filling the silence in the motherhood discussion
I had so much fun reading your whines last week that I want to hear more this week.
Remember the rules: The topic is wide open, but your whine must be written in sentences of three words.
Here’s mine:
Brain is full. Too many ideas. Giant task list. Only one me. Must have sleep. Could I clone?
Whine away, my friends!
When I first started this blog, Wednesday’s post was always Whiny Wednesday. It was fun for a while, but then I got tired of hearing myself complain. But I’m not tired of hearing you complain, so Whiny Wednesdays is making a comeback…with a twist.
This week the Whiny Wednesday topic is wide open; you can come and complain about anything you choose, related to this site or not. The only caveat is that you have to whine in sentences of three words only. Example: Mad at cat. Ate my flowers. Puked on carpet. Scratched my furniture. Refused my tickles. Getting a dog.
(This idea is stolen from a writing exercise in Abigail Thomas’ book, Thinking About Memoir. The original exercise is to write about a whole decade of your life in sentences of three words.)
Anyway, whine away!
Recently a friend told me that her colleague had once justified not pulling her weight at work by saying, “Well, you don’t have children, so it’s no problem for you to work late.”
Why is it that for some people no children=no life outside the workplace? Have you been in a situation where a colleague has used his or her children to justify preferential treatment? Or have you worked in a place where parents are expected to always put their work before their family. What are your thoughts?
When I tell people about my decision to not have children, and tell them the story of how I got here, a common response I hear is: “Don’t give up hope; it could still happen.” They don’t seem to understand that my situation isn’t hopeless; I’ve made an intelligent and considered decision and “hope” is no longer involved.
Here’s the reality: I have bum ovaries that kick out half-baked eggs. I’m 40 years old and am therefore well into the danger zone for birth defects. My husband is almost 55, meaning he’ll be well into his 70’s before our miracle baby makes it into college. We wrestled with the pros and cons of continuing a quest to have children and we’ve made an informed decision to stop. This is now what is best for us. So, if you’re thinking that I’m just saying I don’t want kids, but I’m secretly hoping I’ll get knocked up, I’m not. Please give me credit for my decision and for being strong enough to tell you the truth.
Oh, and Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I’m sitting in a quiet cafe with a pot of Jasmine tea brewing and a gentle breeze blowing down the valley and in the back door behind me, and I’m trying to write my Whiny Wednesday post. There’s no rush; I have plenty of time. I have no one to collect from school and no baseball practice to shuttle to and from. Nobody’s counting on me provide nourishment or even junk food snacks. Nobody needs me to change a diaper or resolve a dispute over a remote control. Right now, this minute, no one is relying on me, and right now, this minute, I’m glad for that.
So, let’s turn Whiny Wednesday upside down this week. Tell me: What are you grateful for today?
I’m tired of the media’s assumptions about women in relation to children. TIME magazine recently ran a special on Women’s Health and the front cover showed a woman (quite a tired-looking woman, I might add) laying in the grass, covered in children. Why is it automatically assumed that women come along with children? What about the rest of us? Do we women without children not count, too? Had it been a Men’s Health special would the photo have been of a wiped out, stressed out father? Probably not.
There’s no escaping the media’s assumptions—even on this site. If you’ve come through the main Life Without Baby site, I’m sure you’ve noticed the Google Ads. This morning’s ads included announcements for a sale at a kids’ store, a mommy support group, and how to adopt a newborn quickly! People, you are barking up the wrong tree.
So, along with today’ whine comes an apology: Please forgive the wholly inappropriate ads. This is a new site and some of the kinks are still being worked out, so please bear with me while I figure out how to make the ads go away, or at least be more appropriate for our members.
It’s Whiny Wednesday, time let loose your inner two-year-old. What’s your gripe?
Last week a Tennessee woman pinned a note to her 7-year old adopted son and put him alone on a plane back to Russia.
People, a child is not a purchase. You cannot get a refund on your child, biological or adopted, just because he didn’t turn out quite as you’d hoped. I understand how the desire for motherhood can taint a person’s view until she can see only what she wants to see when the chance of having a child is presented to her. But this is a human life we’re talking about here. If you choose to be a mother, you choose to be a mother FOR LIFE, not just until it gets too hard.
That’s my gripe. What’s yours?
“Why don’t you just adopt?”
People ask this question as if adoption is as simple as filling out a form and picking out a baby. But anyone who’s had a close friend or family member go through the process knows all about the drawn-out bureaucracy, the failed adoptions, the expense of going private, and the trauma of adopting from foster care.
So, don’t ask me why I don’t just adopt, unless you have plenty of time to hear my answer.
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s your gripe?
Why do some people think it’s perfectly acceptable to bring a toddler or baby into an adult-rated movie only to have them cry all the way through? Take that kid outside, please, if for no other reason than to avoid them being traumatized for life!
It’s Whiny Wednesday; time to get it all off your chest. What’s your gripe?
Why is that people have no problem asking, “So, why don’t you have kids,” or “How come you don’t like children?” or “Don’t you think not having kids is selfish?”
Imagine if mothers were asked the inverse. “So, why do you have kids?” “How come you like children?” or “Don’t you think having kids is selfish?”
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s your gripe?
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