home, so altho I might be lonely, I’m often still fairly happy… but, yeah, I gotta confess, sometimes I feel pretty miserable.
Side note: my mom is bothering me A LOT right now to come visit her – she is feeling VERY lonely right now bc she has a bad concussion and can’t drive. I was planning to visit Monday anyway, but I am debating going today IF I can manage my work needs around that…
I’m single too. Very lonely. A lot.
Kara love is so right…..I have a couple of friends with children who never talk about their kids as they have careers and more to offer,,,,other people with kids seem to surrender their life to being mums……big mistake as kids are meant to fly the nest
Surprisingly I am not lonely.
Especially since husband has passed.
My main problem is small holidays.
Valentines, Easter, July 4th
Why not invite a childless widow over?
I find many moms who are lonely
Kids grown and moved and they are now alone.