I like to tease my nieces and nephews by telling them that if they’re not nice to me, I’m going to leave my (ahem) “millions” to a home for cats. But how far from reality is the stereotype of the childless woman filling her home with feline (or canine, or even porcine) companions? Do we women really need some small helpless creature to nurture in order to satisfy our natural instincts?
I have a cat, Felicity, who I rescued almost 10 years ago, when I assumed she’d someday have to share my attention with children. She is spoiled and overindulged. She gets away with more than I’d ever tolerate from a human baby. But do I treat my cat as a substitute for a child?
Do I talk to her? Sing to her? Hold her like a baby? Do I blow raspberries on her belly? Do I refer to myself as “Mummy” in her presence?
Well, yes. I do.
I have a need to nurture and she is the (mostly) willing recipient of my affections. Does she fill the hole my human babies would have filled? Of course not, but she goes a long way to satisfying my need to care for something wholly dependent on me.
What do you think? Do you need to fulfill some in-built need to nurture? Can the need be satisfied with a relationship with an animal?
YUP. I have two Yorkies I’d jump in front of a car for, and two rescues I’m fostering. Their love balances out my lonely days.
I have a rabbit that lives in our spare bedroom. Every morning, I wake up, go in his room and say, hi baby. I hold like a baby, sing to him, and tell him I love him. Before the rabbit, I had a dog for 13 years. I didn’t treat him like a baby because he was 135 pounds, but he was my best friend and I still miss him. I don’t feel like a crazy person. I have loved animals since I was child. I took in every stray or injured wild animal I could find, and had a lot of rabbits growing up, plus a dog, hamsters, birds and fish.
P.S. I represented an older woman in preparing her Will. Her estate was worth over $1MM and she never married or had children. She created a trust for the protection of animals and we administered it by sending money to different organizations annually. Chero!
I’ve always loved animals, and grew up with them. My parents still have pets, the only difference from the childhood pets is that these are more spoiled since there are no longer kids in the house! So I think that if you are a pet lover, you will have pets regardless. But you have more time, money and love to lavish on them if you don’t have children.
Oh! I totally just started a blog about my cat. Ha ha.
http://bishritoeatsabeet.blogspot.com/
It was supposed to be about gardening, but well, I just couldn’t help myself. I think it may be a mommyblog, except… he’s a cat.
And you know, I think he has more personality because we spend so much time with him. Both of our cats, I just love them to bits.
I think that need can be mostly fulfilled through a pet, very much so. When I first moved to the US at 16, I found myself alone in a foreign world, with no one to really talk to. I was pretty miserable, until I took in a teeny kitten whose mom had died. This kitten was really skittish, so physical affection was out of the question. But I slowly convinced her to love me (mostly through food), and with time I found myself happy again. I loved nurturing her.
I now wish that we would’ve bought a home with a large backyard for a dog; when we first bought it, we didn’t yet know about our infertility so a small patio seemed perfect for us. Now, while I know that a pet would not completely fulfill our need to nourish, it would definitely help us so much..!
Absolutely! I have a horse that I have had for 13 years now and I consider him my ‘baby’. We also have a cat and two dogs that I talk too, sing too, give raspberries on their bellies and sometimes even dress. (only when it’s cold….they’re small! :-)) I really never thought that they could ever fill the void of not having children, but I can honestly say that they come pretty darn close. We rescued a little 5lb chihuahua when I just learned that my last IVF failed. We didn’t plan on the rescue, but it just happened. He was abused, starved and afraid…we took him in and I think he actually rescued me. I look back and if I didn’t have little Buddy to take care of, I don’t know how I would have made it through.
I think womes are nurturers by nature. Yes, there are some exceptions. But, that is the norm. I think that is why it is perceived that women want children more than men. But, I also thind that is why women are drawn into more caregiving position (child care, nursing, primary school teaching, etc.). To be sure, not all women go into those positions and not everyone in those positions are women. But, women tend to gravitate toward those position more than men do.
Again, sorry if I offended anyone. That’s just my opinoin.
I think you have a point, Joe. It’s not offensive, it’s quite true.
Yes, I definitely have a need to nurture and have a 12 year old black lab. While I care for her and love her and treat her like my baby, I also know that she won’t fill the hole that a child would fill. I can tell the dog that I love her, but she doesn’t understand and she can’t answer back or hug me or do most of the things that I would want/expect from a child. She is a great target for my affection, but she is not a substitute for a child.
I agree it’s no substitute for a child. But I am so thankful for the love they give.
I wish I could say the same. We have dogs, which we love dearly, but we don’t spoil them and we don’t treat them like our children even though sometimes they are referred to as “your son” or “your daughter” when hubby n I talk to each other about them. I don’t think they could fill or compensate the void I feel. Funny thing is they are now an old 12yrs old couple and they never have puppies either!!
I have a 19 (!!) year old cat who is my baby. I love her to distraction. When anyone suggests that she is a substitute for a child, I point out that I got her in my early 20s when I wasn’t even thinking about having children yet.
I wrote a post about this some months ago- and I still consider my furry kids my kids. 🙂 Although I draw the line at dressing ’em like babies or humans….
Will you look at this!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2348634/Bond-dog-owner-similar-shared-baby-parents.html
I just got a new puppy a month ago and I had a hard time be called her “mom”. I can’t be a human mom, even though my coworker today suggested “I need to have a baby now that I have a puppy”. I brushed it off but then she point blank asked me if I didn’t want children. People can be so insensitive sometimes.
Just weeks after we found out we were having a baby, a stray cat showed up on our back porch, alone lost scared hungry and starving for affection. We fed him but thought perhaps he’d eventually go back to his real home that night. Well, we woke up the next morning and he was still on our porch, so we took him in. The vet said he was about seven months old, not chipped and not fixed, so we felt free to give him a home and fall in love with him.
A month later I had a miscarriage, and I have to say, our new kitty was a huge comfort to us during that time. He occasionally distracted us from our sadness, made us laugh, gave us something to do and someone to pour our love out onto. Sometimes I would just pick him up and hold his warm little body, and it definitely filled a need for me on an emotional level. He’s over a year old now and still makes us laugh and keeps us entertained.
We were (and still are) so grateful he came into our lives when he did and we love him like he’s our child. We refer to each other as mom and dad when talking about him. It’s silly and sweet and he’s the most loved kitty in the world! We’re glad we rescued him when he was young because we look forward to having him for a very long time. Of course, he does not take the place of our child that we lost, but he sure fills an emotional need for us and we are so happy he is part of our little family.
I think I’ve “released” some of those nurturing sides of myself to hubby. I love feeding him stuff (while he’s gaming esp.) and I love tucking him in bed (sometimes I go to bed later than he does) or tucking him for nap and THANK GOD he enjoys being “pampered” like that (‘coz we have no pets). 😀