My friend Elizabeth passed along a poem to me from Garrison Keillor’s website. It’s called Useful Advice, by Catherine Tufariello, and begins:
You’re 37? Don’t you think that maybe
It’s time you settled down and had a baby?
I laughed at the first line, but quickly stopped laughing as I kept reading. Instead, I began checking off all the lines that I’d heard, maybe even writing a few extra lines for her. I know nothing about this poet, but I am certain, from reading this, that she heard every single one of these lines on her journey. You can read Useful Advice here.
Also, please take a second to visit Elizabeth’s blog, A moon, worn as if it had been a shell. Elizabeth writes about her life with baby, as the mother of three children, including her daughter, Sophie, who is severely disabled. Elizabeth is a tireless advocate for children with special needs and offers a frank and often surprising perspective on the challenges as well as the rewards of raising a child with disabilities.
“You really should have tried to have children sooner.” My doctor said this to me during an annual checkup when I was in my mid-30s. Had just started a new and promising relationship and told him I was still hopeful about having kids one day.
If only it were that simple. Does he condone reproducing with the first half-decent prospect that comes along? Is he suggesting that you were over-thinking your decision to not reproduce with someone you knew wasn’t the right long-term partner? I will add his line to the poem. It’s a good one.
Wow. This was amazing. One of those “wish I’d written it” poems. “Why are you crying,” indeed?
I sometimes think that maybe the reason I didn’t just accidentally reproduce is my characteristic “thinking too much” (sorta like my other trait, “too sensitive?”). It wasn’t until I was about 34 that I realized that the perfect time to have a baby is when you’re too young and clueless. That way when you come around to “my God, what have I done?” the kid’s about 12 and can talk back and change its own underwear.
Elizabeth’s blog is great. A lot to learn from. And the link through to the whole Ashley/PillowAngel (just a wrenching story!) topic was quite eye-opening.
Catherine is my cousin! I’m always pleased to see people like and can relate to her poetry.