Some of us don’t need a kid fix (after my vacation, I’m going to be good for a while, let me tell you), but sometimes we need to spend time with young people. Do you? If so, how do you get your kid fix.
[polldaddy poll=3572957]
Defending Our Honor
Last night I almost came to blows in defense of our collective honor. It was our last meal out on vacation and we were making it a good one–crisp tablecloths, fresh seafood, flowing wine–you get the picture. The restaurant had all but cleared out as I was sampling the delectable flavors of some homemade lavender ice cream, when I caught a snippet of conversation from the other remaining table.
“He’s very selfish,” said the man, “He doesn’t have children…”
As you can imagine, that caught my attention, so I craned my neck to hear more. Unfortunately I was too far away, but I did catch this:
“Yes, she hasn’t created the next generation. She has three step-children, of course, but that doesn’t count…”
Sisters, I was this close to marching over there and setting this bunch of old coots straight. How dare they assume this man didn’t have children because of his selfishness? How dare they suggest that this woman had an obligation to procreate to carry on some family line. How dare they suggest that raising someone else’s children isn’t a worthy role?
In the end, I decided these people were a lost cause, and that it wasn’t worth ruining my lovely dinner for the sake of their education. There are some people who just aren’t going to get it, no matter what. But I think that our generation is starting to understand and to value people for more than their ability to pop out heirs.
That having been said, when I walked past their table on the way out, you’d better believe I gave them my very best evil eye.
Whiny Wednesday
Here’s this week’s whine in sentences of three words:
Ah, poor me. Slept late again. Another beautiful day. What’s for dinner? More delicious fish? Must nap again. Vacation ends tomorrow.
Sorry to rub it in, Ladies. Feel free to whine in my direction.
Spring Cleaning My Past
I know it’s a bit late in the year, but I’m spring cleaning.
Over the years I’ve been added to mailing lists and e-mail subscriptions based on my plans to be a mother. Even though I’ve moved on to a new chapter in my life, every now and then a reminder from my past pops up to haunt me.
It’s been a while since I’ve received free samples of diapers and formula in the mail, but I still get plenty of postcards for children’s portrait photographers, baby fairs, and parenting classes.
I’ll be unsubscribing myself from the e-mail lists of Babies R Us, Adoptive Families, and my former acupuncturist. It’s not that these reminders send me into any kind of emotional turmoil; I just don’t have a use for their products and they’re cluttering up my Inbox. So it’s time to say “Goodbye.”
Have you done a spring cleaning on your past? Or are you still not ready?
16 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a CNBC
I’ve been cruising around the Internet looking for interesting sites to share on this blog. There are plenty of good ones out there, but I’m finding myself drawn to blogs that have humor, with just a tinge of bitterness thrown in.
La Belette Rouge has just such a blog and I found myself laughing at this post: 16 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a CNBC (childless not by choice.) Granted my laugh was the type you blow down your nose with your lips pursed, rather than an all-out belly laugh, but sometimes a laugh is a laugh is a laugh.
Confessions of A Childless Daughter
I have a confession to make.
My mother doesn’t know about this site.
She’s just now finding her way around the Internet, so it’s probably only a matter of time before she finds me. I’ve even sent her and e-mail with the link in my signature, but either she hasn’t twigged on, or she’s too polite to mention it.
When I was back home in England this past May, I promised my friend that I would tell my mum about my blog, but even when she asked what I was working on, I chickened out. It’s like being 14 again and trying to pluck up the guts to tell her I’ve been invited to a party with a boy.
But I’m not 14; I’m 40, so why can’t I tell my own mother about something I’m really proud of—this website?
Do any of you suffer from being unable to talk about yourself, your work, or your childlessness, even to people you trust?
Whiny Wednesday: People Who Shouldn’t Have Children
You never really know how you’ll react in a given situation, but I am pretty confident that I would never get into a brawl at a kindergarten graduation, as these two did.
Way to go to set an example to your kids, ladies!
A Very Bon Voyage
I’m getting ready to go on vacation. (Hurray!) I have plane tickets and hotel reservations. And that’s about it. The night before we leave, we’ll throw what we think we need into a suitcase, add half a dozen books, and go. The details of our trip, i.e. how we’re going to get around between our various destinations, where we’ll eat, what we’ll do, will all unfold in good time. Right now, I’m too tired to fuss with those kinds of details. If there’s something important we’ve forgotten to pack, we’ll buy it when we get there (the reason I own a large collection of phone chargers and power adaptors.) Passport, credit card, phone–all we really need.
It’s this kind of loosey-goosey traveling that make me appreciate not having children.
Friends Who Said the Right Thing
“Just ride your husband like the stallion he is, then flip over like a dead bug.”
“Oh, get IVF. Just do it.”
“My friends just adopted from Guatemala; I’ll have them call you.”
There never seems to be a shortage of people with “helpful,” and usually unsolicited, advice that can send us reeling off with our backs up and our feelings hurt. The above quotes are taken directly from my own experience as I was dealing with infertility. All were from people who cared and wanted to help, and every single one hurt. But what about people who say the right thing?
For every person that said something hurtful, the were two more who said something kind (or sometimes just said nothing at all.) One friend who stands out is the woman who quietly confided that she and her husband had experienced similar issues and come to a decision. “We decided that we were already a family,” she told me. “We were just a family of two.” Her words really made me think about what it was I was questing for and eventually I came to the same conclusion that I was also happy with the family I already had—my husband and my cat.
Who are the people who said exactly the right thing at the right time to you?
The Shame of Childlessness
Recently, a friend confided that shame plays a big part in her life because of her childlessness. She told me:
“I think my Mom is embarrassed that I never had children, especially since there is “no good reason” why I didn’t. It somehow reflects on her–her nurturing, her mothering skills, etc. Instead of seeing it purely as my choice, there is a negative connotation for choosing not to have kids. I think it is the same negative aspersion put on women who never marry. What is wrong with her?”
If you’re childless-by-choice, have you experienced this kind of shame? Are your family and friends supportive of your decision? What about if you’re childless-not-by choice? Does shame play a role in your life too?
