Life Without Baby

filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

It Got Me Thinking…About A Different Spin

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods

“Why don’t you like children?” “What are you waiting for?” “It’s not too late. I heard about a woman who was 46 and….”

I’ve heard so many variations on a theme, but this is the first time I’ve heard “Thank you” for choosing not to have children, with a long list of positive reasons.

Writer Abby Rosmarin works in childcare and has this to say about women who choose to be childfree (her post is published on Thought Catalog). I especially like and am encouraged by her line, “…you recognize that there are so many other ways to find love and meaning and joy in your life.”

This isn’t for everyone. But for those of us who made a choice—and for those of us who ultimately made a choice to stop the madness—I offer her kind perspective.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with being childfree.

 

It Got Me Thinking…About Why Martha Beck Rocks

Girl ThinkingBy Kathleen Guthrie Woods 

Martha Beck is a therapist, life coach, best-selling author, and columnist for Oprah’s O magazine. Every month she offers real advice for addressing prickly issues, and frequently it feels like she’s been observing my life for material.

In an article titled “Off the Beating Path” (February 2013), she writes about how to “draw up a whole new road map” when you’ve experienced a bumpy ride. Not just those gentle speed bumps (what we can “speed humps” in San Francisco), but bone-jarring, axle-cracking, questioning-why-you-would-continue “rumble strips.” Although the subjects whose stories she shares differ, I felt like she was writing to us: women who had beautiful plans for our lives, plan that were crushed by disappointment and heart-break, who are trying to figure out how to continue with some element of grace.

I don’t want to paraphrase the article because she is so much more articulate than I am, so I encourage you to pick up a copy at the market or newsstand or read it online here. What she does is give examples from her own and clients’ lives, share steps for navigating rumble strips, and offer perspective on how these experience may actually benefit us in the long run. Her advice isn’t sugar-coated, it isn’t simplistic. The line that most resonates with me reads “I wasn’t trying to minimize Dorothy’s pain or plaster a creepy happy face over her legitimate sorrow. I only wanted her to alter her beliefs enough to catch a glimpse of a different road.” Yes! Even as I continue to struggle with coming to terms with my challenges, I can open my mind to that possibility.

Martha Beck has children, so I can’t call her a chero (a hero who is childfree), but I do think she understands who we are and what we’re going through. It’s because of her compassion, her wisdom, and her willingness to share so that we all can thrive that I think she rocks.

Kathleen Guthrie Woods is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She is mostly at peace with her childfree status.