By Kathleen Guthrie Woods
Martha Beck is a therapist, life coach, best-selling author, and columnist for Oprah’s O magazine. Every month she offers real advice for addressing prickly issues, and frequently it feels like she’s been observing my life for material.
In an article titled “Off the Beating Path” (February 2013), she writes about how to “draw up a whole new road map” when you’ve experienced a bumpy ride. Not just those gentle speed bumps (what we can “speed humps” in San Francisco), but bone-jarring, axle-cracking, questioning-why-you-would-continue “rumble strips.” Although the subjects whose stories she shares differ, I felt like she was writing to us: women who had beautiful plans for our lives, plan that were crushed by disappointment and heart-break, who are trying to figure out how to continue with some element of grace.
I don’t want to paraphrase the article because she is so much more articulate than I am, so I encourage you to pick up a copy at the market or newsstand or read it online here. What she does is give examples from her own and clients’ lives, share steps for navigating rumble strips, and offer perspective on how these experience may actually benefit us in the long run. Her advice isn’t sugar-coated, it isn’t simplistic. The line that most resonates with me reads “I wasn’t trying to minimize Dorothy’s pain or plaster a creepy happy face over her legitimate sorrow. I only wanted her to alter her beliefs enough to catch a glimpse of a different road.” Yes! Even as I continue to struggle with coming to terms with my challenges, I can open my mind to that possibility.
Martha Beck has children, so I can’t call her a chero (a hero who is childfree), but I do think she understands who we are and what we’re going through. It’s because of her compassion, her wisdom, and her willingness to share so that we all can thrive that I think she rocks.
Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.
I loved the article. I had a similar breakthrough when I was in my early 20s. I was in love with a pathological liar and I would do anything to stay with him. Then I encountered a series of bad luck events but I clung to the idea of staying with him no matter what. The last event was so catastrophic I could no longer live in denial and be with him. At that moment, I realized the universe was sending me signs, nudging me in a different direction, and by ignoring it the universe was forced to send progressively worse things my way until it no longer could be ignored. So now when something bad happens, I no longer see it as me being denied what I want, but I try to understand where it is telling me to go. When I was diagnosed with infertility, I had been practicing this way for 15 years so I had something in place to rely on to help me through.
I always enjoy Martha Beck’s O Magazine columns too. I have a book by her that has long been in my to-read pile, “Expecting Adam,” about her son, who has Down’s syndrome. I haven’t read the article you mention, but yes, I think she knows what’s she’s talking about here.
OMG! Martha Beck is just awesome!