My apologies for missing last week’s Whiny Wednesday. It wasn’t some cruel April Fool’s joke; I just forgot to hit the “Publish” button!
Often we feel pressure to do something incredible with our lives because we won’t be doing the other “incredible” thing: being mothers.
In the past it’s sparked some healthy discussion, so I thought I’d use it as this week’s Whiny Wednesday topic:
Feeling the pressure to do something else amazing instead
Let the healthy discussion begin!
sadly, I feel that there are quite a few childless-support-sites who increase this pressure.
Around 15-20 years ago, a co-worker of mine did not care for our boss. She mentioned that our boss, who did not have children was basically a loser because she hadn’t accomplished much in her life. That because our boss didn’t have children she could have done so much more to contribute to society. This is when I was just entering the early stages of my infertility journey. I was appalled by what she said. I really didn’t know what to say at the time. That has resonated with me ever since. I sometimes wonder if some mothers feel this way about those of us without children. Because we didn’t have the ultimate calling, being a mother, that we should use our “free time” for a much higher position in life.
I am not sure what anyone else moms think. I do know I do feel like if I’m not in great space definitely feel like whatever I’m doing I should be doing it better . Like now helping out with aging parents I want to remove their decline or health issue or take away their pain. But I can feel that way about not being a mother too , if I’m in a group of women who are only talking about their kids and now it’s the grandkids. I remember in the beginning g of my journey I thought once my friend raise their kids we could hang out , but gots kick in the gut with the grandkids. Not as bad as 9 years ago but it was still there some jealousy and or grief
I recently read an article featuring Tracee Ellis Ross where she talks about being childless and single. You know Tracee Ellis Ross, right? The bass-ass actress, director on Blackish and daughter of legendary Diana Ross? Here is what she had to say about the the pressure of being childless:
I have built an incredible life. I have become a woman that I am proud to be.
And then someone tells me about their friend who adopted a child at 52 and how “it’s never too late for your life to have meaning,” and my worth gets diminished as I am reminded that I have “failed” on the marriage and carriage counts. Me! This bold, liberated, independent woman. I mean, I work out, eat well, I mostly show up to work on time, I’m a good friend, a solid daughter, a hard worker, my credit is good, I take out the garbage before it gets smelly, I recycle, and I won a Golden Globe! I’m killing it! So, why? Why do I get snagged this way? As if all that I have done and who I am doesn’t matter.
I have often felt that pressure from my mom, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m childless, or because that’s just how she is. I can’t imagine she does the same thing to my other sister who is also childless, but is raising foster kids. Every time I talk about my career path (which recently changed) she’s always second guessing my decisions, and wondering why I don’t pursue something else, or something more noteworthy. Honestly, I think she likes bragging about her kid’s accomplishments and doesn’t feel mine very brag worthy. Idk…